


Unconditional Love : Part One

by DavinaCFox



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Childbirth, Difficult childbirth, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Secrets, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Planned Pregnancy, Post Mpreg, Secret Relationship, True Love, Unplanned Pregnancy, easy childbirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-22 22:29:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 49,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17068352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DavinaCFox/pseuds/DavinaCFox
Summary: Thanks to new technology, male pregnancy has become reality in Gotham. Oswald hopes a surprise baby will mend his relationship - but Ed rejects his advances. Oswald has a drunken one night stand and later discovers he is pregnant - not by Ed. He goes into denial about the baby – then due to a black market fertility implant, has a complicated and traumatic birth that almost kills him.Twelve years on, they are raising Oswald's daughter Hope together. Then Oswald tells Ed he wants to have his baby. This time he has a genuine implant and looks forward to the safe delivery of his child, not realising Ed is still traumatised from Hope's birth – and close to a breakdown, may miss out on his son's birth, unless Hope's father - Jim Gordon - can lay his fears to rest... But all is not as simple as it seems. Oswald has a secret that is still hidden in his past – but there is an even bigger shock to come, when the truth is finally revealed...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again :-)  
> This story is AU and will for some of the story, jump between The Past (12 years before ) and The Present (12 years later) as the past is told in flashbacks. And my chapters are long - again! Sorry, its a lifetime habit! Also, there is a big twist in this story coming up much later - which is not listed in the story summary or character listings or character pairings because... spoilers!
> 
> I am aiming to update every day/couple of days. Might be longer with Christmas coming up but I won't leave you waiting too long dear readers, I always get my chapters posted, I don't like to leave big gaps between chapters, so I will update frequently! Enjoy the read, Love Davina :-)

 

Chapter 1

 

**12 Years Before:**

 

_There's a penguin in my bed..._

That thought on waking seemed strangely comical and Jim smiled as he lay there on his side, beneath sheets that had been fresh but now carried the odor of masculine sweat and last night's booze. It was yet to come back to him, but it had been a hell of a night...

Then as the haze cleared, he started to remember:

Friday night, a few beers became more beers and then the mood kicked in: _To hell with it all I'm getting drunk..._ He had spent a large part of the evening talking with Oswald. _Yes, that must be where that strange penguin notion came from on waking..._ Oswald had been drunk too, and tearful as he told him about how he had fallen out with Ed, yet again. They had not been getting along well lately, something about Oswald wanting a serious relationship, Ed backing off, the two of them having a fight... and Oswald taking off for three weeks and refusing to say where he had gone.

He was still refusing to say where he had been, even then as they stood at the bar and Jim had asked him why he had vanished. Oswald had said in reply that some things should _never_ be discussed. He also said Ed would hate him if he found out. Then he mentioned a plan he had formulated on his return, to get back with Ed and mend everything. But clearly, that plan had _not_ worked out...

And then Jim recalled being outside the club in the rain and Oswald crying, then staggering as he walked away. He stumbled and Jim had grabbed the shoulder of his jacket. He had saved him from a fall but as expensive fabric ripped, he had turned on him angrily and then... pulled a blade from his cane?

Yes, he did, and that had lasted a few seconds before Jim recalled taking charge of the situation, by pushing him up against the wall, reminding him he had just saved him from falling, and then... they had kissed?

_Yes, they had kissed._

_It was all coming back now...._

Jim was still on his side. _Someone_ was close to him in bed, snuggled up to him and breathing softly... _Now_ he remembered everything, and it flashed through his mind rapidly:

Taking Oswald back to his apartment, more kissing, Oswald taking off his torn jacket and tossing it to the floor. He had laid there in surrender, urging Jim to undress him and Jim had not been gentle. He had pulled so hard on his shirt buttons one of them had snapped off and hit the wall. He remembered Oswald on his back, looking up at him. In that moment, perhaps the booze had helped to rip away all the barriers between them – it didn't matter that he was a cop and Oswald was a criminal. As far as Jim was concerned, he had this beautiful guy on the floor in his front room, and he just wanted to be with him. _It was heat of the moment passion. And it had been damned good, too._ A night of drunken fucking with a gorgeous guy whose damaged leg certainly didn't stop him from having a wild time. He recalled him reaching for him again in the bedroom, _“Jim, hold me,”_ he had whispered, and Jim had kissed him again and they had embraced beneath the covers, then he had gone down on him and giving head to Oswald had been so thrilling as he gasped and begged for more, that Jim had let him come first, then released his own climax over his chest.

_What a night..._

And now it was dawning on him, he was a cop who had taken a high profile underworld criminal to his bed. _I could lose my job over this_ , was the next, very sober thought that hit him.

Waking up in a strange bed was not something Oswald Cobblepot had never done before. But he had never done it under _these_ circumstances ... It felt strangely nice. The pillow was soft and smelled fresh, but as he turned over closer to the warmth of the man beside him, he felt a vague pounding in his head as the hangover kicked in, then he realised he was sweating out a _lot_ of alcohol. He felt an ache in his chest as he realised he was not with the one he loved. Last night his arms and his heart had been aching for Ed, and then, his body had ached for closeness, comfort, and ultimately, sex... _With Jim Gordon..._

As Jim turned over and looked at him, Oswald felt a flicker of panic, seeing a look in his eyes that could only read as _What have I done..._ Oswald forced a smile.

“Good morning, Jim! Well I must say, last night was wonderful!” then he hesitated, as worries began to crowd his thoughts, “I'm not in the habit of doing this. I mean, I'm faithful to Ed, he is my one and only love. I'm sure you'll agree he must never know!”

“Of course,” Jim said, feeling relieved to know Oswald wanted this kept quiet. He had started to think he was about to lose his job. If it got out that he was intimate with Penguin, his career with the GCPD would be over...

“I don't typically do this either,” Jim added as he sat up in bed and pushed his hair off his face, “I'm not a one night stand kind of guy. I guess we were both lonely.”

Oswald was laying there looking up at him, his eyes wide and his black hair messed up. He still looked cute, Jim couldn't deny it. But he had to stop thinking that way. Cops and criminals couldn't mix like this, not if _this_ cop wanted to keep his job...

“Sorry about your jacket, Oswald,” it was all Jim could think to say.

He remembered the ripping sound as Jim had grabbed at his suit to save him as he stumbled. He had pulled his blade, being so drunk, for a split second he had assumed he was being attacked by a stranger...

“It was a small price to pay. At least I didn't break any bones.”

Jim got out of bed and right away wanted to get back in and sleep for hours as the effect of last night's booze began to hit. But Oswald had to go home, this situation had to end now, and quickly... Jim grabbed a bathrobe and threw it on.

“I'm having a shower. You should think about leaving... no, I'll make coffee before you go... stay there... for now.”

He half stumbled out of the room, silently thankful that he had the weekend off work. Last night's drinking had been heavy. He could barely throw his thoughts together, let alone have a conversation.

 

As he left the room, Oswald lay there in Jim's bed as a creeping worry started to close in on him. He had been drunk last night because Ed had rejected him, pushed him away and they had fought. It was more than just a fight, thinking about it made Oswald feel tearful... Ed didn't know how desperate he was to save their relationship:

 _After their first major fight, Oswald had taken off for three weeks. Where he went and who he was with was a secret that he hoped he could keep until the day he died. Oh God, he had now slept with not one but two people who were not Ed... Why did heartbreak drive him to such desperate measures?_ He blinked away tears as he thought about the decision he had made on his return:

_Other men were having babies in Gotham, why shouldn't he do the same?_

He knew it would change their lives, but surely, it would bring him and Ed closer together, it would make them stronger, make their love deeper.

He had asked around, found a place, and after a few drinks, he had done it:

_A secret visit to some guy in the rougher side of town who claimed he could fit fertility implants had seemed like a good idea, men had been having babies in this city for more than a year now, since male fertility implants had been invented. He had avoided official medical channels for the procedure because he had to be sure no one would know. In his romantic, aching heart that longed for Ed to stay with him forever, he had felt sure surprising him with a baby would have sealed their love forever..._

There was a guy Ed knew from the Narrows, a gang leader – he had recently had a baby. Ed had made such a fuss of that child, seeing him so fatherly and cradling that baby had given him the idea to give Ed a child of his own. But the implant procedure had been agony. He had woken up on a table with a throbbing pain deep inside that was so bad he wondered how he could ever have sex again, let alone manage to conceive...

Then three days later, the bleeding had started. Oswald had stayed in bed for a few days, scared and wondering if he ought to call Hugo Strange, who he imagined would give him a stern lecture about trusting unqualified practitioners, and then he would probably take out the implant and say no more about it... But the bleeding had stopped and the pain had gone away, so he had left it alone.

_That had been six weeks ago..._

Oswald had come to the conclusion he should probably write off the whole thing and not worry – he didn't feel any different, the unit was probably not genuine and wouldn't work anyway... Now he was desperately hoping it _wasn't_ working. All him and Ed seemed to do these days was fight. Ed hadn't touched him for weeks. They even had separate rooms...

As he thought about the night before, Oswald's eyes grew wider and that flicker of panic was back. He was thinking about that wild, spontaneous sex they had shared in Jim's front room. They had both been too drunk to think about precautions...

“ _No, no, I'll be okay...”_ Oswald whispered, guessing if the unit wasn't genuine, he wasn't at risk of pregnancy.

Then he sat up, and the hangover hit him harder as the room span around and his headache worsened. He gave a groan and fell back against the pillow. Somewhere beyond the bedroom, the shower had just turned off. Jim wanted him to leave and that was understandable – he was a cop, a good cop who didn't want to risk his job by getting close to the king of the underworld. But he was too hungover to go anywhere. Oswald closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

 

“ _It's almost midday.”_

He heard Jim's voice, then smelled the aroma of coffee. Oswald slowly opened his eyes. He felt more alive now, but would still need his bed when he got home. He was only just starting to feel sober again. He sat up and pushed back dark hair that shaded his gaze, and as he looked at Jim, he was ready to apologise.

“I never should have asked you to take me home last night.”

It had just occurred to Jim that he couldn't be angry with Oswald if he tried. Last night had brought them closer, even if it could never happen again.

“No regrets,” he said with a smile, then as Oswald sipped his coffee, he sat down on the edge of the bed, “If things were different – if you wasn't a gangster and I wasn't a cop -”

“Please Jim, there's no need for this,” Oswald said with a smile, “It was good. We both enjoyed it. And I still need to find a way to mend things with Ed.”

“Yes, you do,” Jim agreed, wondering why that statement had just made him feel some kind of loss deep in his heart. There was no denying he and Oswald had always had a bond. It had sometimes been frayed by quarrels and the fact that Oswald was on the opposite side of the law, but that bond had never broken. He was sure years from now, he would look back with fondness on the night they had shared, even though he knew he really needed to put it out of his mind. There was no point lingering in the past on something he could not have again...

Oswald set down his coffee and looked thoughtfully at him.

“You were very passionate last night.”

He had said that so sweetly. Jim felt his face heat up as he blushed.

“So were you.”

“Did I lose my cane?” Oswald asked, looking about the room and seeing his scattered clothing as he suddenly worried again.

“No, it's in the front room.”

Oswald got out of bed, and Jim's gaze lingered on his naked body, so toned and slim yet covered with scars, a reminder of how tough he really was and what it had cost him to become king of the underworld.

“I need a shower before I leave.”

“Sure. I'll get your stuff together while you're in the bathroom.”

“Thanks,” Oswald said, then he left the room naked and Jim watched as he limped out of the bedroom, taking in the sight of his body again, wanting to keep it imprinted on his memory.

In that moment it didn't seem fair that Oswald was on the wrong side of the law. But he had his career to think of and a relationship with a criminal would destroy it, _fact_. He looked to the messed up bed and guessed he ought to change the sheets. But not yet. He wanted to spend one more night wrapped in the scent of Oswald - who certainly didn't need to know he felt that way...

 

An hour later after a long shower and more coffee, Oswald had left the apartment and felt thankful for the support of his cane as the hangover lingered. He limped away from Jim's residence then called Victor and told him to hurry, because he felt like shit, it had been a rough night. That was all he needed to say to cover his unusually wrecked appearance. He felt overly aware of the fact that his jacket was torn as he waited for his ride home.

When the car pulled up, Victor Zsasz glanced out the open window at his boss and noticed right away that something was up. Penguin _never_ looked like this, he was always well groomed. Today, he looked a wreck...

“What happened?”

As he asked that question, Oswald got into the back of the car and closed the door, then leaned back against the seat as he briefly closed his eyes, giving a heavy sigh. He just wanted to go back to bed.

“Penguin?” Victor sounded worried.

Oswald came up with an excuse, because that was all he could think to do after spending the night with Detective Gordon.

“Someone jumped me on the way home last night. It was quite a fight. I must have passed out.”

“Who was it?”

They were driving off now, heading for home.

“Never seen him before, just some idiot who thought he could challenge Penguin. I left him to bleed out in the gutter.”

“Are you sure you're okay?” Victor glanced at him again.

Oswald forced a smile.

“I'm fine, Victor.”

At least, Oswald _hoped_ he was fine. He had an implant inside him that had been fitted by a doctor whose qualifications were doubtful. But that alone gave him hope that it wouldn't work. And one night was unlikely to result in a pregnancy... _if_ he was lucky. It had just occurred to him that he knew nothing about these implants. He knew the black market version was said to be dangerous, but he had paid a lot of money for secrecy and surely money would count for something.

He also knew there had been terrible stories about men who had died in childbirth because of black market fertility units but he still assumed money would ensure his safety... Suddenly, he was less sure of that. When he had embraced the idea of a baby to surprise Ed, he had been swept up in desperation and wishful thinking – a dangerous combination of emotion – he had assumed he would seduce Ed, trap him with the oldest trick in the book, but it would be a happy trap, his Ed would adore their child. Now reality was starting to bite very hard as he thought about his night with Jim and then all the other possibilities, including the fact that the implant might be dangerous. _No,_ he told himself as he broke into a sweat, _You're just paranoid, Oswald. It's the alcohol, you're not sober yet, you need more sleep. You will be fine tomorrow..._

And he wanted to believe it.

 

On returning home, Oswald closed the door of the Van Dahl mansion behind him and breathed a heavy sigh, feeling thankful to be back in familiar surroundings. Now he could forget he cheated on Ed, he could forget about Jim and that one mistake and most of all, he could forget about that stupid black market implant some butcher surgeon had shoved inside his body. It wouldn't work, it wasn't genuine. He had been desperate and gone to the wrong place and the wrong doctor and the implant would probably stay there forever, causing no harm. That was what he wanted to believe as he leaned hard on his cane and made his way up the stairs. He still felt weary and hungover as he limped through the upper hall towards his bedroom.

“Where the hell have you been? _What the fuck happened to you, Oz...?_ ”

On hearing Ed's voice, Oswald turned from his bedroom door and saw he had just hurried up the hallway to join him. He stood there in a dark green suit with a worried expression on his face, wondering why Oswald looked like shit. His hair was a mess, there was a rip in the jacket of his expensive suit.

“Have you been in a fight?”

“It was nothing,” Oswald replied, “Someone jumped me on the way home last night. I was drunk, but I managed to fight him off. He's dead now.”

“Who was it?”

“A stranger. Ed, I'm tired. I need to rest.”

He turned away and limped into the bedroom and closed the door, unable to meet his gaze any longer, seeing such worry in his eyes, worry that made his guilt weigh heavy. Clearly, Ed still loved him to be so concerned. But Oswald didn't want to think about anything but sleeping off his hangover. He fell back weary on his bed and slept heavily for hours, still in his clothes.

 

**12 Years on, the Present Day:**

 

As the alarm went off yet again, Oswald made a little groan and raised his head from the pillow, then he reached over and turned it off. A cup of coffee had been placed at his bedside and its aroma was instantly reviving him.

“Good morning, Oz,” Ed said fondly, and he leaned over him, placing a kiss in raven black spikes made messy from sleep.

As Oswald looked up at him, Ed felt a powerful surge of love and emotion as their gaze connected. _His dear Oswald, his precious Oswald..._ He was feeling emotional again, and he wasn't surprised. It was three days since Hope's twelfth birthday. He got emotional around every birthday, because he could never forget the night she was born. _That nightmare and the dark days that had followed were seared into his brain as sure as it could have been left there with a red hot branding iron._ But Oswald didn't need to know that, they were happy, they had a family, he got along with the biological father of Oswald's daughter, the three of them had to make it work, for Hope's sake. Ed leaned closer, giving his husband another soft and tender kiss.

“Drink your coffee and get up, lazy!” he said with a smile, “Just because it's Jim's turn to take her to school there's no excuse to sleep in late!”

Oswald sat up and reached for his coffee. Ed was already dressed and looking groomed and wide awake. He liked to look presentable when Jim came over to pick up Hope, because, he said, he didn't want to look like either of them had lazy days just because Jim had a hand in the parenting.

“I'll pick her up after school today,” Oswald said, then he drank more coffee, set the cup down and got out of bed.

“I can do it for you,” Ed replied, “Don't you have that radio interview today?”

“No, Ed – that's next week,” Oswald still sounded tired as he threw on a black silken robe.

As he glanced at his body, Ed noticed the scars – the big one that ran down one side of his rib cage, another that ran vertical, a third that sliced just above the bullet wound that he had been responsible for long ago. Those three scars would forever remind him the price Oswald had paid for trusting in a black market fertility implant. But there had been an unexpected turn of events that had come of this:

Thanks to Oswald, those dangerous devices that had cost so many lives didn't exist any more. Also thanks to Oswald, who had used his influence as former mayor of Gotham, safe, genuine and affordable fertility implants were now available to anyone who needed one – and he hadn't even done this using his underworld influence – he had stepped away from illegal activities after Hope came along, he had _legally_ fought to ensure no one ever went through what he had suffered again. He had gone from being a notorious underworld figure to a hero in the eyes of the people of Gotham. He still ran the Iceberg Lounge, but these days, his business dealings were all legitimate. And a year ago his life story had been written – making a few changes along the way to hide much of the past - and with the book bestselling, now there was talk of _The Oswald Cobblepot Story_ becoming a movie.

Ed was proud of him. _But he would have preferred not have gone through all the shit Oswald couldn't recall._ No, he cancelled that thought. He cherished Hope, he was glad she was here. He had loved her from the moment he had first cradled her in his arms and looked at her and instantly loved her, because she was Oswald's child... Love and forgiveness went together naturally. It had taken a while to uncover the truth about Jim, but it was all worth it. Hope was worth it. Oz was worth it...

“Ed, I want to talk to you about something after Hope's gone to school,” he said.

Ed met his gaze. He felt a flicker of worry, and instantly reminded himself he had nothing to worry about, it was just how he was feeling right now. Whenever the memories hit him, everything felt raw again.

“Is everything okay?”

Oswald had tied up his robe, then he reached for his coffee again.

“All is well, Ed,” he assured him, “I just want to talk to you alone, it's about something rather special!” Oswald's eyes sparkled as he smiled, then he set the coffee down and headed for the shower.

 

Ed checked his watch and left the room, walking along the upper floor of the Van Dahl mansion as he headed for the open door that led to Hope's bedroom. She was ready for school, she was up, dressed, her school bag was on her bed, and now she was sat at her dressing table.

“No, young lady,” Ed told her, and as she glanced around at him, she gave a sigh and put her mascara back on the table.

“But Cerise and Jodie wear it!”

“School rules say no make up!” Ed reminded her.

She turned from the mirror as her jet black bobbed hair bounced and her pale eyes, so like Oswald's, sparkled as she got an idea.

“What about that clear mascara that Daddy wears when he goes out with you on Friday nights? He says it makes his eyes pop. He said you like that one.”

“On your Daddy, yes – not on you! And don't even think about lip gloss. You know the school rules.”

She got up and grabbed her bag, then smiled as she looked up at him.

“Uncle Ed?”

“I know that tone of voice, Hope. What ever it is, the answer is no.”

“But I just want to get another ear piercing.”

“You already have two earrings.”

“I want two more!”

“Ask Daddy.”

Just then Oswald joined them, walking into the room with ease as he barely leaned on his cane. His hair was swept up into spikes, his suit looked immaculate and the scent of his cologne made Ed's heart miss a beat.

“Ask Daddy, what?” Oswald said.

“I want to get my ears pierced again,” said his daughter.

Oswald smiled fondly at Hope.

“Of course you can! _If_ you work hard at school and keep your grades up – we can discuss it in the summer.”

“But that's months and months away!”

“No, it is almost four months away, Hope. This deal is not negotiable. Now go downstairs and wait for your ride. Your Father should be here soon.”

Just then a car pulled up outside the mansion.

“He's here!” Hope said, and she grabbed her bag, “Bye, Daddy, Bye Uncle Ed, see you later!”

She ran off down the stairway and moments later, the door closed with a clumsy slam. Ed and Oswald stood at the window, Ed pulled the net curtain aside and watched as Jim waited for Hope to get in the car, then he glanced up at the house, and Ed smiled as Oswald gave a wave, then Jim waved back and the car drove off. Then as Ed let go of the curtain, he turned to Oswald.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked.

Oswald hesitated.

“Lets go downstairs,” he said, “We need to sit down and discuss something rather important.”

He had smiled as he said that, but it didn't ease Ed's worries as Oswald left the room and he followed.

 

As Jim drove away from the mansion, he couldn't help but feel disappointed that Oswald hadn't come to the door. A few weeks back, traffic had held him up and by the time he had reached the mansion, Ed had already left with Hope – and there was Oswald, leaning in the open doorway wearing a black silken robe, his hair tangled from sleep, dark strands falling over his eyes as he sipped his coffee looking like a hot mess. Jim had never stopped finding him attractive – the guy just seemed to get prettier with every passing year...

“You're late, Jim!” Oswald had said, with a cheeky smile, “Fucking cops... always around when you want to pull off a robbery but never show up when you need 'em!” then he had winked, “It's okay, I heard the traffic was bad. Ed took her to school. Do you want to come in for a coffee?”

Jim had used up every ounce of his self control to make an excuse about needing to get to work, and he had glanced back at Oswald, standing there in that doorway thinking, _Damn, Ed Nygma is a lucky guy..._

As he drove along the road, he glanced at his daughter and smiled as not for the first time, the thought hit him that she was the best of him and Oswald. Finding out he had a daughter, finding out he was the guy who had got Oswald pregnant, had been a shock – but only because he didn't know Oswald had a fertility implant. Back then, life had been very different, male implants were expensive and few could afford them – with the kind of money Oswald had, he had been shocked to learn someone as powerful as Penguin had taken a risk with a cheap black market version. That decision had almost cost him his life, and that had changed a lot in what could have been a very messy situation...

But Oswald had survived, and he had changed his life for the better, turning his back on crime, even making it his mission to put a stop to those back street dealers who were responsible for the deaths of so many men in childbirth. Oswald had once told him he hadn't campaigned for it to make the world a better place, it had been out of revenge for all he had been through. At the time, he had wanted to send Firefly to burn every black market fertility trader in Gotham – but instead, he had stopped them legally, purely because he had a child now and didn't want to wind up locked away for murder. But now he had made the world a better place, with genuine implants safely available to everyone, he had concluded that result was a happy bonus.

Jim had often looked at him and Ed and thought how those two guys had changed their lives for the better. All for Hope. He had never imagined it could have been possible, but it had happened. And Hope was his cherished child. He was proud to tell everyone he was the father of Oswald Cobblepot's daughter... As they drove along, Hope suddenly spoke up.

“Can I have my ears pierced again, Father?”

Jim chuckled.

“You'd better ask your Daddy.”

“I did and he said I had to wait for the summer.”

“Then you have to wait,” Jim replied, “We agreed a long time ago that your Daddy makes the important decisions. And your Uncle Ed. I won't let you do anything like that without permission. I haven't taken you to school for so long – blame the shifts I work. How are you getting on at school?”

She paused for thought , then as she glanced at him, he saw _Penguin_ in her eyes as she gave her reply.

“There's a new girl in my class. Her name is Nessa. She keeps staring at me. If she does it today, I'm going to _snap_!”

“Why does she stare at you?” Jim asked. They were on the road that led to the school now, and Jim wanted to get this whole _staring new girl_ story clear, because it was unlike Hope, who made friends easily, to have a problem with anyone...

For a moment Hope's face was shaded by her bobbed hair as she looked down, pausing for thought, then she gave her reply as she raised her head.

“She's jealous.”

“Of what?”

“Because I have Daddy and Uncle Ed and you, and it's like having three fathers. She only has a mother.”

“Well maybe her dad's left her mom or maybe he died and she thinks you're lucky to have a birth father, a stepfather and your biological father in your life.”

“ _I don't like her.”_

They had reached the school.

“Just try and be kind?” Jim suggested.

“I doubt that will make a difference, she hates me!” Hope got out of the car, adding, “See you Friday, Father!”

Jim blinked, his head full of thoughts of work and cases he and Harvey still had open, as well as the fact that his daughter had that _Penguin_ look in her eyes when ever she mentioned this new girl at school, as if she was a mortal enemy.

“Friday?”

“I'm staying with you this weekend?”

Then he remembered. Hope stayed the weekend twice a month. Oswald had no objection to the amount of time he spent with their daughter, but being a cop meant long hours and Jim couldn't often get the time to be with Hope.

“Yes, you are. I forgot. But I've remembered now!” he smiled, and Hope smiled back.

“Bye, Father,” she said, then she hurried off towards the open gates, where two of her friends were waiting, and then the three girls hurried towards the entrance together.

Jim drove away, now thinking about work, but at the back of his mind, he was feeling a little concerned: _Shit, if Hope lost it, if she really lost it with that girl..._ He never wanted Hope's temper to explode, and it sounded like she felt very provoked by Nessa – who didn't know Hope Nygma-Gordon was very much like her birth father, whose temper had been the stuff of legend back in the old days...

 

Ed had followed Oswald into the front room, then Oswald sat down on a comfortable sofa and leaned his cane against it, he smiled as Ed joined him, and Ed was fascinated by the mysterious look in his eyes, in strange sort of way it was still worrying him – what could be so secret and so important that they had to discuss it when Hope was not home?

 _Maybe he misses the old days,_ Riddler said inside his head, _Maybe you'll wind up robbing a bank tonight, won't that be fun!_

 _Shut up, those days are over. We both know we would never take such a risk, we could go to jail and lose Hope! She always comes first, her and Oswald, you said that before I did, remember?_ Ed replied silently.

 _I can never forget, now YOU shut up!_ Riddler replied, then thankfully the voice in his head, who felt the scarring of the bad memories as sharply as he did, fell silent.

“What's the big secret, Oz?” he asked.

Oswald smiled as he took hold of Ed's hand. He was gripping it rather tightly as his gaze took on intensity. What ever was about to be said was something big and clearly, Oswald was excited about it...

“As you know, it's been twelve years since Hope was born,” he began, “And back then I made some bad choices... I didn't consult you, we were going through a very rough time and I just wanted us to have a child and be happy together, I really thought it was the best thing to do....after a few drinks, of course. I didn't make that rash decision to go to black market doctor to get that death trap put inside me sober! I did it because I love you and I didn't mean for things to happen how they did -”

“Oswald, please stop this!” said Ed, “You had a one night stand with Jim, you were both drunk, then you went into denial about the pregnancy, and we know what happened after that, please don't talk about _that_... why are you bringing this up now? We've made a new life together, we're married, we're raising Hope, everything is just fine. Can you please spare me reminders of the past and tell me what this is about?”

Oswald had noticed Ed was getting stressed. He always did when he talked about Hope's birth or those days afterwards. Before the book had been written, he had been taking with the author, going into detail about what had happened after the black market birth implant had ruptured. Ed had walked out of the room... Oswald looked into his eyes, his gaze radiating the love that had brought him to this decision, and then he spoke again.

“I know it was hard after Hope was born.”

“Hard?” Ed exclaimed, behind his glasses his eyes had glazed with tears, “You don't recall how hard it was for _me_!”

“And that is in the past, Ed,” Oswald reminded him, “These days, all male fertility implants are safe and reliable. Male childbirth in Gotham now has a mortality rate of zero point four percent – that's only because of birth fathers who had pre existing health conditions, it's practically zero, Ed! Today's implants are safe, they don't rupture, they expand as they should-”

Ed winced.

“Don't tell me any more about childbirth -”

But Oswald was caught up in reeling off the facts.

“ - they release all the right chemicals and drugs and allow for the artificial birth canal to join with the implantation scar, it opens up without tearing, the birth father can push the baby out – usually without any kind of intervention needed. There's never been a safer time for men to be having babies, Ed! Surgical births only make up something like fifteen percent of all male births these days. ”

Ed stared at him. Oswald's grip on his hand had got tighter and Ed had suddenly been hit with a horrible, icy fear that was going to suggest... _No, please don't say it_ , he thought silently. Oswald smiled again, looking into his eyes as he hoped his words would reassure him. _He knew Ed didn't like thinking about the days after Hope's birth, it still upset him, but didn't bad memories upset everyone? They had come through it, they were ready for this..._

“It's been twelve years since Hope was born,” Oswald reminded him, “And I am fully aware that male birth is easier and safer than female birth, I also know male birth is twice as painful and very hard on the body, even with the most straightforward of births. And I'm not getting any younger. I want to do this while I still can. _I want another baby, Ed. I want a baby with you, and this time I want to do it the right way, a safe implant, a pregnancy we can both enjoy together, and of course I want a non surgical birth. Hope's birth was an emergency. This one will be different_.”

Ed's face paled as he stared at him. Oswald's gaze shone with love and enthusiasm as he spoke again.

“This time we can _share_ the experience!”

“You... you can't take that risk...”Ed stammered.

Oswald laughed, shaking his head at the suggestion.

“Ed, there's no risk! I have no reason to have a surgical birth, I'm not too wealthy and privileged to push! I want a proper birth experience! _And I want you to be there, too._ ”

His voice had softened as he said that, then he gave Ed's hand a squeeze.

“I know it's overwhelming! You can't find the words, can you?”

“Right...” Ed whispered. His throat had gone tight.

Oswald was still talking.

“I can have the implant fitted on Friday, I went to see Lee last week -”

“ _Last week?”_

“Yes Ed, last week. And Lee assured me I'm in very good health. She said because of the trauma and everything I went through with Hope's birth she will have to monitor me carefully – purely to be sure my mental and emotional well being is taken care of – but that's just a precaution. She told me she knows we are both doing a great job with Hope and she said there's no reason why I shouldn't have another baby. But this will have to be my last one, because birth is so physically demanding. This is our chance to have a baby together. Ed, I've always wanted to have your child!”

Oswald let go of his hand and threw his arms around him, pulling him close as joy shone in his gaze. As Ed weakly hugged him, his own expression couldn't have been more opposite – he was pale and shocked and blinking away tears: _Oswald wanted to have another baby? After what happened last time?_ While Oswald was overwhelmed with joy and excitement, Ed felt like the whole world had just come crashing down, bringing with it overwhelming fear that made it hard to breathe...One thought that ran through his mind:

_This can't happen. I can't go through that nightmare again...I'll lose Oswald...  
_

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

Oswald was so thrilled about breaking the news, he hadn't noticed Ed was in a deep state of shock. He had said something about going over to the hospital and picking up some information about the fertility implantation process, because he wanted him to read all the information available... and then Ed had made an excuse about staying home to tidy Hope's room, and Oswald had kissed him goodbye and grabbed his car keys.

Ed had waited until he had left, then he had gone upstairs and blinked away tears as he picked up laundry from the floor and then made the bed, trying to clean up after his messy twelve year old step child with blurring eyes as he tried not to cry. Then he gave up on fighting it and went back to the main bedroom, where he sat down on the bed he shared with Oswald, took off his glasses, put his head in his hands and wept.

 _You're too weak for this, Ed_ , said Riddler, _We both know what we went through twelve years ago but it's different this time! You're still scared, you can't move on! You're a weak, pathetic coward! He wants a baby? He can have mine! If you can't get it up, I will! I'll get it up, I'll knock him up too!_

“ _SHUT UP!”_ Ed shouted, then he got up and hurried into the bathroom, ran the tap and filled a glass of water and took another antipsychotic, and after putting the bottle back, he cracked open his tranquillizers and popped one of those, too. They worked fast. _Goodbye, shaking hands,_ he thought, _and fuck you, Riddler..._

Then Ed looked into the mirror and paused to wipe his eyes. He didn't want to look tearful when Oswald returned home. He couldn't even talk about half the shit that was going through his mind. He felt like he was trapped in a nightmare, a nightmare where everything that happened before would happen again, but this time, Oz wouldn't make it...

 _And it will be my fault,_ Ed thought, _I'll be the one who kills him, this time it won't be Jim's baby that does the damage, it will be mine. I am not perfect. I can't say I have never wronged him, because I have! But he can't go through that a second time and survive... I can't kill the man I love!_

Suddenly, he wished he had not taken the meds and shut up Riddler. His own thoughts as Ed were far more terrifying than Riddler could ever match...

Ed left the bathroom and went through to the bedroom, where he sat down again on the bed. He took a few deep breaths just to reassure himself that he could still breathe, and then he thought back to those dark days years before and all that had happened, all the things he couldn't bear to talk about had just come closer, raised from their shallow grave in his mind as he recalled the start of the day when the world had slid sideways and tipped him straight into hell...

 

**12 Years Before:**

 

 _It had been a good night._ Ed had enjoyed the attention of his audience, who always loved his often violent and bloody game show hosted in the Narrows. It was the only attention he got these days, the past few months had seen his relationship with Oswald go cold. He partly blamed himself for having a fight with him, a fight that had left Oswald bruised and bloody. Oswald had thrown it in his face, reminding him of the day he had shot him and left him to die in the Gotham River. Ed had reminded him he had done that because he had killed Isabella. It had been bad. The worst violence between them since the day of the shooting. And Oswald had responded by walking out of the mansion and disappearing for three weeks. In the time he was gone, he had called him once – purely to reassure anyone who might be concerned that the king of the underworld was not dead, merely away for a while. He had refused to tell Ed where he was staying, or who he was with...

When he had come back, after a few weeks of barely speaking to each other, Oswald had suddenly made a move on him, begging him for another chance, begging him to take him to bed. Ed had pushed him away. Another quarrel had started, Oswald had left – and returned the next morning looking like he had been in a very bad fight...

That had been months back. Since then, Oswald had tried to be polite, he had told him he still loved him. He wanted to mend things, he had said. But Ed had not known how. Too many fights, too many harsh words... his heart was aching for the past and the way things used to be as walked through the street, heading for his parked car, which was a long way from the rough Narrows and the risk of theft.

 _Then it had happened. The start of everything falling apart._ If he had thought his relationship problems had been bad, he was about to realise what really mattered, and also he would soon come to understand that things could get a lot worse. So bad, that it would be life and attitude changing, by the time this was over, Ed would be a changed man and his priorities would be completely different. He would be vowing to cherish every second, every minute of every hour with his precious Oswald, and he would keep that promise too... Back then life had been very different. But it all changed, starting with the car that pulled up alongside him as Jim Gordon said his name...

Ed stopped walking, staring at Jim.

“What do you want, Jim?” he said, as he wondered why the cops were on to him – okay, his game show in the Narrows was violent. But that was the Narrows.. _What did that have to do with the GCPD? Had someone complained? Was he about to be shut down, was he about to be arrested? Did he need to think about running, or pulling a knife?_

“Ed, you're not in trouble,” Jim said, “But you need to come with me. Oswald's in Gotham General, it's serious.”

Panic took over as he got into the car. Jim drove away with the siren on, the car picked up speed as traffic cleared to let him through. Ed's heart was racing as fear wrapped around every beat. He could barely breathe.

“ _Oh no.. no... not Oz... what happened? Has he been shot?”_

“No, Ed, he collapsed in the street and he was rushed to the emergency room. He's in surgery right now. Lee said it's not looking good and so I said I'd come and find you.”

“That was thoughtful...” Ed's voice trembled. He took in a sharp breath as he tried to keep his emotions in check, _“What's wrong with him?”_

Jim was still speeding through the city, negotiating heavy traffic.

“I don't know,” he replied, “Lee will speak to you about it.”

Ed stared at him.

“You must know what's wrong with him?”

Jim kept his eyes on the road. Ed knew nothing about their one night stand. He also knew nothing about how fond Jim was of Oswald, and right now that was too much to think about. He was still in shock to learn Oswald had collapsed with a ruptured black market fertility implant, the baby was full term and had only survived because the artificial sac that kept it breathing was intact. The unit had ruptured badly, causing injury to Oswald's internal organs. Lee had said the implant wasn't positioned right, it was too high up, and most of the necessary chemicals were absent. That baby had grown just below his ribcage and stayed there with no means of delivery, that implant was another black market death trap, and it looked like Oswald was going to become another statistic of the fatalities caused by illegal, poorly made fertility units. Jim wanted to hunt down the bastard who had put the thing inside him and blow his head off. But all he could do was track down Ed, Oswald's partner and next of kin, and get him to the hospital while poor Oswald was still breathing. Lee didn't rate his chance of survival highly... And obviously, Jim had assumed the baby was Ed's...

They arrived outside the hospital and Jim stopped the car.

“I hope he makes it, Ed,” he said with genuine concern in his gaze.

Ed gave no answer as he wrenched the door open, got out and then ran towards the entrance...

 

Ed had spent ten dizzying, panicked minutes asking for Oswald, then he had been directed to the second floor, where he had been told to wait. He sat down in a waiting area and then Riddler yelled, _Where the fuck is he? What the fuck is going on? Find out, you useless piece of shit!_ And Ed and taken a deep breath, whispered _Fuck off_ , and the voice had gone silent. Then as Lee approached him, he stood up and felt numb as he saw the look on her face. This was bad, this was very bad...

“How is he? What happened to him, I... I don't understand!” Ed drew in a shallow breath and felt dizzy again.

Lee put a hand on his arm, looking into his eyes with compassion. For a moment he feared his Oz was already gone. What she said next was far more shattering than anything he might have imagined.

“Oswald made it through the surgery but he may have further complications. The trauma caused injury to internal organs, somewhat comparable to the kind of tearing and internal bleeds seen in car crash victims. There's trauma to the liver and spleen, a tear in his stomach, any one of these injuries could bleed again, he's now on medication to try and prevent that but it's likely he will need more surgical treatment. He's very weak, Ed. He was weak before he collapsed, didn't you notice he's lost some weight?”

Ed felt as if all his blood had just drained away as the corridor spun violently. He took in a sharp breath, still confused, thinking _Why, what could have happened to him?_

“I noticed he's not been eating much for a while, he tried but he kept throwing up.... Lee, what's wrong with him?” Ed's voice had trembled as he blinked away tears.

“The implant wasn't genuine, it was black market. It wasn't positioned correctly and over time his stomach was being crushed, it would have been very difficult to keep food down. He was in no shape to go through something like this. Oswald is out of surgery, he's on life support and I can't promise he will come through this, Ed...” Lee paused, it had been a heartbreaking experience to have an emergency come in and then realise that emergency was someone she knew, but at least she could give Ed some good news...

“ _But the baby survived._ She's a couple of weeks early but she's arrived safe and well, she weighs seven pounds twelve ounces and she's got a little bruise on her cheek from when the implant ruptured, it pushed her against Oswald's ribs and he got a fracture, but she's fine, she's healthy.”

Ed stared at her.

“Baby?” he said in confusion, “I... I don't understand... what's a baby got to do with Oswald?”

Then Lee saw the look on his face heard the confusion in his voice... _Ed didn't know?_

“Oswald was pregnant,” she said, “Didn't he tell you?”

“No...” Ed's voice was barely audible as he gave his reply, then he sank back down into the seat and gave a sob.

Lee sat beside him and took hold of his hand. Ed was shaking and his hand felt ice cold.

“Listen to me, Ed,” she said carefully, “Oswald didn't go through the proper channels to get that fertility implant. He went to an illegal trader and bought a black market unit that enabled him to conceive and carry the baby, but it was incapable of birth function. The implant ruptured, and that's why Oswald has serious injuries. I'm sure he had his reasons for keeping this secret. Maybe he wanted to surprise you, maybe he believed the implant was genuine. But he is very weak and his body can't withstand much more. You could lose him, Ed. Do you want to see your little girl? It might help if you hold her while you see Oswald.”

“Oh no... oh,no...” Ed gasped, and he got up again, fighting off a wave of dizziness as tears streaked his face... _Oz had been pregnant? He had secretly got a black market fertility implant and... He hadn't slept with Oswald for more than ten months..._

“How the hell will seeing that baby make a difference?” Ed said tearfully.

“Because you're a family now,” Lee said kindly as she rose from her seat, “And if Oswald wakes up, seeing his baby might give him the strength to fight.”

“I just want to see him, I want to be with my Oz,” he said as he stifled a sob.

“Okay, if that's what you want, you can do that, Ed,” Lee replied, and as she led him away, Ed was still quietly weeping.

The shock was still sinking in, the realisation that he might lose Oswald. And the other shock had hit him just as hard, as the thought ran through his mind but he stayed silent about it:

_I haven't touched him for months. That baby isn't mine..._

 

As Ed stood at Oswald's bedside, he heard Lee repeat that Oswald was in a serious condition. She went through all of it again, to be sure he understood. Ed could hear her, but as he looked at Oswald, looking so pale and weak as he barely clung to life, all he could think about was every quarrel, every fight, every angry word that had ever passed between them.

“I am so sorry,” Ed whispered.

“It's not your fault,” Lee reminded him, and Ed looked at her like she was crazy.

“ _I know that!”_

“You can sit with him and I can fetch the baby, it will do her good to have her father hold her – she will know who you are.”

“I doubt that very much,” Ed muttered as he grabbed a seat and shifted it closer to Oswald's bedside and then sat down.

“Her birth daddy can't hold her, Ed. You should meet her. That little baby is probably wondering where her father is.”

 _So am I,_ Ed thought silently.

“Ed, did you hear me? Maybe I should bring her in here, you could hold her while you sit with Oswald. He's gone through a lot to bring her into this world.”

“I just want to sit here with him,” tension was creeping into his voice.

He kept his gaze fixed on the sight of his Oz, who he hadn't loved or appreciated as much as he knew he should, not in a long while. His precious Oswald, who might never know just how loved he was, because he might not make it through this. Tears blurred Ed's eyes as he looked at him, last time he had seen him had been earlier that morning, he had looked pale and tired but there had been no outward sign that anything was amiss.

Maybe he would have noticed if he had been closer to him, if they had shared a room again, shared a bed once more, he didn't doubt he would have noticed the visible swelling beneath his ribcage. He had assumed Oz had just put on some weight around his belly lately – but of course that weight had been hidden beneath his suit and he never went out without a coat... _He had hid this pregnancy all these months? Had he been afraid to tell him, did he think this news would have driven him away?_

Ed's gaze was still fixed on Oswald as he watched him lying there, still and weak and kept alive by the machinery and the lines that were hooked up to his body. If he had known about this, if he had known Oswald had used one of those illegal black market death traps, Ed knew his reaction would have been to demand he had the implant removed, right at the start, even if Oswald had been desperate to keep that baby, he knew he would have talked him out of it, he would have done _anything_ to avoid this happening. A high percentage of men who used street implants died if the unit ruptured. Ed knew this, he was sure Oswald knew this too – why the hell had he done something so risky?

“Ed, I'm going to leave you to sit with Oswald for a while. Would you like me to bring the baby in to you?”

He turned his head and looked up at Lee as anger reflected in his tearful eyes.

“ _No, I do not want to see that child!”_ he said sharply.

“It's not the baby's fault,” Lee reminded him, “And Oswald clearly didn't expect anything to go wrong. But that implant was black market and if you know where he got it from, you need to tell the police.”

Ed blinked as he cleared his vision and tears streaked his face.

“ _Lee,”_ he said as his voice broke up tearfully, _“I didn't even know about the baby! Please, just leave me alone, I want to be with Oz!”_

“I'll be back soon,” she said, “Just stay with Oswald. Talk to him, he might be able to hear you.”

As she walked away and left the room Ed gave a sob, then cautiously reached out and took hold of Oswald's hand.

“Why did you do this, Oz?” he whispered, then shook his head, realising it was far too late to be asking such questions. Oswald was barely hanging on. Right now, reasons _why_ didn't matter.

“I am so sorry,” Ed told him, “I'm sorry for every time I pushed you away, every quarrel... all of the shit we've been through. All that matters is you and I love you. Please don't die. Give me a chance to prove how much you mean to me. Please live long enough for me to give you the love you always deserved.”

Ed's tearful words were met with silence as Oswald lay there unresponsive.

“Maybe I'm being selfish,” Ed paused to wipe his eyes, “Maybe I don't deserve a second chance with you. But you can't give up now...”

Then he fell silent, thinking the words he couldn't say aloud, in case Oswald could hear him: _What the fuck happened, Oz? I know how much you love me. You begged me to take you in my arms...I think you wanted a child with me. And something else happened, something went wrong..._

Ed gave a sharp gasp as he was hit with the most horrible, nightmare inducing conclusion as his blood felt like iced slush cold and heavy in his veins:

_When had Oswald stayed out all night, and come home the next morning with his suit ripped? It had been months back. And Oswald had said, he had been in a fight... No, it had been more than a fight... His shy and insecure Oswald, who he had pushed away had gone out to get drunk... and then what, some vile bastard had flattered him with compliments, said all the right things and won his trust and then forced himself on him? Oz had put up a fight, but it was obvious what had happened...He had come home and blocked out the ordeal, not realising that implant had worked, but with his attacker instead of his lover..._

Ed stood up and leaned over Oswald's bed, then as he blinked away more tears, he tenderly brushed dark tendrils of hair out of his closed eyes, then spoke softly to him.

“I hope you can hear me, sweetheart,” he said, “I know what's happened. And I blame you for nothing! I am going to take care of you and your child, I'm going to love and cherish you for the rest of our lives. It's okay, Oz. I'm right here. I'm with you, I will make everything okay, for you and your little girl...”

Then he kissed his cheek. Oswald gave no response as Ed sat down again and once again took hold of his hand. As Ed sat there in silence, Riddler spoke inside his head: _We need to take great care of Oswald. He's ours. And that baby is Oswald's. She needs to be loved, she needs a family. If Oswald dies, we are her only family. Make sure Lee thinks that baby is yours, Ed._

At that moment, Ed had never been more thankful for Riddler's presence inside his head, and for his dark half having the strength he lacked.

“ _Yes,”_ he whispered, _“Yes, we will do that, we must do that, for Oswald...”_

 

**12 Years Later:**

 

Ed wiped his eyes and pulled away from thoughts of the past. His conclusion had been wrong – thank god – but it would take a while for Oswald to tell him what had really happened, and who he had spent that night with. Those memories felt so painfully fresh Ed could only liken them to scar that had opened up and started to bleed all over again:

Why had Oswald decided to do this now, when life had been just fine? Hope was twelve years old, she was happy, she didn't deserve to see her birth daddy go through hell for a second time... Ed wanted to believe that there was no risk to Oswald, but he had lived through a nightmare when Hope was born. His husband couldn't remember most of it, he had been critical for three weeks, had two more surgeries to stop bleeding, he didn't remember any of what Ed had witnessed. Oswald didn't understand the level of terror and helplessness he had felt every time he had been rushed back in for surgery and he didn't know how it felt to be told each time that the one he loved might not survive. His first real memory had been waking up to Ed cradling the baby he had now bonded with, that little girl who so reminded him of the man he loved...

Ed went into the bathroom and splashed his face with water, but it barely hid the redness around his eyes. He checked his watch. Oz would be back soon. He couldn't let him know he had been reliving the past and weeping. He had never really talked about any of it, and he had never mentioned how the thought of him having another baby filled him with the worst terror imaginable. All the statistics Oz had repeated to him about safety meant nothing, not after all he had witnessed after Hope's unexpected birth... Ed felt powerless all over again. Oswald always got what he wanted. He wouldn't let this go, he wanted another baby and he would have that implant and it would stay there until he got what he longed for...

Another thought had just come to mind, and it only made matters worse: _Oswald wouldn't give up on this idea, no matter what he said. But feeling as he did, how was he even expected to get it up?_ The thought of being responsible for putting him at such risk had the same effect as ice cold water poured down his underwear. He wouldn't be able to to make love, not knowing the risk... and Oz would be upset, maybe feel rejected, then angry. Maybe he would leave... This could break their marriage... Unless Riddler stepped in and did the deed for him. He never wanted his alter ego to have such a significant say in their lives...

Ed was thankful he had dosed up on his meds. Without them, he was sure he would be in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack by now. He went back downstairs, trying to stay calm as he remembered not to show his fears in front of Oswald. He had to stay in control, he would be back soon, and the last thing either of them needed was to fall out at a time like this. Ed hadn't quarrelled with him since Hope's birth. He never wanted to risk losing him again...

 

Oswald had picked up the information for Ed and left the hospital. Then he had sat in his car for a brief while, thinking about the past. Strangely, going back into that building didn't bring back a rush of horrible memories. For Oswald, it brought back the memory of finally waking and feeling weak and tired, and then remembering how he had collapsed in the street with a terrible pain beneath his ribs that had spread through his body. He had recalled everything that had led up to this, and then as he saw Ed standing close to his bed with his back turned, he had weakly said his name, then the word _Sorry_ as tears had formed in his eyes. And Ed had turned around with Hope in his arms and love shining in his eyes as he had said, _It's okay. I love you both. We're a family now..._

The truth about what had happened on that night his suit had got torn had eventually been revealed, much to Ed's relief. It hadn't been easy at first, but they had managed to make it work, and now Jim was a part of the family. And this next baby would be a completely different experience, the thought brought a smile to his face as he pictured the months ahead, as Ed's child, that baby he longed for, grew inside him. Ed would be so thrilled the first time the baby kicked. He could only imagine the joy he would experience on the day their baby was born...

Then as he recalled the day he had told him about his one night stand with Jim, another memory came to mind and it gave him a jolt:

Ed had looked into his eyes and said, _Is there anything else I don't know?_ And he had promised him he had no more secrets. _That wasn't exactly true._ He had never told him where he gone to after he walked out and vanished for three weeks, because after finding out about the baby and his one night stand, he feared learning what he had done in the weeks before he had the implant fitted would have been too much for Ed to take...

Oswald gave a heavy sigh. He had kept a secret for almost thirteen years, and it would have to stay that way... He felt deep regret even though regret was pointless and changed nothing. _Words were powerful as guns sometimes, just as capable of devastation, and he had been so angry, so furious and back then, so unaware of the damage his words had caused... But that was just another one of the secrets kept under the troubled skies of Gotham, a secret that Ed could never know about, and it was nothing to do with Jim..._

Just then, he heard a text message alert and took his phone from his pocket. Oswald read the message:

_I sent the money back. How many times do I have to tell you, we don't need your cash!_

Reading those words made him instantly tense as anger smouldered in his eyes as they reflected he pale skies above as he watched the clouds, silently trying to compose the best response before he began to type...

 _You evil fucking witch,_ he began, then he deleted it, and instead replied: _I was trying to be nice. Can we please remember it's not about us?_

Oswald sent the message. A reply came back:

_I swear, if you don't give up on this, one of these days, this secret is going to be out in the open, all over Gotham. Let's see what that does to your shiny new respectable reputation!_

Oswald shook his head, feeling anger rise as he replied.

_And what about you? Is our secret going to be shared with the world? Really? You first, honey... I dare you!_

There was a delay as he waited for the reply to come back. Oswald smiled as he looked down at the phone, as an old quarrel resurfaced and yet again, he felt like the winner in a battle of bitterness that had grown from hatred that should never have turned into the mutation it had become. Some relationships were just plain destructive and she had been as toxic as him, together they had been a mess he never wanted to recall, bringing out the very worst in each other. Being alone together had been insane, it was either kill or fuck each other... and at the time, with his relationship with Ed falling apart, escaping for three weeks and doing nothing but fuck each other had seemed like a logical idea, in a crazy kind of way.

Even now, the thrill of what he had got up to back in those days was intoxicating if he closed his eyes and thought about certain moments:

Her kneeling at his feet as he raised her head to meet his gaze, and he had whispered, _“I know all about changing a person. I was tortured in Arkham, I understand the link between pain and understanding...I want to believe you, but I don't think you're better yet...I don't think you feel true remorse...”_

 _Oh, it had been so fucked up. It had been three wild weeks._ Dominating her had felt like payback for all the times he had ever suffered in his whole life. And she had come every single time, enjoying every minute of their unholy alliance... Looking back he guessed he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't been drinking constantly. But when they had parted company, his mind was clear. _Demons exorcised_. He had a plan, and that plan was to go back to Gotham, get an implant and have a baby with Ed, and build a life with him. But of course, that plan had gone wrong...

He looked down at his phone. No reply.

“I win,” he said in a low voice, then he deleted the messages and started the engine, driving away as he switched his thoughts to home and Ed and all they had to look forward to: The past was gone. He had Hope, and now was going to have another baby, this time with Ed. That was what he wanted to focus on now, his family and the new baby. The fact that he would always have a little secret in plain sight of everyone who knew him was nothing to worry about... _She would never admit to what had happened between them. And he would definitely never admit it._

In quiet moments, if he thought too hard and too long about it, he would turn over at three in the morning and look at Ed and feel a flicker of panic to imagine how he would react if he ever found out exactly _who_ he had spent three weeks with all those years ago when he had disappeared... Ed only knew about his one night with Jim. If he ever found out about his twenty one days of filth and debauchery with her, it would devastate him... _and_ he would seriously wonder exactly how crazy his perfect Oz really was... Ed really wouldn't understand. And it wasn't even because they had been apart and he had been lonely. There was _no_ excuse that Ed could accept for _this_...

Oswald pushed those thoughts aside as he hit the highway and headed for home. He couldn't wait to talk Ed through the implant process, he was sure he would be excited to hear every detail of the first step on their journey to having a baby together...

 

For Hope, the day had not started well. First she had been sat next to Nessa, the new girl who kept staring at her, and then, just before the teacher had started the lesson, Nessa had turned to her with a resentful glare in her dark eyes and said, “ _Go for it, Hope. Start bragging all about your three fathers – I'll just stand up when it's my turn and tell everyone how great my Mom is!”_

Hope's pale eyes shone with a cold glare as she had whispered, “ _Shut up Nessa, this is your last warning!”_

“ _I'm not scared of you,”_ Nessa replied.

“ _Not yet,”_ said Hope as she shot her an ice cold death stare.

Then as the teacher began to speak, Hope faced the front, even though Nessa's stare still seemed to burn into her. She knew she was still giving her evil looks, but that little problem would have to wait until after class...

“Today we are learning about the history of the male fertility implant,” said the teacher, “And I know quite a few of you come from families that have been made possible by the invention of this device, and as all families are different, I would like each of you to stand up and tell me about your parents, your mother and father, or your two fathers, or your two mothers, or your single parents. Let's see how all our families are made up...” she looked at Hope and smiled, “You can go first.”

Hope stood up, still feeling the eyes of her enemy boring into her as sure as she could sense her envy over her fathers as she started to speak.

“My name is Hope Nygma-Gordon and I live with my birth Daddy Oswald and his husband, my Uncle Ed. My Father is called Jim.”

The teacher smiled at her again. Hope knew there was more, because Miss Watson admired her Daddy, she had even asked him to sign a copy of his book when he had last visited the school...

“And your Daddy is very important to the history of the subject we are learning about today...would you like to tell us why?”

Hope smiled.

“My birth daddy is Oswald Cobblepot, he's the man who changed the law to keep people safe. I was born by a black market implant that almost killed him. So he made sure everyone could afford genuine implants and this put the traders who sold the fakes out of business.”

“I read in your Daddy's book,” said Miss Watson, “That there was a special reason why your name is Hope. Would you like to share that with the class?”

Hope knew all about the past. Everything had been explained to her a long time ago and she accepted it all as simple fact, even though everyone else close to her often got emotional when they remembered it.

“My birth Daddy was badly injured when I was born because the implant ruptured. The doctors didn't know if he would live. But then he started to recover, and on the day he started to get better I was named Hope – by my Uncle Ed.”

The teacher looked around the class.

“Was anyone else here born via a black market implant?”

No one put up their hand.

“You're very lucky, Hope,” Miss Watson said sincerely, “In those days, unfortunately most babies didn't survive ruptured implants, and neither did their birth fathers. You can sit down now, thank you for sharing with us.”

As Hope sat down, Nessa shot her a jealous glance.

“Nessa,” said the teacher, “It's your turn. As you're new to the class, this an excellent chance to tell everyone all about yourself!”

Nessa shot another jealous glance at Hope, then she stood up, tossing her deep brown hair off her shoulder as she began to speak:

“I don't have a father. He's not around. He left when I was born and that really doesn't matter. I have an awesome Mom. She is all I need, and she's smart and strong and clever and she inspires me every day.”

“Well all families are different and not all have two parents for various reasons. Your mother sounds like a very inspiring person, you're certainly strong and confident yourself, Nessa. I'm looking forward to meeting her.”

“Thank you,” she said, then she sat down again.

“You didn't introduce yourself to the class,” Miss Watson reminded her.

She gave a sigh and got up again, glared at Hope and then followed the teacher's request.

“ _My name is Vanessa Galavan,”_ she said.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

As Barbara Keane relaxed in her apartment, sitting with a phone in her hand, she laughed out loud as she read the response.

“Oh, this is going from bad to worse! You should have told him right at the start, made it clear -”

“I did,” Tabby replied as she sat beside her on the couch, giving a heavy sigh as her eyes reflected a mix of annoyance and regret, “I told him I didn't want his support or his money. I said, _this is not your baby_. This is _my_ baby.”

“And I remember what he said to _you_ all those years ago,” Barbara reminded her, “But it didn't stop you getting involved when Hope was born.”

The look in Tabby's eyes hardened.

“I didn't get involved, I can't get involved. That's why I sent _you!_ It wouldn't have been fair on Ed.”

Barbara passed her phone back to her. Tabby read the message and anger burned in her eyes.

“I bet you're really regretting how you set this up now,” Barbara added, “But, what's done is done. These quarrels with you and Oswald are amusing, though!”

“It's a small price to pay,” Tabby reminded her, she paused for thought, looking to the picture on the shelf of Barbara stood beside her holding Nessa as a baby. Barbara had never stopped being there for her, even if these days, they were just good friends. Money had never been a problem, but emotional support? That was priceless. Barbara had never let her down. She turned her head and met her gaze once more.

“Kids. They change everything. All that matters to me now is being there for her and giving her a good start in life.”

Amusement shone in Barbara's eyes.

“And I have a bar,” she said as she laughed, “It's _so_ much less complicated than having kids!”

Tabby started to smile.

“I'd rather have my kid than a business to cherish!”

“She is a lovely girl,” Barbara added fondly, then a wicked gleam came to her eyes, “Shame about your choice of father!”

“As long as _he_ stays away -”

“As long as Penguin doesn't ever mention a word about it,” Barbara replied, and now her amusement had gone, “As long as nothing affects him and Ed and Hope. That's the main thing. Because if it did, you'd have _that_ lunatic showing up at your door and we all know what his temper is like. I don't think anyone would be too happy if -”

“That won't happen,” Tabby reminded her quickly, then she checked her watch, “I'd better go. I have to pick Nessa up from school soon.”

 

Oswald had spent a long time explaining the implantation procedure to Ed, who had said little as he sat beside him, looking at diagrams and then looking away, occasionally nodding when he was asked if he was listening, and then eventually Oswald had put the information aside.

“Is everything okay, Ed?” he asked.

“ _I keep thinking about how it was before.”_

Ed's reply had been spoken in a hushed voice. That admission and no more. It was the best he could do. Opening up and sharing the truth with anyone, even Oswald, would be like forcing open a door that had been nailed shut many years ago, with the intention of keeping the monsters behind it sealed away forever. He couldn't say another word on the matter.

Oswald's voice was soft as he gave his reply.

“That was a long time ago, and we were very different people back then! I was a criminal, and so were you! I was also very stupid regarding the lack of thought I put into my choice of implant, I made some very bad decisions. Thankfully it all worked out for the best eventually. You must stop thinking about what happened back then. Now, back to what I said before, you'll have to drive on the way back form the hospital because I'll be a little drowsy from the anaesthetic -”

“When?” Ed felt confused. He wondered how much had slipped past him as he had sat there numb with shock as the past sat raw as a fresh wound at the forefront of his mind.

“Friday!” Oswald exclaimed as his eyes widened and Ed focussed on the fact that he was so pretty, because he needed something to focus on that was nothing to do with plans for another time bomb to be put inside his husband...

“Of course, this Friday...” Ed agreed, “Yes, I forgot...”

“And that's perfect because Hope is off to her Dad's for a sleepover,” Oswald added, “I really don't want Hope to worry. I shall have to tell her about our plans very soon. I think we should tell her together.”

He smiled and Ed forced a smile back as he silently wondered if Hope would pick up on how he was really feeling. She was as close to him as she was to her biological father, and that girl missed nothing.

“Do you think Hope might worry?”

Oswald shot him a look of surprise.

“Worry? Why would she worry about me having another baby, Ed? She knows how modern implants work, she's aware of the difference between how she came to be here and how the next child will be born – modern implants are very safe, you know that and she does too!”

Ed wanted to say so much but the words seemed stuck in his throat.

“What about later on,” he said as he struggled to keep his emotions in check, “We told her about her birth – she knows all about what happened. Don't you think Hope might worry about you?”

“No!” Oswald exclaimed, “Why would she worry?” he sat up, checked his watch and then glanced at Ed.

“I'd better leave soon, I need to meet Hope from school.”

Ed leaned closer, his eyes misted with emotion as he reached for him, running his hand over his hair, then gently stroking the back of his neck.

“It's okay, baby. You rest, save your strength. I'll go.”

As Ed got up Oswald stared at him, then he grabbed his cane and rose from his seat, seeing a flicker of confusion in Ed's eyes as he stood there blocking his path, with a hint of anger in his blue gaze.

“Save my strength? I'm having a ten minute procedure to enable us to have a child! I'm not sick!”

Ed breathed out hard, and taking in more air was difficult.

“Oh no... no, I didn't mean it like that... I just want to take care of you.”

The look in Oswald's eyes softened. _Poor Ed, he worried too much..._

“Okay, you pick Hope up from school. But you don't have to worry about me, Ed. It's a very safe procedure.”

“And I think we should wait until you've had it done before we tell Hope,” said Ed, guessing there was no need to worry her until she had to know...

Oswald stepped closer and put an arm around him as he leaned harder on his cane, and as their lips touched, Ed wrapped him in a tight embrace, wishing he could protect him from the dangers he seemed blissfully unaware of, dangers that were very much alive inside his own head. As he ended their kiss, love reflected in his eyes.

“I'll see you soon,” Ed told him, then he let go of him and his arms ached for a moment as he he silently swore they had never felt so empty. It was still on his mind that Oswald was about to take a terrible risk... it seemed no one else understood that, Oswald was happy about it, Lee was supporting his decision... _Had the whole world gone crazy while he wasn't looking? Was he the only sane person left aware of the risk to the one he loved?_ Ed left the house trying to block out the thoughts that scared him so much, because he had to pick his step daughter up from school.

 

Now the house was empty, Oswald glanced at the time and then to the drinks cabinet in the corner of the room.

“Why not?” he said, and he went over to it and poured himself a small glass of brandy, “Might as well enjoy it while I still can,” he remarked, then he took a sip and went back over to the sofa. Then as he sat down and leaned his cane against the chair, his phone rang. He saw it was Jim and put the glass down, then he put his feet up and laid back on the sofa with a smile on his face as he took the call.

“Hello old friend!” he said warmly.

He heard Jim laugh softly on the other end of the line.

“Hi Oswald. I was just calling to check it's still okay for Hope to come over this weekend? She reminded me it was Friday, I'd forgot and I thought maybe you and Ed might have forgot too -”

“No, that's fine, I remember,” Oswald replied as he rested comfortably, holding the phone to his ear while his free hand toyed with one of his dark swept up spikes, “Jim, I probably shouldn't be mentioning this yet, we're not telling Hope until she comes home after the weekend, but Edward and I have decided to have another baby.”

There was pause. Oswald was smiling as he awaited Jim's response.

“You are? Oh, that's great news, Oz!”

“I knew you would be happy for us! I'm having the implant fitted on Friday. Lee Tompkins is doing the procedure. I'm very confident I'm in good hands. And I'm _so_ excited about another baby!”

“You've waited long enough,” Jim agreed, “I definitely think you should do it, you're not getting any younger, it's been almost thirteen years since Hope was conceived!”

“Are you calling me old?” there was a playfulness about his tone that made Jim laugh.

“Well, the past few times I've been over to pick up Hope I haven't really seen much of you, Oz. I certainly hope those youthful looks are not fading.”

“I'll let you decide.”

Oswald activated the camera and raised the phone, he smiled as he took the selfie, then sent it to Jim.

“Still want to call me old?” he said teasingly.

“You look...very good!” Jim laughed softly again.

Oswald felt a flush spreading through his face. He was _not_ flirting, this was just two old friends having a light hearted conversation... he told himself that _every_ time he got a little too warm on the phone with Jim Gordon...

“Thank you, Jim,” Oswald replied, resisting the urge to dare him to send a picture back in return, “I should go now, I was having a quick drink before Ed gets back with Hope.”

“And I have to get back to work,” Jim replied, “I had a quiet five minutes, I don't usually have the time to call while I'm on duty. Speak soon, Oz. Say hi to Hope for me.”

“I'll do that. And it's always good to hear from you,” Oswald reminded him, then Jim ended the call.

Oswald put his phone away and then looked up at the ceiling and smiled, concluding he was so much better at taking compliments now than he had been in the old days. And while he had done nothing wrong in speaking so warmly to Jim, it always made him feel good when he said such nice things...

 _But it hadn't always been that way..._ As he recalled that day that had made a bad situation even worse, he felt a brief ache in his heart as he thought of the day he had walked into the GCPD and realised Jim had swiftly moved on from that night they had shared together...

 

**12 Years Before:**

 

It had been over four months before Oswald had realised that implant he didn't want to think about was making its presence known. It was getting bigger, there was a small swelling beneath his rib cage. He had tried to tell himself that maybe the black market unit was breaking up, perhaps it would harmlessly melt away, maybe it had to get bigger first... But one morning in the shower he had touched it and _it_ had moved. Something inside it had moved and he had felt it, and then he had cried while he was under the water because he couldn't allow Ed to know anything.

Those were dark days, sometimes he would hide the growing bump under layers of clothing and tell himself there was no baby. Then there had been a fight with a troublesome gang over territory and some guy had lashed out with a blade, only missing the swelling under his ribs because he had moved out of the way fast. Oswald's voice could not be heard above the bursts of gunfire from his men as he had pinned the guy to the wall, his eyes blazing with fury as he had yelled, _“I'm fucking pregnant, you bastard!”_ then he had slit his throat and left him to bleed out. He had looked down at that body as he thought about how close that knife had been, and then, for the first time, he had wrapped an arm around that swelling and cradled his baby bump. That had been the first time he had felt it, that ferocious, deep need to protect that tiny life growing inside him. _It was there, it was real. And it was Jim Gordon's child and Jim had to know..._

A few days later, Oswald had walked into the GCPD and asked for Detective Gordon. A few of the cops had turned around and looked at him, wondering what Penguin wanted now. Perhaps they had also noticed he was wrapped up in a heavy coat, and he looked pale and tired and had shadows forming under his eyes.

Eating had started to become a problem. That baby was putting pressure on his stomach, he could feel it along with every other ache and pain that stabbed through his body on a daily basis. If he tried to eat more than a mouthful of food, he would throw up. While the swelling was growing he wasn't gaining any more weight, instead he was losing it and feeling weak and light headed. All he wanted to do was sleep.

He had found out more about the birth process and it sounded simple in theory – the implant would start labour and then as it detached, push the baby downward. He wouldn't have to physically push until the very last part of the process. _If the implant wasn't faulty. If he hadn't bought himself a death trap..._ He seemed to hear stories about killer implants everywhere he went. And each time, he felt icy cold fear as he wondered what would become of him and the baby. He wanted to ask for help, but then Ed would find out. He was sure he would think of a plan, but not yet, first, he had to tell Jim...

“ _What do you want?”_

As Jim walked up to meet him, he had a stack of paperwork in his hand and he looked far too busy to talk.

“Jim...” Oswald stepped closer, leaning on his cane as he met his gaze, “I need to talk to you about something... not here, can we -”

“ _Jim, are we still having that drink after work?”_

As that question was asked by a tall, good looking cop who smiled at him as Jim smiled back, the look was certainly flirtatious, and Oswald felt crushed.

“Sure, I'll catch up with you later,” then Jim looked back at him impatiently.

“What do you want, Oswald? I'm busy, this isn't a good time for...” he glanced nervously about the room, “Social calls,” he said, giving him a look that silently warned him not to put his career in jeopardy by suggesting he and one of Gotham's most notorious criminals were no more than casual acquaintances.

Oswald just stood there, glad of the cane that steadied him. He felt as if the world around him had just crumbled.

“ _Jim, I...I'm...”_

Jim looked at him impatiently.

“What?” he demanded.

Just then Barnes opened up the door to his office and yelled _Gordon_.

“I have to go,” Jim said.

“No, wait -” Oswald began, but Jim had already walked away. Oswald blinked away tears as he whispered the words he had never said before, but no one around him heard them, least of all Jim Gordon...

“ _I'm pregnant...”_

Oswald blinked away tears, then looked down at the floor so no one saw he was upset, and quickly left the building.

Moments later he was leaning against a wall in a narrow alley, out of sight of the rest of the city as he put his hand to his mouth and stifled a sob. This plan had gone wrong in the worst possible way, in every way that it could... now he was pregnant and the baby wasn't Ed's and he would certainly know that... He had to tell him before the child was born – _if_ it was born, _if_ this implant he had secretly paid for actually worked and didn't kill them both in the process... _He was scared. He wished his mother was still alive so he could cry in her arms. Mother would know what to do, she would know... but she wasn't there. No one was there for him..._

Oswald felt the baby move and he slid his hand down and inside his coat, placing a protective hand over the growing bump.

“We'll figure something out,” he said tearfully, “It's just you and me now...I won't let you down, little one.”

Then Oswald wiped his eyes and took a deep breath and hobbled back on to the busy street, his secret still safe, as he headed for his car and wondered how he could begin to explain to Ed... Eventually, he would have to tell him.

 

**12 Years Later:**

 

While Oswald was at home, his thoughts drifting back to the past, Ed had arrived at the school. As he parked and waited for Hope, he noticed the car parked across the street. A woman had just got out... _Was that Tabby Galavan?_ Ed got out of his car and looked over just in time to see kids start coming out of the school gates, and a tall, slim girl with brown hair ran up to Tabby. He hesitated for a moment, then called her name. Tabby looked around, saw him and looked away, ushering her daughter quickly into the car. She drove off fast, and as he watched her leave, Hope spoke up.

“Did you see her? That's Nessa. I _hate_ her!”

Hope got into the car and so did Ed.

“Why do you hate her?”

“She's always staring at me. She's jealous because I have you and two fathers and she only has a Mom.”

Ed started the engine.

“Maybe you should try and be kind to her.”

Hope shot him a look of disbelief that he could only label _Angry Oswald._

“But she hates me!”

“She just wishes she had a father, that's all. Not everyone is as lucky as you, Hope. There could be a million reasons why Nessa's father isn't around. Maybe he's dead. Or knowing Tabby, maybe she fell out with him very badly, maybe their relationship ended with a lot of hurt feelings – or maybe he wasn't the kind of person she wanted as a Dad for her child. We will never know. But I knew Tabby in the old days. She's a very tough lady. I'm sure Nessa doesn't miss out on anything, I don't doubt she's a great mother.”

“Was she a friend of yours?”

“Friend?”

They had started driving away from the school. He laughed, and she shot him a look of confusion.

“Not exactly. But that was long ago. Life was very different then for all of us.”

As they said no more on the subject, Ed was still thinking about Tabby and her daughter. He didn't even know her and Hope went to the same school until now. By the time they reached home, his worries had started creeping back as he thought of Oswald and the pregnancy and the terrible memories of Hope's birth... But he stayed silent about it, not daring to let Hope see there was something on his mind. She wouldn't have to worry yet, and neither would he – until Oswald got that damned implant. There was no way to back out of this, his heart was set on another baby, and Oswald always got what he wanted...

 

Over at the GCPD, Jim was in his office, and taking a rare quiet afternoon to drink coffee and run through case files. And stop to admire that selfie sent by Oswald... He looked at it fondly, then he put his phone away and sipped his coffee again. He had fully expected to lose his job when the truth had finally come out in the open, that he was the father of Penguin's kid... But it hadn't worked out that way. As he recalled it, he smiled, guessing sometimes the situations where it seemed there could be no positive outcome, often turned around for the better in unexpected ways:

 

**12 Years Before:**

 

The name Oswald Cobblepot had been added it the list of victims of faulty black market implants. Eighty percent of them were dead, which tied in with the low survival rate after having one of those death traps rupture... Oswald had been close to death for three weeks, needing three emergency surgeries in that time for life threatening bleeds. And Jim had worked on the case with added anger and frustration – now he knew one of the victims, this made it personal. But those black market dealers just kept on coming back. They'd bust one, and another would set up shop elsewhere...

Jim had been so happy for Oswald, and Ed and the baby when he had heard Oswald was finally out of danger. He was facing a long and hard recovery, but he was going to live. Ed took him home and took care of him and Hope, and Jim wished them well but felt all he could do to help was shut down the bastard who had fitted Oz with the black market implant.

And it was on that afternoon, eight weeks after Ed had taken Oswald and the baby home, that Jim had received a call. It was Ed, and he didn't even sound angry. He sounded relieved, emotional, and made the facts very clear:  
“Jim,” he said, “Hi, it's Ed! Listen, get ready for a shock. I've known right from the start that child isn't mine. I didn't know what had happened to Oz, I feared the worst when he hid the truth. But then he told me he only ever slept with one person after that implant was fitted... _I know you were both drunk and I know I wasn't getting along with him at the time_...” Ed paused to sniff and draw in a breath sharply. Suddenly, his voice sounded tearful, “But compared to what _could_ have happened to him, I'm _so_ glad it was you. I'm glad you took him home and looked after him and what happened between you, it's in the past. And I hold no grudge and there's nothing to forgive. Oz had the implant to start a family with me but I pushed him away. So he went out, got drunk and went home with you. _Hope is your biological daughter_.”

All Jim could do was hold the phone and listen in shocked silence. Ed continued:

“I don't know if you're aware that Oswald had stepped away from the underworld. He's cut some deals and he's keeping only his legitimate business interests, for the sake of the baby. We're getting married and I'm going to raise his daughter with him. Coming so close to losing him made me realise how precious he is and I'm going to remind him of that every day of our lives. But you have a right to see your daughter, Oswald and I agree on that very strongly. _We would like you to be a part of her life_.”

“ _Okay... I'll... I'll be in touch. Thank you, Ed, thank you for telling me...”_

Jim's voice was choked with tears as he ended the call. Then he sat there and took a look at his desk calendar and recalled the night he had taken Oswald home. _Yes, the dates added up. Why had he not realised before, Oswald had said at the time, Ed hadn't touched him for months..._

Jim's hand was shaking as he wrote his letter of resignation. Then he left the room and went into the Captain's office, placing the letter on his desk. As he returned to his own office, he was holding back his tears. In all the time he had worried for Oswald, and felt such anger at the evil bastards who had persuaded him to trust a black market device, he had not imagined for a second that child could be his...

Then the door opened.

“ _My office - now,”_ said Barnes.

 

Jim followed him in silence to his office. When they went inside, Jim took a seat. Barnes locked the door and joined him, sitting at his desk as he looked at him for a moment, saying nothing. Then he drew in a breath and spoke with the kind of compassion he usually saved for breaking bad news, he didn't yell, he didn't react with anger. Instead, he spoke with a softness that completely surprised Jim as he gave his response:

“Jim, you're incorrect about having relations with a high profile underworld figure. Cobblepot has sold off his territories and he's now a legitimate businessman. Ed Nygma's quit his activities in the Narrows, too. They're doing this for the baby. I know all this because Cobblepot called me yesterday and told me about it. Now I understand why. Not just for the baby. For you, too.”

Jim couldn't look at the Captain as he stifled a sob.

“It was one night... I didn't know about the baby until today.”

Barnes paused as Jim wiped his eyes and when he finally looked up and met his gaze, he spoke again:

“I don't need to know anything about your relationship with Penguin while he was involved in the underworld. But I do understand that clearly that little guy called Oswald meant a lot to you, and I know he must have gone through hell when that fertility unit ruptured. I'm aware that he almost died. I also know that baby is lucky to be alive. I'm guessing him and Ed want you to have access to her?”

Jim nodded and wiped his eyes again.

“Great,” Barnes said, “There's no hard feelings, Cobblepot and Nygma are making sure everything is done fairly. You're lucky. A lot of guys in your position don't get that option. Some get pushed right out. I was once involved with a woman who did that to me... pushed me right out, walked away, married another man and made it clear I'd been the lesser option. These things can happen. You're lucky you don't have to fight for access to your kid. So when word gets out,” he got up and walked over to Jim and placed a hand on his shoulder, “When people ask you if you're the guy who had a kid with Penguin, you say No. You tell them, you have a child with Oswald Cobblepot, a Gotham city businessman, who almost lost his life bringing your daughter into this world. And be proud of that little girl. Don't take any shit from anyone. And here's your resignation. I don't have any use for it.”

Barnes tore up Jim's resignation letter, placed the ripped paper in a neat pile on the desk, then he gave his shoulder a pat, “Take a couple of days off work,” he added, “Starting from now, and call Oswald and speak to him and Ed and go and see that baby of yours. Then I want you back into work, because good detectives like you don't come along every day.”

Jim blinked away tears.

“Thanks,” it was all he could say.

Barnes smiled.

“Get out of here, go and see your kid,” he said kindly...

 

**12 Years Later:**

 

Jim was still thinking about the memory as he smiled. That first time he had gone over to the Van Dahl mansion and faced Ed and looked him in the eye had been tough, but only until Ed had hugged him. Then he had gone upstairs where Oswald was cradling Hope in his arms as he fed her. Oswald looked pale and weak, Jim noticed the way Hope clutched at her bottle as she drank the milk and compared to the way weak Oswald held her in his thin arms, that child had so much more strength than him. Oswald had come close to death, and it showed. He had lost weight, he was visibly weakened. Ed stood back like a gentleman and didn't say a word as Oswald became tearful and told Jim he was sorry he had stayed quiet for so long. Jim had hugged him, then Oswald had let him hold his daughter for the first time. Tears had run down Jim's face as he smiled and looked into Hope's eyes.

“Thank you, both of you, for letting me see her,” he said.

“She's your daughter,” Oswald had said weakly, “We wouldn't have it any other way.”

And Jim had looked at Ed, who had smiled.

“Oz is right. She needs to know you, Jim,” he agreed...

As Jim sat there in his office twelve years on, that memory still had the power to bring tears to his eyes. Then he smiled, remembering everything had turned out okay. And this Friday, Hope was staying with him all weekend. He cherished the time he spent with his daughter. Then he wiped his eyes and got on with his work, now and then stopping to linger back in the past, where fond memories would always reside.

 

For Ed, Friday came around too fast. Hope went off to school after an extra big hug from Oswald, who was yet to tell her about the implant procedure, and as Ed drove away from the house, he wondered if Oz had had hugged her more tightly because he was worried... For Ed, the worry hadn't stopped. Last night had brought nightmares about Hope's birth and the days after, only this time, it was about the next baby's birth, and Lee wasn't telling him Oswald was in a critical condition, she was breaking the news that he hadn't made it, that he had died because the implant had ruptured and then she had said, _“You were right to worry, Ed. No one could see this coming but you.”_

At that point Ed had sat up, drenched in sweat as his heart raced, and Oswald had turned over, murmured something in his sleep and then carried on sleeping, oblivious to his fears.

Ed had been sure to dose up on his meds before they had gone to the hospital. After an anxious twenty minute wait, he had been told Oswald was just fine and resting for a short while, then he could go home. Lee had spoken with them both as Oswald recovered from the minor procedure, and she had been smiling and saying how exciting it would be for both of them to have another baby. Oswald agreed with her, and yet again, Ed felt like the only sane person in the room as it took all of his strength not to yell and demand to know why everyone thought it was just fine to put Oswald's life at risk all over again.

“And you have nothing to worry about,” Lee had added as she stood at Oswald's bedside, “You will need to rest for the next forty eight hours, just until the discomfort has gone. And no love making for the next two days either – no penetration, give the scar time to properly heal.”

“Nothing hurts yet,” Oswald told her as he smiled, “I feel fine!”

“When the anaesthesia wears off, you will need to take pills every four hours,” she reminded him, “Just to keep the discomfort under control. After what happened with your first birth it's important you have a comfortable time with this one every step of the way.”

Then Ed spoke up.

“As you know, I have medical knowledge.”

Lee blinked, tilting her head slightly as her dark hair framed her face.

“Yes, what about it, Ed?”

He took a deep breath.

“I...I just want you to know I'm perfectly capable of spotting an emergency, like for example, if he starts to bleed. I know how to do an internal exam, I can check him -”

“A bleed?” Lee said in disgust, “How dare you accuse me of incompetence! Are you comparing me to black market butchers from way back? I'm qualified to fit these implants, they are _not_ supposed to cause bleeding!”

Ed's face flushed. Oswald gave him a look of surprise.

“What are you talking about, Ed?” he demanded, “Lee's a professional, she wouldn't do something like that! I have absolute faith in her.”

“So do I,” Ed replied quickly, looking to Lee apologetically, “I'm sorry, I just get these moments, I think back to how it was the first time around. Oz mentioned with the illegal implant he had bleeding.”

“Well it doesn't happen to _my_ patients!” Lee sounded offended.

“Sorry,” Ed said again.

An hour later Oswald still felt a little unsteady, and Ed helped him to the car and drove him home. On the way back, Oswald fell asleep and Ed had to wake him when they got home. Then he took him inside and up to bed, where he slept again and Ed sat beside him, worried sick as his fears crowded in so close there was barely room to breathe.

 

Later that evening Ed's phone rang. It was Jim, and in the background, it sounded noisy.

“How's Oz?” he asked.

Ed was sitting on the bed, on top of the covers. He glanced down at Oswald, who was on his side and sleeping peacefully, his hair was messed up and looked dark and soft against the white pillow, and there was a flicker of a smile about his face. Ed reached down and swept a hand over his hair, hoping that he was somewhere in there too, in what ever Oz was dreaming about.

“He's fine, the procedure went okay,” he said quietly, taking care not to wake him, “He's sleeping now, he'll probably wake soon and start feeling sore, but I've got his pain meds ready.”

“I'm glad he's okay,” Jim replied, then there was squealing and laughter from another room that was quietened as a door closed in the background.

“Sounds like a lot of noise for just Hope!” Ed exclaimed.

Jim laughed.

“I went to pick her up from school and she had four friends waiting with her. Apparently she'd told them they could have a sleep over, but that was a few weeks back and she forgot she'd told them it was this weekend. That is why I have five kids tonight instead of one, I can't reach my TV, the front room is scattered with make up and hair products and nail polish and smells like a beauty parlour and her friends are camped out in sleeping bags all over my floor.”

As he smiled on hearing that, Ed was sure if Riddler wasn't so subdued right now he would have laughed and said, _Oops, did we forget to mention she's also holding a big sleepover tonight? Ah well, that's parenting for you, Jim... expect the unexpected!_

“I completely forgot about that,” Ed said with a chuckle, “It's fun being a parent, isn't it!”

“Yeah, it certainly is...”

From the next room he heard the sound of something breaking.

“Just a minute...”

Ed listened, amusement dancing in his eyes.

“No kids...” said Jim, “I told you, _don't_ touch the china... No, leave it - it's okay, _I'll_ clean that up. Hope, keep your friends _away_ from the china, please?”

“Okay, sorry Father!” she replied.

“I've got to go, Ed - tell Oswald I hope he's feeling better soon.”

“I will, Jim. Have fun tonight!”

“Bye, Ed.”

The call ended. Ed put the phone down, then he laid down next to Oswald, watching him sleep. Now his worries were back. He didn't want to think about how this was the start of the same nightmare happening all over again, all he wanted to do was be there for him, and let him know he was loved. It seemed there was little else he could do, knowing what had happened before...

“I do love you, Oz...” Ed whispered.

Oswald shifted closer to him, resting his head on his shoulder, and slept on, oblivious to the worries that were slowly but surely worsening. Ed felt like he was being pushed to the edge of a steep drop, and if he went over that edge, it would be so far down there could be no coming back from it...

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

The weekend went by quietly. To Ed's relief, Oswald did not wake up in agony, and the slight discomfort he felt was easily alleviated by taking the pain meds. Ed had offered three times over the course of the weekend to check him for bleeding, and each time Oswald became increasingly irritated, reminding him this was not a black market implant, and he was _just fine, thank you!_

When the weekend ended, Jim called to say he was taking Hope to school that morning. He added that he would be working all day and couldn't pick her up, and Ed told him he would do it, and then they talked about the weekend. Apparently Friday night had been hell on earth with noise and breakages and mess, but once her friends had gone home the next day, it had been much better. Eventually, after cleaning up the apartment, they had settled down to some father-daughter time, they had gone shopping, then later gone to the movies, and Sunday had been spent at home, with Jim catching up on all Hope had to tell him about her school life and her friends.

Then Ed had passed the phone to Oswald, who had spoken fondly to Jim, saying he was glad Hope had enjoyed the weekend. Then Ed had felt a spike of anxiety as Oswald had warmly thanked Jim for his concern, and added that the pain had already gone, all that was left now was a vague ache that was fading out quickly. When the call had ended, Ed had taken his phone sharply back from Oswald, who shot him a look that reminded him he still liked to be treated like a king, at least in his own home.

“Why did you snatch the phone back, Ed?”

Ed said nothing for a moment, looking at Oswald in stony silence as he took in the sight of him, relaxing on their bed in another of his silken robes – this time, a red one. Did he really not know how good he looked like this? Oswald was reclining on that bed regally, resting against those pillows like he still owned Gotham, his hair was messed up and part falling over his pretty eyes and... _I'm jealous?_ The thought had come to Ed quite unexpectedly. _Oh no, was this worry over the baby making him so insecure he was worrying about Oz and Jim? That had been over for years..._

Oswald was still fixing him with a hard stare, demanding an answer.

“I...was wondering _how_ he asked you about the pain,” Ed replied, feeling awkward.

Oswald blinked.

“What?”

“How did he say it?”

“He said, how is the post operative pain!”

“Oh, I see!” Ed laughed as he shook his head.

Oswald's eyes narrowed. He had just worked out what Ed had suggested...

“You thought he was asking me _intimately?_ ” he sat up on the bed, and slight discomfort registered on his face, “Sorry to disappoint you Ed, but he didn't ask about the _location_ of the implant, he wouldn't be _that_ intimate in his conversation!”

“I'm sorry,” Ed sat down on the edge of the bed looking at him with deep apology in his eyes, “I'm just emotional...I can't help it, I keep thinking...”

Oswald felt an ache in his heart as he realised at once Ed was becoming upset. He reached for him, placing a hand on his thigh and stroking softly against the fabric of his dark green suit.

“I guess this is a rather emotional time for both of us,” then he smiled as enthusiasm shone in his gaze, “Just think, Ed – we can start trying for a baby today!”

Ed caught his breath, and as Oswald saw a flicker of nervousness on his face, he pulled him closer and kissed him.

“We could try right now, if you wanted to!”

“ _No!”_

Ed got up from the bed, took a step back and then he saw confusion in Oswald's gaze and knew he had to say something, anything before he felt hurt, or angered, or - worse of all - rejected.

“I...I just mean, we could do that tonight. We need to make this special. We should make every night special, Oz. It could take a while, think of the romantic evenings we could share.”

His words warmed his heart as Oswald's eyes shone with joy. _Ed and candles and moonlight and roses... it all seemed to fit so perfectly together. It always had..._

“I shall leave the preparation to you,” he told him.

Ed forced a smile.

“I can't wait,” he said, but as he looked at his Oz, and took in the sight of his damaged leg and those slender hips... _how could he get through something as brutal as childbirth?_ Ed wanted to cry. Instead he made a decision:

 _He would skip his meds. Just for tonight, he would let Riddler come out of the shadows._ Not enough to take over, just enough to get him through this first, difficult lovemaking session. Usually, he couldn't get enough of Oswald, he lived to love him in all ways, at every opportunity he could take. But knowing he would be responsible for making him pregnant again, for putting his life at risk? It was too much to handle alone. He needed Riddler's help...

 

Over dinner that evening, Oswald exchanged a glance with Ed, who looked at him across the table and smiled back, even though inside, his heart was breaking. Oz looked so pretty tonight, his eyes were shining with warmth and he looked immaculate in his dark suit. Ed had paid attention to every detail, taking in the way his spikes were swept up, how the soft light flattered his face when he smiled and he silently concluded he would never, ever forget how handsome his Oz looked tonight. _Even if tonight was the night they conceived that child Oswald longed for, and that baby that could be the death of him..._ Oswald glanced away and looked to Hope, who had just finished her meal.

“We have some exciting news!” he said brightly.

“What is it, Daddy?” she asked.

Oswald drew in a deep breath, barely controlling his emotion as he thought what wonderful news this would be. He couldn't wait to see Hope's reaction...

“I went to see Dr Thompkins on Friday,” he told her, “And I had a fertility implant fitted. Edward and I are going to have a baby.”

Hope looked as surprised as she felt... _Her Daddy was going to have another baby, after all these years?_  
“Really?”

“ _Yes!”_

“That's wonderful!” she exclaimed, and she got up from her seat, ran up to Oswald and hugged him tightly.

As they talked about how exciting it would be to have a brother or sister for Hope, Ed looked down at his plate, his appetite gone, as he pushed his food aside and drank down a glass of wine. They were still talking. Hope was thrilled. _Another one too crazy to see the risk involved,_ Ed thought silently.

As Hope stood there next to him, she put a hand on his shoulder.

“Does it hurt when you sit down, do you need a cushion?”

Oswald laughed.

“I realise you now all about implants and you've learned about the process at school but no, my dear. I'm healed now. It only takes a couple of days.”

“What about your lower back?” his daughter asked.

Oswald smiled as love reflected in his eyes.

“I am absolutely fine,” he promised her, “You don't have to worry about anything. But I will be having an early night tonight.”

Hope giggled.

“I think you may need a few of those, Daddy! It's hard work making babies!”

He laughed. Ed looked down at the table, staying silent. That feeling swept over him again, he wanted to cry.

“Have you done your homework?” Oswald asked.

“Yes, I have,” Hope replied.

“Okay, you can go to your room and get on your phone or your laptop and talk to your friends – but don't stay up late, school in the morning!”

“I'll go to bed on time,” she promised, then she gave him another hug.

“I've always wanted a brother or a sister!”

“And you shall have one,” Oswald promised her.

Hope gave Ed a hug before she left the room. He couldn't speak as he forced a smile and she said goodnight, then as she left the room, he looked across the table at Oswald, whose gaze radiated love.

“We'll give Hope a few hours to settle down for the night, then you can go upstairs and get those candles lit,” he said.

“Yes, I'll do that later,” Ed poured himself another drink, “Shall we go and watch some TV? There might be a good movie on... maybe a few good movies.”

“And stay up all night? I'm not in the mood for TV,” Oswald said as he got up from his seat, then he grabbed his cane and smiled warmly.

“Let's sit in the front room and have a few more drinks.”

Ed got up too and said nothing more as they left the room together. At the back of his mind, Riddler was telling him to step aside because he was too weak to handle this. Ed was resisting that request, at least for now...

 

A few hours later Ed had gone upstairs, glanced up the other end of the hall and seen Hope's door was closed and her light was off. It was almost eleven, she would be asleep by now. He quietly made his way to the master bedroom, went inside and lit the candles he had placed about the room. Then he took a red rose from a vase close to the bed and tugged at the petals and scattered them over the sheets.

Then Ed stood there for a moment, blinking back tears as he thought about what he had to do.

“I'm killing him!” he said tearfully.

 _You're only making a baby! If you cant handle it, move over and let me do the job,_ demanded Riddler.

“No!” Ed said in defiance, suddenly thinking of Oswald, needing love and tenderness – not Riddler's rough hands and lewd remarks, which he didn't need on a night when his expectations were so high... but if he couldn't go through with this, he would have to let him out to play... Ed took in a shaky breath, went into the bathroom and took his meds, silencing his only means of inner support at this tough time. He looked into the mirror and met his own nervous gaze.

“You love him. Show him you love him. Maybe it won't happen tonight, it could take a long while. _Just...make him happy!_ ”

 

A short while later, Ed returned to the front room, stood in the doorway and held out his hand. Oswald got up, leaning hard on his cane. His leg was hurting tonight. It only reminded Ed even more of his weaknesses, and his heart felt pained as he took his hand and they went up the stairway together.

Once they reached the bedroom, Ed led him inside and quietly locked the door behind them, then as Oswald admired the soft candle glow and the rose petals, emotion filled his gaze as he looked up at Ed.

“This is so beautiful!”

Ed was ready now. He was going to see this through, because he had to, because Oswald demanded this, he needed this...

“So are you,” Ed whispered, and he stepped closer, reaching for him, taking him in his arms and kissing him tenderly.

Oswald was trembling in his arms, swept away by emotion and as he held him, Ed thought how fragile he seemed at that moment. He would be gentle, he would show him all the love he deserved. This night would be special, and he would not think about his fears, he would do nothing to spoil this...

“I love you, Oz,” he whispered as he briefly let go of him, shedding his jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Then he kissed him as he pushed his own jacket off his shoulders. Their kiss was deeper as he slid Oswald's tie free and then began to open the buttons on his shirt. Oswald's hands were more clumsy, impatient as he tugged at Ed's clothing, and by the time both men were half undressed, Ed had gently pushed Oswald down on to the bed, taking care of the rest of his suit quickly, unbuckling his belt and sliding off his pants and underwear together, in a quick, fluid motion. Oswald lay there naked, looking up at Ed, his gaze burning hot over his exposed chest as he took off the rest of his clothing quickly and cast it aside.

Ed was already hard, Oswald had been solidly erect since their first kiss on locking the door, Ed had felt it as he had pressed up against him. Oz was impatient, burning for more, he could see it in his eyes and hear the need in his voice as he whispered, _Take me, Ed..._

As Ed knelt between his eagerly parted legs, he looked intently at Oswald, his heart was pounding as he felt all his hopes and dreams and his fears clashing together. But Oswald reached up, running his fingers through his hair as he pulled him close and they kissed again,deeply, with need and hunger that saw them both breathless as they came up for air.

“Are you sure you're ready?” Ed whispered.

Oswald was perspiring, his breath was fast yet soft as he lay there, naked and exposed, as he nodded, all words failing him as he parted his legs wider. Ed placed a hand on his balls and gently rubbed, then let go as Oswald gave a low moan. He was so close to the edge already, to touch him there again would be unfair, not when he was likely to lose control fast. Ed slid his hand lower, his gaze stayed locked with his husband as he pressed gently against his ass, then as he felt warm and eager wetness welcoming him, he gave a gasp.

“Wow! You're _so_ wet!”

Oswald's pale skin was shining with perspiration that looked soft by the lamp light as he gave his answer.

“The implant reacts to arousal... makes conception easier. We don't need lube, Ed.”

Despite his anxiousness, the feel of him so wet, so warm and slick inside confirming how desperately he needed him, was a huge turn on. Ed's cock was aching painfully, but he held back, pushing two fingers into him as Oswald gave a soft cry and he thrust against him, making little noises that made Ed's head swim as he worked his fingers in and out in a careful rhythm. _Oz was soaked, he was wet for him? He knew it was the work of the implant but it was still Oz, getting aroused, and his body responding in a way it had never been able to respond before..._

Ed slid down gently on top of him as he carefully placed a hand under the knee of his damaged leg, giving support to ensure no discomfort as his other arm slid around his shoulders, pulling him close, and as their lips were almost touching, Ed pushed into him, feeling welcomed by tight, slick walls as Oswald gave a soft cry and the look on his face made Ed want to lose control. Oswald shifted his leg and Ed slid his hand from under it, placing his hand on his thigh as he raised his leg higher, Oswald moved beneath him, desperate to feel him closer, deeper inside him with every thrust. He was gasping softly, giving little helpless moans as Ed buried deeply inside him, moving harder, short, gentle thrusts were now long, heavy strokes that were faster and urgent and Oswald's body was shuddering with every thrust.

“ _Oh... Ed!”_ he gasped, _“I love you, I love you... I want your baby so much...”_

“ _You'll get it soon enough!”_ Ed panted, and he slowed his thrusts, sliding his hand down to Oswald's cock and as he whined for released, Ed could barely hold back as he closed his hand around it, pumping it firmly in rhythm with his own thrusting.

“ _Ed!”_ Oswald gave a weak cry somewhere between pain and ecstasy, and Ed slammed into him hard, moving in and out as now the thought of destroying his beautiful, fragile body with such rough movements was almost enough to tip him over the edge. His hand moved hard and firmly as he pumped his hardness, Oswald's back arched as Ed slammed against him roughly, and then Oswald reached up, clinging to him like he was a rock in a stormy seas and his only hope of not being swept away.

“ _Ed, Ed...”_ he panted, and then with a final firm stroke, Oswald lost control, coming hard, pumping hot streams of white over his hand, then over his own body and Ed picked up his pace, moving harder, catching every throb as his own orgasm hit. He buried deep inside him, as his climax filled him up, and then he stayed there, still inside him as he laid down on top of his slender, delicate Oz, taking him in his arms and smothering his mouth with a kiss, denying him that gasp of air he needed to recover his breath.

“ _I love you!”_ Ed panted as he came up for air. He looked down at Oswald, his face was flushed, his hair was damp with sweat, and his lips were parted and he breathed hard and love shone in his gaze.

“Oh, that was wonderful!”

“You're wonderful,” Ed said softly, then he separated from him, rolled on to his side and reached for him again, pulling him close. He was still weak from orgasm, and holding him tightly as he recovered felt like wrapping him in protective warmth, his arms were the armour that shielded Oz from all that could harm him... Except for one thing... As Oswald lay there in his arms, Ed could only make a silent, desperate wish: _Please don't be pregnant, Oz..._

 

The morning came with rain and heavy leaden skies that looked as if the sun would never break through again. This was nothing new above the city of Gotham, but as Ed woke early to the sound of it, then the sight of it as it ran down the window, he turned over towards Oswald, who was on his side and breathing softly against the pillow. His hair was a mess of tangled spikes, his eyes were closed and his dark lashes only served to emphasise his delicate bone structure and the prettiness of his face. His beautiful Oz...He looked too fragile, too delicate to go through the trauma of birth all over again. He could not survive a birth like the last one, he knew that for sure. _Why could no one else see that too?_ Ed gave a heavy sigh, then turned on his back, thoughts shifting back twelve years to that first, terrible pregnancy, its aftermath had been scored deeply into his mind ever since, and would _never_ lose its power to cause him fear. He recalled that night at the hospital, when he had asked to see the baby. Riddler had said, they had to insist the baby was theirs, because it was Oswald's child and if he died, they had to protect his only flesh and blood...

 

**12 Years Before:**

 

Ed had been handed that tiny girl wrapped in a white blanket and as he looked at her, all his fears about what to expect on meeting this monster that had caused such injury to his Oswald melted away: She was just a baby, a tiny baby with a bruise on her cheek, the only outward sign that she had faced such a fight to come into this world. And she had dark hair and Oswald's pale skin, his delicate features, her closed eyes were framed by long dark lashes. He placed his fingertips gently on her cheek and swore he could instantly feel it: She was Oswald's flesh and blood, his precious child. It didn't matter who her real father was, he knew she was a part of Oz, and that was all that mattered as he gave a quiet sob and blinked away tears.

“Oh sweetie,” he said softly, “Don't worry about Daddy, we'll look after him, he'll get better – he has to live, he has to see you, he needs to hold you, honey...”

Then he had turned to Lee, and as he cradled the baby in his arms, he managed to smile through his tears.

“I'd like to take her to see her Daddy now. You're right, we're a family. We need to be together...”

And he had sat cradling the baby for several hours, sitting at Oswald's bedside as he told him what a beautiful little girl he had, and how brave he had been to carry her and protect her and risk his life to bring her into this world. Then the machines around the bed had started making alarming noises as the monitors dipped and spiked. Ten minutes later Oswald was back in surgery, having a second bleed treated.

Four hours later, he was out of danger and Ed had kissed him and the baby goodbye and gone home for some much needed rest. He had slept the whole day, and then been woken by the phone. It was the hospital. Oswald had suffered another bleed. Lee told him to come right away, because she needed to talk to him urgently...

 

Ed had been sure that was the deciding moment that had seared those dark days into his mind forever, memories that would never fade, old scars that would never heal. He would not be the same Edward Nygma he had been before this nightmare had started, he knew it as he walked up the corridor and met Lee, who was outside Oswald's room. What she said next would haunt him forever. Until now he had been through a lot, seen and done a lot, bad things that no man should ever do. He had committed crimes, murder... life as Riddler had been crazy. But _nothing_ could have prepared him for this.

“Ed,” Lee said, “This isn't easy to say, and I know it will be hard to accept. But Oswald is very weak and he's been through as much as his body can withstand. He can't cope with any more surgery or blood loss. He's out of surgery now, but he's still critical. You may have to make some difficult decisions for him, if he can't recover, we need to decide what's best for Oswald.”

Ed felt as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the corridor as he stared at Lee.

“No... no, you can't let him die!”

“We are doing our very best to save him,” Lee reminded him, “But he is very weak and injuries from implant rupture are often fatal. Right now, he is in a very, very deep sleep. He's completely exhausted from fighting to stay alive. He can't endure any more surgery and if he gets another bleed it may be fatal. If his heart stops, resuscitating him might not be the best thing to do if it's going to cause him further suffering. He's either going to pull through this now, or he will die. He can't go on much longer if he has another crisis.”

Ed put his hand to his mouth as he stifled a sob, looking to Lee with glazed eyes as he shook his head.

“No,” he said tearfully, wiping his eyes to clear his vision as his heart raced and he felt like the floor was about to collapse beneath him, “No, you can't give up on him!”

“No one is giving up on him,” Lee promised, “I'm just advising you to be prepared for the worst. A large percentage of victims of these kind of black market devices do not survive -”

“ _Oswald is not a victim!”_

Lee used every ounce of her training and experience to hold back her own emotions. She had a job to do and feelings could not come into it, not when she had to be professional, for the sake of her patient. The fact that she knew them both didn't come into this. It was the only way she could do her best for both of them at this time.

“I'm aware he's been though a lot in the past and survived more than most could handle. I know he's tougher than he looks but Ed, this is as serious as it gets. There is a chance that he could improve, if we can get the bleeding under control, if the medication starts to work, he stands a chance. But if it doesn't, if he has another emergency, he won't recover.”

Ed said nothing as he stood there, trying to breathe but finding little air reaching his lungs as he felt completely powerless to save the one he loved. It was terrifying, like this huge shadow of death was towering over his Oz and he had no means to fight it off. He felt afraid, and horribly useless. For all they had been through in the past, there was nothing he could do to save him now...

“I'm going to sit with him,” Ed said quietly, “And I'm not leaving his side...”

 

Oswald had not suffered another bleed. For the next three weeks nothing changed. Three weeks in hell was how Ed saw it as he waited anxiously for something to change, hoping Oswald would improve.

By now word had got out that the king of the underworld was quite possibly dying, and now Oswald's room was full of flowers, sent by other gang leaders who wanted to show respect to the man who had most likely sacrificed his life to bring his child into the world.

The baby was thriving, Ed had learned how to feed, bathe and change her, but he had kept her at the hospital because that was where he spent most of his time, at Oswald's bedside. He was determined they would go home as family – Oswald dying was not something he wanted to think about too deeply. He just got through each day, his routine was seeing Hope, taking her in to her Daddy, then sitting with him and talking to him, hoping he could hear him, and give him a reason to hold on and get stronger.

When he wasn't taking care of Hope, he was doing all he could to help take care of Oswald, bathing him, combing his hair, taking to him softly about anything he could think of, just to try and reach him. During this time, Oswald had several visitors who wanted to see him, knowing it could possibly be for the last time. One of them was Barbara Keane. She had brought flowers, then leaned over Oswald and kissed his cheek, and said something softly into his ear, something Ed did not catch. She had looked tense, and her eyes reflected sadness. Oswald had not woken or showed any sign of reacting to any of his visitors, he had just laid there, sleeping deeply.

And then, something had happened while Ed was at home, something he would always think of as a miracle:

There had been a phone call from the hospital. Ed had taken the call as he started to shake, already his heart was about to break as in that split second, he expected the worst news.

But instead, Lee had said, _“Oswald is showing signs of recovery at last. He's still very weak, but the injuries are healing. And he's started to wake up. He's improving, Ed. There's hope.”_

And when Ed had hurried over to the hospital, he had gone into Oswald's room with his daughter in his arms, and looked down at her and smiled, and said, “I think we should call you Hope...”

And then he had heard something he had been praying for: Oswald's voice. He was weak and could barely speak, and he sounded tearful.

“ _Sorry...”_ he said, _“I'm so sorry, Ed...”_

And Ed turned around with Hope in his arms as tears of joy stung his eyes: Oswald was awake. He couldn't stop smiling as he carried Hope over to his bedside, then leaned over Oswald and gently kissed his tear-stained cheek.

“ _It's okay,”_ he said, _“I love you both. We're a family now...”_

But even after that joyful moment, it had been difficult. Oswald had been too weak to even hold his baby without help, he could barely move after all he had been through.

Then a few days later, Ed had arrived to visit, and Oswald had been sitting up in bed supported by pillows, Hope was in his arms and he was feeding her. Lee was beside him, steadying the arm that cradled her while her other hand closed over Oswald's, keeping the bottle steady as Hope drank from it.

“You're so good at this, Oswald!” Lee told him, as she supported him with encouraging words, “See the way she's looking at you? She knows you're her Daddy. You're going to be such a good parent.”

And Oswald had looked up at Ed and smiled proudly.

“I can feed her now, Ed!” he said as joy shone in his gaze.

Ed smiled back at him, fighting the urge to weep. Oswald was so weak, everything was a struggle. But to see him feeding his baby had been a real turning point. Now he knew he would make it, they were going home as a family...

 

**12 Years Later:**

 

Ed had been so lost in thoughts of the past he didn't realise until his vision blurred that he had been silently weeping. He wiped his eyes, then as the alarm went off and Oswald made a groan of complaint, he leaned over him and gave him a soft kiss on his parted lips.

“Morning sweetheart,” he said, “Don't get up, I'll bring you coffee, then I'll take Hope to school. You stay here and get your beauty sleep.”

Oswald smiled as he snuggled up in the soft warmth of their bed.

“Thanks, Ed...” he murmured, and went back to sleep.

A short while later, while Oswald slept in late, Ed drove Hope to school. She was very silent that morning, and he wondered why.

“Is everything okay?” he asked. The first thought that had come to mind was, _It's finally hit her. She knows how dangerous this is. She knows Oswald could die. She's finally thinking like me, thank god someone else has come to their senses, I thought I was alone with this!_

But what she said next dashed away that possibility.

“She's still doing it. Nessa is staring at me all the time, Uncle Ed. I need to punish her.”

He caught a glare as cold as the arctic in her eyes in that moment.

“Don't you do _anything_ to cause worry to your Daddy!” he told her firmly, “He's just had the implant, we're trying for a baby, he mustn't have any stress!”

“Then I'd better not get caught,” she replied, and in that moment, she had sounded just like Oswald back in the old days...

They had reached the school. Ed stopped the car. He turned to Hope.

“Leave Nessa Galavan alone, you could cause a lot of trouble if you start getting into fights!”

“Why are you so worried about her, Ed?”

He hesitated, thinking back many years and recalling so much he could not relate to his daughter. _Oh shit, if she ever found out Tabby had killed her grandmother... there would be a war, those two girls would at the very least do each other serious injury..._

“I just remember how tough her mother used to be. We don't want to deliberately make trouble with anyone, Hope! You're here to learn, not to pick fights! And while we're on the subject, never mention Tabby or her kid to your Daddy – _never_. Do you understand me?”

Hope's eyes widened as she stared at Ed, wondering why he was so angry, then she nodded.

“Okay, calm down! I don't want Daddy to get stressed. But if Nessa starts anything, I'll make sure I finish it, I'll knock her out!”

Ed gave a heavy sigh as she got out of the car and headed off to meet her waiting friends. He couldn't tell her not to fight back. Oswald had often told her ever since she first started school, if anyone bullies you, make sure they pay. Make sure _you_ finish it...

Ed made a move to pull out of his parking space and turn the car around. There was a screech of tires and as he saw another car rushing at him, he slammed on the brakes too. Then the two drivers looked at each other, their vehicles a fraction apart, Ed's eyes widened in surprise as he stared at Tabby, who was gripping the wheel and glaring back at him from her car.

“Move!” she said.

“You move!” he snapped.

For a moment neither vehicle moved. Then a line of cars building up behind Ed's began to sound their horns, and Ed slid down his window and leaned out just as she let down hers and looked out at him.

“Hi Tabby!” he said as malice gleamed in his eyes and sarcasm crept into his voice, “We'd better not meet again like this, or people will talk!” he flashed her an icy smile.

“ _Get out of my way, psycho!”_ Tabby snapped as her eyes blazed, and then he moved the car, she reversed sharply with a squeal of tires on road surface, turned the car and drove off at speed.

Ed took a deep breath and moved off, freeing up the tailback behind him. That had been unexpected, Tabby yelling in his face. That hadn't happened for many years... _Better not mention this to Oswald,_ he heard Riddler say inside his head.

“Yes, I definitely won't be telling Oswald about this!” Ed confirmed aloud, then he took the turning for the highway, picking up speed as he headed for home, keen to put a distance between him and _that_ face from the past that stirred up all kinds of memories... He suddenly felt very protective towards Oswald, who didn't know Tabby's kid went to the same school as Hope. This would upset him, he was sure of it. He _never_ wanted Oswald to be upset...

Now those thoughts were starting up again, thoughts and fears about the pregnancy killing Oswald, as he worried that maybe Oswald didn't have long left... not once that _thing_ was conceived and started to grow inside him. They would have nine more precious months together and then... the unthinkable would happen...

His mind had started to race:

_No, he had to stop hating this yet to be conceived child. He had to love that baby, even if Oswald didn't make it, kids changed everything, they came first in all things, even if he lost Oswald, he would cherish his children, because Oswald loved his kids more than anything in this world, he had given up an empire for the love of his daughter. He would have to deal with this, even if he ended up raising Hope and the baby alone. He would do what ever Oswald would have wanted, he would respect his wishes and keep his memory alive forever... He felt like his heart was breaking again._

Riddler was laughing at him, mocking his fears. But it didn't help to change his perspective. Every detail of those dark days when he had thought he could lose Oswald at any time had come rushing back at him, replaying in his mind. _Why wouldn't the past go away and leave him alone? Why did it play in loop inside his head and never stop? It didn't bother Riddler, not like it bothered him..._

By the time Ed got home, he was a shaking, nervous wreck, and he sat in his car for a while, trying to calm down as his fears continued to torment him:

_He couldn't let Oswald see him like this, he couldn't let him know. He couldn't tell anyone about his fears...He was the only one who could see the truth and understand the danger his Oz was really facing. No one else would understand. He couldn't share these thoughts, because he was Ed Nygma. They'd lock him away in Arkham and say he was crazy again..._

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

The days passed by. Thankfully there seemed to be no concerns with the immediate situation with Nessa and Hope – while Hope made it clear she detested the girl, at least they hadn't come to blows – yet. On the day Oswald had an interview with a local radio station about his book, Ed stayed home, listening to the radio as he sat in the study at his husband's desk, with a smile on his face as he heard Oswald talk about how he had never expected the changes he had made to the law regarding fertility implants to have such a positive effect on the city. Then he was asked about his time as mayor, and suddenly the interviewer asked, _What's the truth about your past links to the underworld?_ Oswald had laughed it off.

“I have known all kinds of people during the course of my many business dealings in this city,” he replied, “I have always been a businessman, and briefly a politician. I can't confirm or deny any kind of association others may have had at the time.”

Ed felt a glow of pride as he heard his response.

“Well done, Oz, spoken like a true politician... you've still got it, honey...” he murmured.

Then he was asked about his future plans.

“Edward and I are planning to have another baby,” he said, “It's going to be so much better this time – a safe and joyful experience. Which I think everyone should be entitled to. No one should ever have to fear dying in childbirth because of illegal fertility units. I'll never forget what I went through, and I'm glad no one in this city will have to experience what I suffered.”

“Thanks to you, no one ever will again,” the interviewer replied, then she thanked him warmly for his time as the show came to a close.

Ed switched off the radio and sat there in silence. What Oswald had said had taken him back again, but this time to a fond memory. He had always said his proudest moment had been the day he had become king of Gotham – no, Ed was sure his finest hour had been the day he had spoken in front of city officials, after using his influence to call in the press to witness it.

His Oz had spoken about everything he had gone through, his shy, awkward Oswald had been truly brave that day, laying everything bare without hesitation as he had spelled out exactly how it had felt to almost lose his life because of the black market implant, he had told them everything, from how he had not been able to care for his own child in her first weeks of life, to how he had lost out on time with her because of the devastating effect the rupture had caused to his body. By the time he had finished speaking, everyone in the room had applauded him, as he sat there in a wheelchair and Ed stood beside him with Hope in his arms.

They had listened. They had made those implants affordable, and in doing so, had put the black market traders out of business forever. His clever Oswald had come up with that idea, and Ed had never been so proud of him as he was on that day...

 

**12 Years Before:**

 

It had been six months after Hope's birth. By now Oswald was making a good recovery, but he was still too weak to walk, his damaged leg only complicated matters and he was still in a wheelchair. He had tried and failed to stand and keep his balance when Ed had urged him to try as he stood there, steadying him, then as he sank back into the chair his eyes had blazed with rage.

“ _I should pull up all my old contacts. I should have every black market butcher in this town burned alive... Firefly would do it for me!”_

“And then what?” Ed had replied, “You go to jail and Hope loses her Daddy? You can't do it, Oz. We made a decision and we have to stand by it. No more crime, no more killings...”

Later that night, Ed had been sleeping soundly when his sleep was sharply broken by Oswald snapping on the light.

“Ed, wake up!” he had said urgently.

He had opened his tired eyes to see Oswald leaning over him. There was a look in his eyes that had long been absent, he had determination burning in his gaze.

“What is it, Oz?” Ed had asked.

Oswald had leaned closer, placing a hand on his arm as he looked at him intently.

“ _I know how to do it,”_ he had said, _“I know how to stop the black market traders. I won't kill them. I'll kill their business! If I can make genuine implants affordable for everyone, the black market dies!”_

Ed had stared at him as his words sunk in, then he had felt in awe of his clever Oz, who had used his brilliant mind to come up with a plan that would work – and didn't run the risk of either of them going back to jail.

“And I'll support you with it all the way,” Ed had vowed, “You're a genius, Oz!” then he had taken him into his arms and kissed him, holding him tightly as he realised Oswald was certainly making a good recovery now. His mind for business had come back, and he was using it to fight back in the cleverest of ways...

Three months later, when he had made his speech, as Ed listened to what he had to say, he had struggled to hold back his tears as he held Hope and stood beside him. They had married six weeks before, and Oswald was still in a wheelchair. By now he could stand and manage a few steps, but his recovery was painfully slow, and he had been honest about that as he said his piece to city officials:

“ _I will tell you exactly what it is like to suffer the effects of an illegal implant rupture...”_ Oswald had paused, blinked away tears and then continued, _“I was led to believe that my implant was safe. They do that, they lie to take money from people! And the city sits back and lets it happen. These traders don't care about the human cost. They don't care about the lives that are lost or the lives that are destroyed. My husband was told on more than one occasion that he would lose me after the implant ruptured. He went through hell for three weeks – the first three weeks of my daughter's life that I can never get back. I didn't hold her as a newborn, I didn't feed her for the first time or look into her eyes and form her first bond... Ed had to do that for me while he wondered if he would be bringing up Hope on his own...”_

He had paused again, the room had fallen silent. Ed cradled Hope in his arms and blinked away tears. He knew this was hard for Oz, to talk about something so deeply personal in front of a crowd. But the pause was brief, and then he continued:

“ _When we took our daughter home, Ed had to care for her and for me. I was as helpless as my baby because of what that rupture did to me. I still can't walk. I'll be back on my feet around the time my daughter takes her first steps. She's going to be a year old before I can start to be properly active again. And I'm one of the lucky ones. Most men – and some women who use a modified version of the implant as a womb substitute – don't survive a black market copy rupturing. Most of the time, people carrying these devices die and so do the unborn children. And the people selling these death traps just move on to the next person, they take their money and they destroy lives. The only way to stop this from happening is to kill their trade. Make genuine implants available at a price that everyone can afford. Don't put a price on_ _life....”_ Oswald blinked away tears, _“I'm asking you to make these changes to put a stop to the shockingly high mortality rates associated with these fake units. I have already provided the press with a copy of the GCPD's list of known deaths caused by these traders. And it's long, it's too many. One is too many, let alone hundreds every year! You must put a stop to this. Because I won't stop until changes are made. I am not a victim in this, I am a survivor and I'm fighting back! What happened to me should never happen to anyone else, ever again.”_

Finally, Oswald fell silent. The room was silent. And suddenly, Ed could hear nothing but thunderous applause from everyone in the building. That had definitely been Oswald's finest hour. Ed had never felt so proud of him...

 

**12 Years Later:**

 

Ed was still thinking about the day that Oswald had changed the law and destroyed the trade in black market implants, he had a smile on his face as he got up from the desk and left the study, only pausing to glance at the framed picture on the wall of him and Oz kissing beneath a shower of confetti on their wedding day. He felt a powerful wave of love wash over him and just as he left the study, he heard the front door open. For now his worries about the next baby were gone from his thoughts. He just wanted Oz in his arms, his brave and clever Oz who had done something so remarkable all those years before...

Oswald had entered the house, closed the door behind him and then turned to see Ed standing there.

“You were magnificent today!” he said proudly, and as Oswald opened his mouth to speak, Ed pulled him close and kissed him deeply, sweeping him into a tight embrace that came so unexpectedly, Oswald dropped his cane. As he came up for air, he looked up at him with a stunned expression.

“Should I do interviews more often, Ed? This is a very passionate welcome home!”

As he held him, Ed smiled down at him, feeling overwhelmed with love for his little Oswald who was looking up at him with those pretty eyes so wide with surprise.

“Let's go upstairs,” he said softly, then he took him by the hand and led him towards the stairway.

Oswald didn't say a word, he was still surprised at Ed's sudden show of passion. It had been so spontaneous, so unexpected...

“I was listening to you on the radio,” Ed told him softly as they reached the bedroom door and he gave it a push and led him inside, “And I was thinking back to the day you changed the law in this city, you were magnificent that day, I'll never be able to find the words to tell you how proud I am of you, Oswald...”

As they reached the bed, Ed took off his jacket and tossed it aside, then grabbed Oswald and pulled him close, kissed him again and gave him a gentle push. He was weak with desire and fell back on to the bed and as he watched Ed strip off his shirt, his own hand reached for his tie, but Ed knelt on the bed, leaning over him as Oswald's head was filled with the sight and scent of his bare upper body as he spoke tenderly to him.

“Leave it, baby, I'll undress you,” Ed whispered, and gave him a soft, brief kiss.

As he slid off his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt, Oswald lay back, giving a sigh as he smiled up at him, feeling completely loved and adored, and very much desired. As he cast aside the last of his clothing and took him in his arms, Ed was speaking softly to him as he kissed his chest and then his throat.

“ _You were magnificent that day...”_ he kissed below his ear, _“I love you so much, what did I do to deserve you?”_ he breathed against his hair and then as he kissed his lips again, Oswald gave a shiver as he shifted his damaged leg, parting his thighs wider as Ed's hardness pressed against him impatiently. As he looked up at him, Oswald's eyes reflected the kind of love that made Ed's heart race.

“I love you too, Ed!” he said urgently, and as he pressed his erection against him, urgency burned in his eyes, “Take me....hurry up, do it now...”

Ed shifted lower, and as his cock pressed against his entrance, he felt it again, that warm, slick wetness. It was almost too much to take.

“ _Oh fuck, you're so wet!”_ he gasped, and pushed in deeply.

Oswald gave a gasp, and the way he threw his head back and closed his eyes as pleasure registered on his face made Ed's hardness throb. He thrust against him hard and fast, silencing his cries with deep and passionate kisses. They were both panting and moving together impatiently, then as Oswald's breath came in short, sharp bursts and his face flushed, his hand moved down to his own erection as he started to stroke it firmly.

Ed moved urgently against him closing his eyes, knowing the sight of Oswald on the brink would tip him over the edge too soon.

“ _You first.... you first, Oz...”_ he gasped.

Oswald gave a sharp cry and Ed felt him come hard, heat and wetness hitting his skin as they moved together, the thought that his orgasm had covered them both was mind blowing, and Ed opened his eyes looked down at Oswald on his back in the final moments of release, and then he allowed himself to lose control, gasping as he thrust deep, throbbing inside him.

Their bodies were still joined as Ed slid down breathless into his arms. Oswald's face was still flushed as love reflected in his gaze.

“That was the best, Ed,” he said softly.

As they embraced Ed closed his eyes, making the most of their time with the house empty, so they could grab an hour's sleep in the middle of the day, together and naked on top of the covers. Later he planned to get up, make some lunch and they could eat in bed. He would bring Oswald a glass of wine, run him a bath and tell him to relax for the rest of the day... Ed's thoughts were far from his anxieties for once, and he silently but joyfully acknowledged that. His fears had retreated for a while, and to have a break from those smothering cold fears felt wonderful. He hoped it would last...

 

At the end of the school day, Hope had felt her temper rising as Nessa had shot her yet another evil glare. She had tolerated it for days, and now, she considered her patience well and truly snapped. As she left the building, she turned her head to see Nessa hurrying out of school.

“It's time to take action,” she announced, as two of her friends exchanged that look that said it all: _Hope is going to start trouble...Let's get out of here..._

She heard them say they were going home and just nodded, she didn't need her friends around to deal with Nessa Galavan... As Nessa passed her, she stuck out her foot. Nessa tripped and landed on the path with a satisfying thump.

“Oops, so sorry,” said Hope as she lingered there, watching as Nessa picked her self up.

Then Nessa brushed down her clothing and turned back to her, and her eyes were blazing with anger.

“What was that for?” she said in a low voice as she took a step closer.

Hope stood her ground.

“For all the times you've been staring at me in class, _and_ saying stuff about my family!”

Nessa glared at her.

“You don't know how lucky you are! Two dads _and_ an uncle? Some of us don't have one dad!”

“Where is your dad?” Hope demanded.

Nessa's eyes flashed with rising temper.

“He can't be with us. There are lots of reasons, get out of my way, I'm going home.”

“No. I have more questions, Vanessa!”

Nessa gave her a shove. Hope staggered back and then her eyes turned to icy rage as she raised her bag, heavy with books, ready to smash her in the face.

“ _HOPE, STOP THAT!”_

On hearing her Uncle Ed's voice, Hope lowered the bag as Nessa smiled and deep satisfaction reflected in her eyes.

“Looks like you're in the shit!” she said in a low voice, but Ed had joined them quickly and now both girls stood there in silence as he shot an angry glare to Hope.

“Were you fighting?”

“She tripped me,” said Nessa.

“ _She_ started this a long time a go,” Hope said angrily as she looked up at Ed, “Ever since she came to this school, dirty looks, giving me evil stares, saying she's jealous of me!”

“Hope,” Ed said as tension crept into his voice, “Go and wait by the car, please.”

“But Ed, she -”

“ _I said, go and wait by the car!”_

Hope hurried off to wait by the car, while Ed stayed behind, looking down at Nessa.

“I'm sorry about Hope,” he said, “She's not usually so aggressive...” he glanced around. There was no sign of Tabby.

“Is your mother picking you up today?”

She nodded.

“Mom sent me a text, she said she was held up in traffic. She won't be long.”

“Are you okay, Vanessa?” he said, “Did you hurt yourself when Hope tripped you?”

“I'm fine, it was no big deal,” Nessa replied.

Ed smiled.

“You're tough, like your Mom. I used to know her years ago. So did my husband Oswald... Do you think your mother might let you come over to the house and spend some time with Hope? It might be helpful if you two get to know each other and talk about stuff.”

She glanced over to the car. Hope was leaning against it and the look she shot her was a pure death stare.

“Why would I want to do that?” Nessa said in alarm, “She hates me!”

“That's what Hope says about you too. I think maybe you just misunderstood each other. Do ask your Mom if you can come over.”

Hurt reflected in Nessa's eyes.

“She asked me about my Dad!”

Ed drew in a deep breath. Clearly, that question had caused some hurt.

“Is there a reason for that question to upset you? Because if she's said something cruel -”

“No,” Nessa told him, “She just asked why he wasn't around.”

“I'll make sure she doesn't say that to you again,” Ed promised.

Nessa felt emotional and it showed as she looked back at Hope, who looked away, then she spoke again.

“I did start this,” she admitted, “But only because she talks about you and her dads and how great you all are! I can't see my Dad until I'm older – Mom said I can see him if I want to. But she doesn't want him around while I'm growing up.”

“Why not?” Ed couldn't help but let that question slip out.

“She said it's complicated. He's married. And she said years ago he was so crazy he was put in Arkham. She doesn't want my crazy Dad around. But she still loves him. Sometimes when Auntie Barbara comes over and they drink wine my Mom plays songs about wanting her ex back and Barbara teases her.”

“That sounds like the Barbara I used to know!” Ed replied, and then a familiar voice spoke up.

“Ed?”

“Tabby,” he replied as tension crept into his voice and he met her gaze, thinking about how he had nearly smashed into her car, “I'm sorry about the other day. I was careless.”

“Sorry I called you a psycho,” she replied.

“Hope and Nessa had a quarrel,” Ed added, “But it's okay now. I was wondering if Nessa could come over to the house and maybe get to know Hope. It might help them get along better.”

“Maybe,” Tabby checked her watch, “We should go, Nessa. We're running late.”

“For what?” Nessa asked.

“Let's go, Nessa. I'll talk some other time, Ed,” she added, then she hurried off with her daughter.

Ed turned back and went over to the car, where Hope was still leaning against it.

“I just said to Tabby I think Nessa should come over to the house. I think you should get to know each other, it might help you learn to get along!”

Hope shot him a look of disgust.

“She is _not_ entering my home!”

“I've had enough of this,”Ed warned her, “No more quarrels or fights with anyone, especially not Vanessa! And if I say she's coming over to the house, it's not up to you! I think you girls need to get to know each other and stop this stupid fighting before it gets out of hand. Now get in the car, we're going home!”

Hope got into the car.

“And we are _not_ mentioning the trouble between you and Nessa to your Daddy!” he added as he started the engine, “He mustn't have any worries, we have to look after him.”

“But there's nothing wrong with him, Daddy's fine,” Hope said, sounding confused.

“He wants another baby. Eventually he's going to be pregnant. We have to look after him,” Ed repeated, then they drove away and he said no more as those worries began to fill his head again, his anxiety had woken up along with thoughts about losing Oswald in childbirth, thoughts he couldn't shut up even though Riddler was audible in his mind telling him to stop bringing up the stuff from the past that they both needed to forget. Even his alter ego didn't understand. Ed knew he was entirely alone with his fears.

 

Much later that evening, long after Nessa had gone to bed, as she finished another glass of wine and looked over at Tabby, Barbara concluded it was certainly for the best that she'd offered to come over and keep her company tonight. Someone would have to take Nessa to school in the morning, and she would rather Tabby slept in and slept off the wine – a few glasses had turned into a few too many for her that evening, she wasn't drunk, but she was certainly in the mood to talk... about the past, _again_. As she went over to join her, Tabby slid the CD into the player and adjusted the volume, keeping it low. With the door closed, the sound didn't carry heavily upstairs, she was thinking of her daughter even while she was in this... _thinking of the ex_ mood...

Barbara sat down on the carpet beside her, watched as the bottle touched to the rim of the glass and she poured herself another drink. This was the problem with the fact that they had once been lovers – they were still closer than close in the sense that she knew when she was hurting, she knew when something had cracked her tough exterior and found its way into her heart, enough to pierce it all over again. _Old wounds..._

Tabby took a sip of wine. The look in her eyes said she was far away, and Barbara could accurately estimate how many, too... She needed to do something about this, sarcasm, wit, humour, something was needed to pull her out of a moment that had left her locked in a sad moment she kept revisiting with one glass too many and sentimental lyrics on the CD player... Barbara decided to give it her best shot, guessing she had better shut off that music first. It was one of those _this song reminds me of him_ tunes and as she reached around to shut it off, Tabby was still looking into space, she was back in the past as the music floated about the air:

_'You just pass me by, its still makes me cry, you can make me whole again...'_

Barbara stopped the music. Tabby blinked and turned her head.

“What did you that for?”

“Because I'm sick of you doing that _thinking of him_ thing!”

“What do you mean?” Tabby demanded.

“You do it every time you let off steam with a few drinks. All it takes is something to set off the memories and you're sitting there with a glass in your hand, usually playing an old song by Atomic Kitten as you drift away into a past full of regrets!”

“I don't!”

Barbara gave a sigh as she shook her head.

“Oh Tabby, I can understand why you had that brief affair with Oswald – it was guilt! And I don't blame him for thinking the way he did – of course he thought he was Vanessa's father! He's Oswald, he wanted to think that way, he wanted to be a gentleman, he's old fashioned like that.”

“And he's a decent person,” Tabby added, and her gaze shaded with a flicker of that guilt Barbara had just mentioned, “I told him before she was born, I said, she's not your baby! He wouldn't believe me!”

“That's because you were already pregnant when you two had your....” Barbara waved her hand in the air, as if trying to summon the right phrase, then she giggled, “What should I call it? The _fifty shades of Oswald_ adventure?”

Tabby smiled as she shook her head.

“Don't, it wasn't like that...”

Barbara paused for thought.

“You'd just found out your five minute fuck with the man of your dreams...” she giggled again as she shook her head, “Oh my god, _why?_ Why him? Anyway, like I was saying... you'd found out unfortunately your contraception had let you down. You decided to get out of town and clear your head and you ran into Oswald, who had just had the mother of all fights with Ed. You and him ended up at a trailer park, where you wound up staying for three weeks. You and him had a fight over something you said and he took it the wrong way and then...” she shrugged, “I guess you both resolved your differences physically. There's a fine line between love and hate. Just be thankful you sealed it with a kiss and kept your mouth shut about all that guilt and remorse he saw in your eyes. The reason why it was so clear to see is understandable, too,” then Barbara laughed, “He thought he was making you feel remorse? It was sex, Tabby.”

Tabby fell silent for a moment, recalling the weeks after Vanessa had been born: _She had told Oswald, this baby is not yours. But he had refused to believe her. He had turned up at Barbara's apartment when she had taken Nessa there, and as Barbara was about to unlock the door, he had heard the two of them talking in the hallway:_

“ _Have you spoken to her father yet?” Barbara had asked._

“ _Not yet,” Tabby replied, “But I don't want that crazy bastard in my life. I'm too worried she might turn out just like him.”_

_And Oswald had limped over to them, looking as furious as her words had made him feel._

“ _You don't want me in her life?” he raged, “I will not stay away from her! And I insist on supporting her financially! But I'll have no contact with YOU. I can't wait for the day to come when she asks why she doesn't have a grandmother. You can tell her, it's because you killed her!”_

Tabby felt an ache in her chest at the memory, he had got it all wrong about Vanessa, but as Barbara had said at the time, it was better this way – better than the fallout from the truth...

“I feel so sorry for Oswald,” Tabby said honestly, “Sometimes I think about all the things I've done to hurt him... his mother, and then...” she shook her head, “There are some things that can't be forgiven. I can never take Oswald's money. It's not like I need it and it just wouldn't be right. I didn't know it at the time, I didn't know when he threw the past in my face, I had no reason to think he was carrying a child of his own. He almost died six weeks later because of that implant. I didn't know, all the time I was pregnant and he kept bothering me...because he refused to believe me... I care for him, I honestly do. I sometimes wish I could just go up to him and tell him the truth!”

“No,” Barbara replied, “There are just some things that _should_ be left alone. Like Nessa's father, for example. You told him to fuck off, and he did, right away!” she paused, closing her hand over Tabby's as she looked into her eyes, “I am going to try and say this without laughing... I'm sorry...”

She giggled and stopped quickly as annoyance flashed in Tabby's eyes.

“I'm not being heartless,” she said, “I'm just remembering the way you used to lust after him! He was five minutes in a dirty alley! What else did you expect?”

“I guess I was just seeing the other side of him.”

Barbara laughed softly as she shook her head, the irony of her words had not been lost to her.

“Oh yes,” she reminded her, “You certainly got the other side of him! _That's what you get for chasing after a crazy game show host from the Narrows! You didn't get Ed, Tabby. You got Riddler that night!_ ”

Tabby could still remember it like yesterday:

The thrill of deliberately bumping into Ed after one of his shows, winding her arms about his neck as he had flashed a smile and pulled her into the shadows saying he got lonely too, he got very lonely these days because him and Oswald were not getting along... It had been quick sex on a dirty old sofa dumped in an alley. Then he had come to his senses and that confident man with the alluring smile who had looked so good for his audience in his Riddler suit had vanished. His dark half had taken what he wanted, all that was left was Ed Nygma blinking as he let go of her and tidied his clothing and apologised for the fact that this must _never_ happen again...

She had no more contact with Ed. Then after Vanessa was born, Oswald, not forgetting their encounter, had heard her – talking about Ed, and assumed it was about him. She had then met with Ed, and told him the truth. He had been apologetic for Riddler's behaviour, and offered her child support, which she had turned down, because she didn't need money, she had her own. He had asked for access. She had told him she didn't want his split personality influencing her daughter. They had quarrelled. Ed had walked away.

Weeks later, Oswald had collapsed. When Tabby had realised what had happened, she had cried for Oswald, not Ed – and sent Barbara to visit him, because she had decided it was best for Oswald, and his child, to stay the hell away from a situation that had the potential to destroy everything. And leaving it alone had worked, Ed and Oswald and Hope were a happy family. It didn't stop Oswald trying to send money for Vanessa, he wouldn't give up on thinking she was his – but the situation was contained... as long as she left the past alone...

Tabby gave Barbara's hand a squeeze and smiled fondly as she looked into her eyes.

“Surely I'm allowed to feel a little bit sorry for myself sometimes?”

“No,” Barbara replied softly, “You're not. You got pregnant by Riddler. Oswald thinks Vanessa is his child and he would think it even you forced him to have a DNA test to prove otherwise, he'll never let go of that belief... If you ever told the truth, you'd destroy their family. I don't know how or why you and Oswald ever got that close, I wasn't there for those three weeks you spent with him – but I do know what you told me to say to him when I went to see him in ICU after his implant ruptured. I don't know if it's because you'd just had a baby and so had he, or if that affair you had with him meant more than you want to admit. But you don't love Ed, you wanted Riddler and you got Riddler. When you look at Nessa, you see her father in her. That's all it is.”

She kissed her cheek and then got up, and picked up the bottle and the glass.

“I'm getting rid of the booze, and I'm off to bed,” she told her, “See you in the morning, Tabby.”

As she left the room, Tabby gave a heavy sigh. Seeing Ed had brought back a flood of memories. She knew some day Nessa would ask questions, and she would have to tell her the truth... _Could she ever tell the truth?_ The very last thing she ever wanted to do was wreck Oswald's happiness. She had already hurt him too many times in the past, and Hope needed a settled future as much as Nessa did. It was a mess, but maybe only from her perspective: _Ed and Oswald were happy. They had a family, too. It was crazy how the passing of time, and kids coming along, had changed their lives so much..._ Now she wasn't thinking about Ed. She was thinking about Oswald, and that chance meeting long ago that had changed their relationship forever...

 

**12 Years Before:**

 

Getting out of the city had seemed like the best thing to do. Just to leave and make some time and space to clear her head. Tabby had not even decided, was she going to keep this baby that wasn't planned - or not? Financially, it wouldn't be a problem. Money would never be an issue for her, she was a Galavan. But a baby was a huge decision, a big life change and she was sure Barbara was only saying, _ Remember its your baby... _ because she liked the idea of her having this kid. She had already listed all the the things she would do if she went ahead and became a mother. Barbara had set up a very vivid picture of what  _ Auntie Barbara _ would do to help out. The thought made Tabby smile. But she hadn't intended to get pregnant by anyone, least of all Ed. He had been a one night stand and her contraception had failed because of sheer bad luck. She hadn't told Ed, not yet. She still didn't know what to do about the pregnancy. And that was why she had left Gotham, alone...

Seeing Oswald staggering along the road late at night had been a shock. He looked like he had been in a huge fight, his eye was black, his lip was split and he fell over twice before she stopped the car, grabbed him and pulled him into the passenger seat. He had promptly passed out.

By the time she pulled over to the side of the road as the night darkened further and ran started to fall, he woke up, looked about the car, then the view of the rain running down the wind shield, and as he saw Tabby in the driving seat, he sat up sharply.

“I found you on the road!” she said, meeting his gaze with honesty, “You look like you've been in a fight. I was just helping you out. We're both a long way from home.”

Oswald paused for thought as his eye throbbed and cuts and other bruises ached. He recalled a fight with Ed...

“He took the car. I walked away.”

“Ed?” she guessed.

He nodded, then he forced a brief smile that covered so much heartbreak.

“I'm sure he will live to regret his actions. He usually does!”

Tabby looked at him, saying nothing. So much ran through her mind:  _ The day she killed his mother. Then, even after that unforgivable act, she had slept with Ed... Ed had been pure selfishness. She hadn't thought of Oswald, not until now, looking into his eyes - and maybe it was because they were alone, perhaps it was their closeness inside this car, but she was looking into the eyes of someone who had been through a lot of pain in life. She had never noticed it before and as she silently acknowledged she had been responsible for some of that pain, she felt a sting of guilt. _

“I need to find a place to stay soon, this weather's getting worse,” she told him, “I don't want to sleep at the side of the road.

Oswald looked ahead, through the rain that ran down the window, and as a car passed on the other side of the road, he caught sight of a road sign that looked familiar.

“I know a place we can go,” he said, and Tabby started the engine.

 

They had found their way to a trailer park. It was supposed to be for one night. The trailer was old but comfortable enough, and Tabby had turned on a heater to banish the cold before telling him there was only one bedroom and he would have the couch in the other room. Then she had opened up a bag she had taken from the car and pulled out a bottle and Oswald had found glasses in the kitchen area. They had sat down, not together, but a short distance apart over a small coffee table, and as the rain fell, she had poured the scotch. 

“So you and Ed are over?” she asked.

Oswald swallowed the drink and poured another. Tabby shot him a look and he ignored it. He had just had a bad day. He would drink what ever was on the table, even if it wasn't his booze.

“Why were you leaving Gotham?” he asked.

He raised the glass and this time, regarded her suspiciously over its rim with an ice blue gaze. Tabby looked at him thoughtfully and then shook her head.

“You don't need to know. Personal reasons.”

They had stayed there for a while as the rain hit the roof of the trailer and the contents of the bottle went slowly down, with Oswald drinking more than Tabby, and faster. Tabby had sat in silence for a while, and then as she reflected too deeply on all that had happened, emotion had filled her eyes as guilt bit deeply again.

“Oswald,” she said, “I'm sorry...”

“For what?”

His suspicion had been raised. She shook her head, looking away. Then Tabby got up and turned for the door, and Oswald was up at lot faster than she had expected, grabbing at her arm and turning her to face him. She saw anger burning in his eyes and knew this situation was about to explode.

“Let go!”

“ _You're sorry for what?”_ he said darkly.

It was then she saw the murderous burning rage in his eyes. Oh god, he thought she had mentioned the death of his mother...

“It's ridiculous.. it doesn't even matter, it's not what you think -”

She had no time to lash out in defence as he moved fast, taking the blade from his cane and setting it at her throat as he pinned her to the wall.

“My mother's death doesn't matter to you?” he said darkly, “Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you for saying that!”

He was one push of blade into flesh from slicing through her throat. If she fought back, he would still do it. She was trapped against the wall as the son of the woman she had killed glared at her in fury.

“I just want you to know I feel remorse!” she said, as guilt over the killing and then, guilt over Ed reflected in her eyes, _“I am so sorry for what I've done to you, to your life, Oswald!”_

Their faces were a fraction apart. That was the moment he saw something reflected in her eyes:  _ Honesty _ . _ It was so deep, so intense, as if he had just looked into her soul... _ It had been unexpected, and the emotions that came with that realisation were also a shock. As her eyes filled with tears, he had no time to think about why as he followed his instinct, dropping the blade and leaning close and kissing her. Tabby clung to him, she was still crying as they embraced and kissed again, and she kept saying sorry as they fell to their knees, then lay together on the floor and then, as he wiped away her tears, he was still holding her as he spoke softly, in a way she had never imagined Oswald could speak to anyone:

“ _We have all suffered pain in our lives, Tabby. I do not entirely blame you for my mother's death. You were caught up in bad situation. We all know how easily that can happen in our city. And I know true remorse when I see it...”_

As they embraced, her gaze was locked with his. The love making that followed was rough, as Oswald deliberately did not kiss her or show tenderness as she welcomed him into her body. He had taken her hard, telling her pain would wipe away her guilt, and that he had learned through his torture in Arkham that pain was highly effective to teach the meaning of true remorse. She had clung to him, staying silent about how this rough sex was driving her wild. She had climaxed before him, and then he had lost control, and later, as the rain still fell and the night grew cold, they had gone to the bedroom together, where they had laid in the same bed but apart, until Oswald had shivered, and she had shifted closer and held him in her arms...

The days had passed by and it had seemed like the rest of the world had melted away, as they stayed in that trailer sometimes eating, often drinking, Oswald stuck in a circle of thoughts about the past and Arkham and his mother's death and how he was determined Tabby would understand true remorse for her crime by the time they left. 

But he no longer looked at her with resentment in his eyes. Now, it was something deep and gentle. Even though he enjoyed dominating her and she loved it too much to tell him to stop, in that moment, that was their world, for him, a world without Ed and the responsibility of running the city's underworld – and for her, it was a time she could forget all realities of life and as she got to know the other side of Oswald, a man she had never truly known until now. 

_ Three weeks together had changed them both.  _ Oswald held her tightly in his arms and told her all his hopes and dreams, he laid bare his fears, and it was all about Ed. He had to go home, he had to make things right with Ed. He had plans, he said – he was going to make a new start with Edward, he had decided that he wanted to raise a family with him...

“You want to have children?”Tabby had asked as they lay together in bed.

“Yes,” Oswald had replied, looking into her eyes as he swept her hair from her face and gazed down at her with deep fondness, “Even if I have to give up my empire, I'll do it for Edward if it means we can settle down together. I know I hold on to him too tight and that's when he pushes me away, I demand too much, I love too hard - but he needs to see what I'd give up for him. There's nothing I wouldn't do. Life is too precious to waste.”

“Yes, life matters,” Tabby agreed, “It would be great if you had a baby with Ed... that precious new life... I'm so sorry your mother won't be there to see it.”

“I believe you regret your actions,” Oswald said, smiling warmly as he held her, “Perhaps we were meant to be here like this, to heal the hatred between us. I think this has changed us both for the better...”

The next day, they drove back to Gotham and went their separate ways. Oswald hadn't been the only one who had decided what to do next. Tabby had made up her mind, after all that talk of life and death and how precious life was, she had decided to keep Ed's baby... Oswald had not known she was pregnant. He could never know, because it would destroy him and Ed, and that was the last thing Tabby wanted for Oswald, who she now saw in a new light...

 

**12 Years Later:**

 

As Tabby reflected on the past, she felt a weight of sadness in her heart. It had all seemed so simple at the time: _Stay silent about those three weeks with Oswald. Keep Ed's baby. Get on with life_. But it hadn't been simple, not when Oswald insisted he had to be Vanessa's father. The shock she had felt when he had collapsed with a ruptured implant had been devastating. She had no clue that all the time he had been pursuing her and Nessa and trying to persuade her to let him into her life, he had been carrying a child of his own – he had told her in the three weeks they spent together he had planned to go back to Gotham and start a family with Ed. When she realised he had trusted a black market implant, that had shocked her as much as the news about how the device had almost killed him. After that, there could never be any chance of her telling the truth about Tabby's father. Oswald had suffered enough...

Tabby got up from the floor, turned out the light and headed for her room. She thought about Barbara in the spare bedroom tonight, and smiled. Barbara would never know how thankful she would always be for their friendship. It was strong, it would last forever. And that was a real blessing in a world where so much else had slipped through her fingers leaving behind only deepest regret...

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be writing the next chapter to this fic after Christmas - the next three days will be quite busy for me!  
> I hope all readers have a lovely Christmas, and I promise it wont be long until the next chapter is up!  
> Love, Davina :-)

Chapter 6

 

_Time moved on._

Ed quietly worried about Oswald's baby plans, and he also worried about Nessa and Hope attending the same school. The more he worried, the more his fears for Oswald resurfaced. It was like a never ending loop of anxiety that he couldn't escape. He had never been more thankful he had effective meds, if not for that, he was sure he would have lost his mind by now..

But at least talking with Nessa and her mother seemed to have helped the situation at school. Nessa and Hope were staying away from each other. There had been no more fighting. Ed felt sure Tabby would never know the level of pain he had felt in his heart on the day he had spoken to his daughter and heard what she had repeated about why she couldn't get to know her father.

He wanted to call Tabby and remind her, he had been raising Hope with Oswald for twelve years – he had been there for Hope when she was a baby and Oswald had been too weak to care for her, and he had done a damned fine job of that. Riddler was under control. Ed had not broken the law since Hope's birth. He had changed his life, he had kept his split personality under control. He could be a father to Nessa... _But then, Oswald would eventually find out. That would shatter everything... He couldn't do that to his Oz._

He had been faithful since Hope's birth, faithful for all of their marriage. He would never be so weak as to allow Riddler to let him stray again. At least Tabby had said Nessa could get to know him when she was older if she wanted to. That would have to be enough, because there could be no other way. It was a painful situation. Seeing his daughter had brought it all back to him so sharply. But then he would look at Oz and remember, he had vowed to devote his life to this man, and that was exactly what he intended to do. He had come so close to losing him, he would never take him for granted, never mistreat him, always cherish him - and never fail him. That was what he had promised, and that was what he would do, because Oswald was his life...

 

While Ed silently kept his worries and his regrets to himself, Oswald had got into the routine of visiting Lee every two weeks, and she had said she was sure he would conceive soon. He was in good health, and considering the trauma he had been through with Hope's birth, emotionally, he was in a very good place. When he started feeling more hungry than usual and eating more and sleeping more too, Lee had suggested maybe he ought to take a pregnancy test. He had told her he would do it at home, because he wanted the good news – if it happened – to be shared with Ed before anyone else...

And now he sat alone in the bathroom, holding the test in his hand. He hadn't dared to look yet, he had used it, left it on the shelf and then showered, now he sat there on the edge of the bath wearing a purple silk robe with his damp hair falling in his eyes as held on to that test, but kept his gaze fixed on the window. He wanted to look, he wanted to see the result but he felt caught between nervousness and excitement. _He wanted this so much..._

Oswald drew in a slow breath, looked down at the test and turned it over and read the result:

_Pregnant._

He gave a gasp as a smile lit up his face and tears of joy shone in his eyes as he thought of Ed and how overjoyed he would be. His hand shifted just below his ribcage, on the right side, high up where Lee had told him the baby would grow – and this time, the implant would not cause pain, nor would it crush his stomach. This pregnancy would be just fine...

He looked down at the place where his hand rested.

“Hello, little one!” he said tenderly, “I've been waiting _so_ long for you! Ed's little baby. Baby Nygma... I can't wait to tell your father the good news!” then he got up, left the bathroom and went back into the bedroom, where he sat down on the bed and took a deep breath, then he wiped his eyes and all the while he couldn't stop smiling:

_There was a life inside him. At last, Ed's baby was growing inside him, tucked away warm and safe and nine months from now, that little one would be born into a family filled with so much love. Hope would have a brother or a sister, and that baby would have a wonderful life..._

“I can't wait to hold you for the first time!” he said softly, and as he smiled again, pride and joy radiated from gaze as he glanced at the clock: Ed had gone over to the Iceberg Lounge to see Victor Zsasz, who now ran the place. He had some paperwork to go over with him, it was routine business. He would be back soon. Oswald wanted him to hurry, he couldn't wait to tell him the wonderful news...

 

“ _Ed, I have something to tell you!”_

As he closed the front door and turned to see Oswald hurrying over to him, limping hard on his cane as he dashed towards him, for a moment, all that struck Ed was that Oz looked very happy. He hadn't even guessed what the news might be. Oswald looked up at him, his face flushed and radiant. He was glowing with happiness. He held up the test.

“ _I'm pregnant!”_

Ed's jaw dropped as he stared at the test in his hand. _The result was definitely positive. Oswald was thrilled._ Ed felt a slow slide into a state of shock as he smiled and hugged him, then kissed him and said it was wonderful news. Inside, he felt like his heart was breaking. All the fears he had been trying to hold back had just burst through the barrier in his mind, flooding it with dark and horrible thoughts.

 _He's not going to die, you idiot!_ Riddler said inside his head.

 _Shut up,_ Ed silently replied, _Who are you to pass comment on this child? I conceived this one, what do you have to say about Nessa, YOUR child? Nothing? I'm waiting... Never mind, some day when the shit hits the fan you will go so silent I'll wonder if I've magically turned sane overnight as I try and limit the fallout from your reckless actions..._

Riddler fell silent, just like he always did when Ed was left to pick up the pieces of the mess made by his impulsive urges.

He looked down at Oswald, saw such joy in his eyes as he started telling him about one of the bedrooms that overlooked the gardens. It would be a nursery, he was saying, and he wanted Ed to decorate it. Ed was nodding and smiling and agreeing to everything to keep Oswald happy. Then he pulled him into a tight embrace again, holding on to him and afraid to let go as he placed a kiss in his swept up spikes.

“I love you, Oz,” he said as he drew back.

Oswald's eyes were shining with joy.

“I've always wanted your child!”

“Yes, I know that,” Ed replied softly, smiling as tears formed in his eyes.

Oswald could tell Ed was emotional, and assumed his tears were out of joy on hearing the news. It couldn't have been further from the truth, Ed was looking at the love of his life wondering how long before the implant ruptured, how long before... No, he couldn't bear to think about the fact that soon he would have to say goodbye to Oz. Maybe he wouldn't know, maybe it would be quick, perhaps in a few months time that implant would rupture and he would pass out, feeling no pain, slip away and never know exactly what had happened... Ed couldn't see a happy ending to this. The memory of Hope's birth and all that had followed was like a giant shadow threatening to swallow him up: _I lived through that, and so did you,_ he thought as he looked at Oswald, _But sweetheart, you won't survive a second time. I'll be left alone, with two kids and a broken heart..._

The next hour was a struggle for Ed, as Oswald joyfully made phone calls to friends, breaking the good news. When he called Jim, he said he would come over for a short while, as he was in the area. Ed doubted he did happen to be in the area, he was probably out working on a case and had found an excuse to slip away for an hour. Oz had said he sounded thrilled.

 

When Jim arrived, he knocked on the door and Oswald hurried down the stairs in his silk robe, moving as fast as his damaged leg would allow as Ed looked up the stairway, shooting him a look of annoyance.

“Oswald, I thought you went up there to get dressed?”

“No, I took a couple more calls while I fixed my hair,” he replied.

“It's almost eleven am, Jim is at the door – why don't you put something on!”

“I'm going to take it easy today,” Oswald replied as he joined him at the bottom of the stairs, “I just called Lee – she said to come in tomorrow so she can start monitoring the baby... answer the door, Ed, I'm going to sit down in the front room.”

Ed gave a sigh. Jim knocked again.

As he opened the door, Jim had a big smile on his face.

“I heard the good news,” he said, warmly shaking Ed's hand, “Congratulations, Ed, this is great news!”

Ed forced a tense smile.

“Thanks, Jim,” he replied, “Do come in.”

 

Ed led Jim through the house and into the front room, and he went straight over to Oswald and hugged him. Seeing such joy in his eyes made Jim's heart fill with love for the man who had brought his daughter into the world all those years before. Back then, it had been a terrible birth due to that fake implant, but this time, it was going to be just fine. It was going to be a happy pregnancy, and a safe birth. Jim was so pleased for Oz, he blinked away tears as he let go of him.

“This is such good news!” he said warmly.

Then he took a seat as Ed muttered something about no alcohol because Oz was pregnant, and he would make coffee instead, then he left the room.

Jim sat there on a comfortable armchair, looking at Oswald, who was lounging comfortably on a sofa, he was laying on it with his feet up, leaning against soft cushions as he smiled warmly.

“I am _so_ happy!” Oswald said.

“It shows, you look radiant,” Jim replied, “You've got a glow about you.”

Then he smiled and briefly looked away, feeling awkward as he had just been hit again by the thought that Oz looked so good, relaxing on that sofa in his silky robe... He was glowing with happiness, and suddenly the thought struck Jim that he wished he had been there for him when he was pregnant with Hope. Oswald sensed the change in his mood as his expression changed and he looked intently at him.  
“Jim? What's wrong?”

He gave a sigh and shook his head.

“Nothing...” he ran his fingers through his hair, looked away again, gathered his thoughts and then looked back at Oswald, hoping his face wouldn't flush as he said what was on his mind.

“It's just that I was thinking, I wish I could have been there for you to share the days when Hope was pregnant.”

Oswald smiled and then waved his hand, dismissing such a suggestion.

“Oh Jim, you have no idea how bad that pregnancy was! The implant was wrongly positioned, I couldn't eat when the baby started growing... I felt constantly unwell. It was no fun.”

“And I would have shared that too if I'd known... Sorry, I guess I'm just feeling emotional,” he smiled again to cover so much, but his face still flushed, “I'm just glad you'll have a wonderful experience this time around. Does Hope know yet?”

“Not yet, I'm telling her after school!” Oswald said, and he was barely able to contain his excitement.

“I really think it's best if I do the school run,” Ed said as he came into the room and set the coffee on the table.

Oswald shot him a look that was somewhere between annoyance and disbelief, and it wasn't lost on Jim, who thanked his detective skills for spotting it.

“I'm pregnant, not sick!” he exclaimed, “Ed, I can still drive a car! And I haven't done the school run for these past few days. I'm not made of china, I can still live my life, I won't break!”

Then as Ed sat down and drank his coffee in silence, Oswald smiled politely and looked at Jim.

“He worries too much.”

That statement covered a lot, Jim thought – Ed was pale and he noticed his hand shook a little as he put his coffee down on the table. He didn't want to make eye contact, either. He was sitting there stiff and awkward – Ed had always been a little awkward in company, but not like this, not with just him and Oz in the room...

“Why don't you want Oswald to drive, Ed?” he asked.

Ed sat there stiffly as he reluctantly met Jim's gaze.

“He's pregnant. He might get dizzy, or pass out while he's driving.”

Oswald laughed. Ed cringed as he gave a little shake of his head, looking down at the table once more.

“I'm just trying to protect you, Oz,” he said quietly.

“You have no idea how ridiculous that sounds!” Oswald said as he looked at his husband, “Edward Nygma, you're talking like everything I ever told you about male pregnancy and modern safety stats doesn't exist! Look at me – I'm fine!”

Ed was looking at him, and his eyes were tearful as he forced a smile.

“Of course you are, Oz.”

Then Oswald started talking about the plans for the nursery as Ed sat there listening. Jim was watching and now thinking more like a detective than a friend: _Something was definitely up with Ed_. Oswald hadn't noticed – of course not. He had just found out he was pregnant, he was overjoyed and right now, everything in his world was wonderful. He was no doubt thinking Ed was simply feeling emotional and worrying too much. It went deeper than worry. It almost bordered on fear. He had heard it in his voice, spotted it briefly in his eyes... _Was Ed still affected by the trauma of Hope's birth?_ The thought had hit him and Jim had wanted to dismiss it, because it would be awkward to ask such a thing, he couldn't just come out with it now, on such a happy day when Oz was feeling so thrilled.

Finding the right words was difficult, but Jim gave it his best shot.

“It's understandable to worry a little bit,” he said, glancing from Oswald to Ed, “After what happened last time with the fake implant, I guess you're both looking back today and thinking how different it is this time,” his gaze was still fixed on Ed, “Even though we know for a fact that male pregnancies are very safe and carry an extremely low risk of mismarriage. And the male mortality rate for childbirth via a legitimate fertility implant is practically zero.”

Ed swallowed hard. He wanted to speak up and tell Jim his fears, and he felt sure he had just reeled off those facts to settle his troubled mind, but he couldn't say anything, not in front of Oz, he had to pretend he was fine, it was the only way he could see himself getting through these worries that crowded his mind and refused to leave him alone.

“I'm aware of those facts, Jim, thank you,” he replied quietly.

Then Oswald started talking about his plans for the nursery again. By the time Jim had finished his coffee, he was very sure something was up with Ed. His years of training and experience as a cop was telling him these were definitely signs of trauma: _Did Ed have Ptsd?_ It wouldn't surprise him if he was right, those weeks after the implant had ruptured and Oswald's life had hung in the balance had been hell for Ed. That experience had changed him completely. He had gone from being a violent criminal who was often violent to Oswald, to becoming a kind and devoted husband who cherished his Oz. From the day Hope had been born, Ed had treated Oswald like he was made of glass, always protecting him, always treating him so gently... He had seen them out together sometimes at the Lounge, Ed with his arm around him, always attentive, never letting him out of his sight. There was something anxious about the way his gaze followed him across the room if he happened to slip away from his side for more than five minutes...

Now Jim got it: _Poor Ed. While Oswald was thrilled about the pregnancy, Ed was privately going through hell, he was probably terrified for him, thinking the past would repeat all over again._ But how and when to talk to him about it was the biggest problem – Ed wasn't the kind of guy to open up and talk about much, and obviously, he didn't feel he could talk to to Oz about it, not at a time like this... Jim silently made a decision that he would have to choose the right moment – not today, but soon – and sit down and have a talk with Ed about his fears...

 

Much later, long after Jim had left and Ed had promised he would start looking at ideas for colour schemes for the nursery, Oswald picked up the car keys, saw the worried look Ed had given him, and reminded him he was capable of driving, then left the house to pick up Hope from school. The traffic was good that day with no delays and when he got there slightly early, he parked and got out of the car, just as a car pulled up nearby. He glanced at the driver. It was Tabby. He recalled their angry exchange on the phone when she had turned down his money yet again and took a deep breath as he leaned on his cane and quickly walked over to her, catching her just as she got out and closed the car door.

“Hello Tabby.”

She turned around, surprise registering in her eyes to see Oswald standing there.

“About the money I sent for Nessa -”

“Oh no, please, Oswald,” she said, sounding much more reasonable than their last conversation had been via text, “I can't take your money.”

He was about to speak, but she drew in a deep breath and looked into his eyes and spoke again, this time saying far more than she had ever told him before. Clearly, simply saying _Nessa isn't your child_ had not worked and never would. He needed to hear more, just not everything...

“Oswald, I really am telling you the truth. Vanessa's father was a one night stand I had a few weeks before our... encounter. I was already pregnant, I just didn't mention it. I hadn't even decided what to do about the baby when I ran into you. But after, when we went back to Gotham, I knew what to do. So in a way, she's here because of you. Because of everything we talked about, life, death, life being precious... But she's not yours.”

Oswald stared at her.

“But Tabby, we had three weeks together and it was so -”

“I was already pregnant. When Nessa comes out of school, take a good look at her. You won't see anything of you in that baby because it's not there...” Tabby's eyes shaded with regret as she smiled and shook her head, “You know what's funny out of all this? When I compare you to what I had with her father long ago, I wish she was your child.”

Her words had come as something of a shock to Oswald, who had always wondered why she had pushed him away and insisted Nessa was not his daughter. Everything she had just said seemed to ring true, even though he didn't want to believe it – after those three weeks they had spent together, he knew honesty when he saw it in her eyes, and right now, there was nothing less... Then Tabby stepped closer as fondness shone in her eyes.

“By the way, I heard the news from Barbara – you're pregnant again! Congratulations, Oswald,” she hugged him, “A precious new life,” she whispered in his ear, then as she drew away, she kissed his cheek. For a moment they stood there, saying nothing as warmth reflected in his gaze and in hers. It was Oswald who broke the moment, and as he spoke, she could only shrug and shake her head.

“But there could be a chance Nessa is mine,” Oswald added.

“No...”

“Then who is he? Where is her father?”

“We barely knew each other, it was one night... not even a whole night, either. Just an encounter.”

“You've never tried to find him?” Oswald asked.

“He wasn't the kind of man – at the time – who I would have wanted to raise a child with. And he had his own commitments. Oswald, please don't do this – don't question me. Just look forward to the birth of your precious little one, don't torment yourself thinking about my situation. Honestly, Nessa isn't your daughter.”

Her words had strangely come as a relief to Oswald, who had spent years wondering why she had pushed him away and refused his money to support Nessa. But a small part of him still hoped there was a chance that child was his.

“So how do you explain what I overheard on the day I said such cruel and unforgivable things, Tabby?”

She looked into his eyes, giving him nothing less than he deserved – the truth.

“I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about Nessa's father.”

Oswald recalled all she had said: _She hadn't wanted the crazy bastard in her daughter's life in case she turned out like him?_

“If not me, then who?” Oswald asked, “Who could you have been describing, Tabby? Is he a criminal? Do I know him from the old days? I knew everyone who was anyone back then...”

As school ended, Tabby turned her head to see the kids were starting to leave.

“No, you don't know him,” she replied, and at that moment, Nessa headed over to the car.

“I'd better go,” she said, smiling warmly to Oswald, “I'll probably see you again soon – and I meant what I said, I really am pleased for you. A new life, it's great news.”

Oswald smiled at her, feeling the years melt away as he recalled how their three weeks shared away from Gotham had changed their relationship forever. Then he turned away and headed back to his own car, as he reached it, Hope met him there.

“Have you had a good day at school?” Oswald asked.

“Fine,” she replied, then she noticed the smile on his face and the sparkle in his eyes.

“I have exciting news!” Oswald told her, unable to hold it back any longer.

“What is it?”she asked.

“I'm pregnant, Hope!”

She hugged him excitedly.

“That's wonderful, Daddy!”

“I know!” Oswald agreed, “You should have seen Ed's face when I told him, he was so thrilled I thought he was going to cry!”

Then they got in the car.

“Your father came over to the house today,” Oswald added, “he wanted to congratulate me on the baby.”

“I bet my Father was so thrilled for you!”

“He is!” Oswald agreed, then they drove off, heading for home.

At the back of his mind, Oswald was still wondering about all Tabby had told him – clearly, there was a chance Nessa was not his child – he had always refused to believe to but now she had told him such details and he had seen that honest, pure gaze of absolute truth in her eyes, it was starting to dawn on him that maybe he should have believed her years back when she had first told him, but now, with thoughts of his pregnancy filling his heart with joy, he didn't want to linger on the past, or doubts, or think too deeply about the possibility that Nessa was not his child. For now, he just wanted to be happy, because he was carrying Ed's child. And it felt like a miracle.

 

As the time passed by, the news about the new baby seemed to have brought a ray of sunshine into the family home – spring was warm and in the garden of the estate, as the flowers bloomed, so did Oswald. By the time he was four months pregnant, he had a visible baby bump just below the right side of his ribs, already it was big enough to slide an arm around and cradle as he looked down at it fondly.

Ed had put off decorating the nursery for now – he couldn't face planning for afterwards, he couldn't think beyond Oswald's pregnancy. He had learned how to smile and pretend everything was just fine, even though he always felt worse after accompanying Oswald to his regular check ups with Lee, because going back in that hospital reminded him of before, of the days when Oswald had been so weak Lee had told him he might not survive. It gave him flashbacks and nightmares. He didn't see how anyone could ever wipe something like that from their memory.

Yet Oswald was so happy all the time. It made him smile to see him happy, even if beneath that smile his heart was breaking to think that when this pregnancy was over, he would lose Oz. Everyone was happy for him, everyone was so pleased about this baby growing inside him that would ultimately kill him. Ed felt like he was the only sane person left in Gotham who was aware of the true danger of Oswald carrying another child...

A twenty week scan had by now confirmed the pregnancy was going as planned, the implant was expanding as it should, and Oswald was carrying a healthy baby boy. They were yet to choose a name. Oswald loved calling his bump _Baby Nygma_. By a strong contrast to that first, flawed pregnancy with Hope, Oswald _looked_ pregnant this time. He was also eating much more than usual and had gained a little weight around his hips, and that bump was expanding visibly, a sure sign of a healthy pregnancy, that he was very proud to show off. He had his favourite suits altered to allow for his weight gain and was now in the habit of keeping his jacket open so his bump was visible everywhere he went. It was all a great experience, for Oswald, it was healing all the pain and sadness that had come with his first, very difficult pregnancy.

By now, Oswald and Tabby were speaking more frequently. The ice that had been frozen between them since her child had been born had melted. He didn't ask if he was Nessa's father any more, because he wanted to believe her.

Jim Gordon was a frequent visitor to the house, now Oswald was starting to feel heavier with his baby growing so well and so noticeably, he had given into Ed's request to slow down a little, and mostly, Ed did the school run, and Jim did it too, when he could fit it in with his work schedule.

 

As summer started, Oswald began to feel tired easily and needed frequent rest. Lee had assured him it was normal, and Oswald understood that too – but Ed worried even more. And the more he worried, the more Riddler mocked him for being stupid. It didn't help as he thought back to before. There was only before and after for Ed – before the implant had almost killed Oswald, and after, as he secretly worried for the safety of his husband. Jim had asked him several times if everything was okay, and Ed had always found an excuse to steer away from the subject, because he felt sure Jim, who was thrilled for Oz, would not understand his fears.

Then one morning after Jim had taken Hope to school on his day off, he returned to the Van Dahl mansion with a surprise for Ed and Oz. He had parked the car outside the house, then got out and opened up the trunk and took out tins of paint and a set of brushes. The door of the mansion opened and as Jim carried the paint towards the entrance, he couldn't help but smile.

“Morning, Jim,” said Oswald, and he was standing there leaning against that open doorway so casually with a cheeky smile on his face as his hair fell over his eyes. He was sipping his morning coffee and wearing a red silken robe that wrapped so perfectly about him that Jim could see every detail of his heavier, pregnant shape. He looked so.... _No, don't think it,_ Jim silently ordered, but it was too late, the thought was there in his mind:  
_Curvy Oswald!_

His smile got bigger as he put down the paint and joined him in the doorway.

"What's this for?” Oswald asked, then he blew on his hot coffee and sipped it, and Jim wished he would stop noticing all the things about Oz that still made his knees go weak. Jim took his phone from his pocket and showed him a picture.

“It doesn't have to look exactly like this if you want to change it, but this is what Barbara came up with. Tabby mentioned you wanted a nursery and you wanted a lilac theme and her and Barbara came up with this. She's laid it out in the shades you wanted, too.”

As he looked at the pastel lilac and white colour scheme, Oswald smiled as his eyes sparkled.

“Oh this is perfect! It's a lovely surprise too! I must call them and thank them later. What a thoughtful thing to do!”

“And Tabby said she doesn't mind coming over to help with the decorating at the weekend, if you like the carpet in the design she can bring it over and lay it for you– unless you want something else.”

Oswald looked at the soft white carpet in the picture.

“It's perfect! I was hoping Ed would have done something by now, but he doesn't seem to be in a rush.”

Just then Ed joined them in the doorway. He looked to the paint, then to Jim.

“What's going on?”

“Tabby and Barbara got together and designed a colour scheme for the nursery. I said I'd come over and surprise you both and start painting today.”

“Look at this, it's lovely!” Oswald said, showing the image on the phone to Ed.

“Yes, it's very nice. Tell them both thank you, it was a very nice and unexpected surprise...” he passed the phone back to Jim and paused, looking back down at the paint, then he caught his breath as worry shone in his gaze.

“Are...are you sure this is okay, for Oswald, I mean? Paint fumes and pregnancy may be a dangerous combination.”

Oswald shook his head and gave a sigh.

“Please stop this, Ed. I'm fine!”

“But the paint -”

“Edward, you're being ridiculous!” Oswald told him sharply, then he finished his coffee and checked his watch.

“I'm going to get dressed, then I'm off to see Lee for my appointment. And I'm driving over there, Ed. Maybe you could stay here and help Jim with the nursery?”

He had given Ed a rather intense look as he stood there, waiting for his response. One look in his eyes had told Ed that Oswald had just about had enough of his over protective, anxious worries. Last night he had been all over him, horny and begging him to make love. Eventually Ed and taken him in his mouth and satisfied him, after telling him he didn't want to penetrate him while he was pregnant, he knew the baby was high up near his ribs, but it made no difference to Ed, who was thinking about the scar inside and how it wasn't supposed to open up until delivery - but rough sex might damage it, he was certain of that, even though Oswald had told him it was impossible. He couldn't stop worrying. And now Oz was driving himself to his appointment with Lee. That worried him too, but if he said so, Oz would lose his temper, because he had already had enough of his anxiety.

“Ed, are you listening to me?” Oswald said, looking up at him.

“Yes, okay Oz, I'll help Jim,” Ed replied.

“Thank you!” Oswald exclaimed, “That's much better – you're not worrying for once, it's so refreshing!” then he hobbled off into the house to go upstairs and get dressed.

Jim glanced at Ed.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course, why wouldn't I be?”  
Ed sounded tense, and he wanted to ask why, but Ed spoke again.

“I'll help you get everything upstairs, then we can get started on those walls,” he added.

 

A short while later Oswald had driven off to meet with Lee for his appointment, and the spare room was set up and ready to start painting. Ed went over to the windows and opened them wide.

“That's better,” he muttered, “Got to keep those fumes out of here...”

“Ed?”

He turned back and looked at Jim.

“Yes?” he asked.

Jim turned away from the paint tin beside the ladder on the other side of the room and went over to join Ed by the window.

“Talk to me?” Jim offered, looking into Ed's eyes and seeing so much worry so thinly disguised.

“About what?”

“About how scared you are,” Jim said softly as he stepped closer, “Don't try and deny it, Ed. I've seen a look in your eyes that I've seen in the eyes of victims of bombings and shootings, people who have lost loved ones... I know trauma when I see it. I think you're terrified of losing Oz. I think you believe that what happened before will happen again. Even though you know he's going to be okay, you can't let go of what happened twelve years ago because it scarred you. I know I'm right. Please, just tell me I'm right so I can help you with this?”

Ed glared at him for a moment, feeling caught out with his secret as tears filled his eyes, then he gave a sob and as he crumbled, Jim embraced him.

“ _I am so scared, I don't want my Oz to die!”_ Ed wept.

Jim kept him in a reassuring embrace, thankful he had finally uncovered the problem.

“He's not going to die, he's just fine this time,” Jim said softly as Ed continued to sob and he patted his back, “I get it, I understand why you feel this way -” he drew back, but kept a hold of him to steady him as he met his tearful gaze, “But he's the birth father of both our children, so we're in this together - and it _will_ be okay,” Jim promised, “You just need some help to get through this. I'll help you, I'll support you all the way, buddy...”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

The two men sat together on the floor, leaning against the wall. Ed had stopped crying now, and as he paused for thought and Jim waited for him to speak he said nothing, giving him space and enough time to pull his shattered nerves and his thoughts together. He was getting somewhere now, and for Ed to admit there was a problem was a huge step in the right direction.

“We should start painting soon, Oswald will be back,” Ed said, breaking the silence.

Jim turned his head and met his gaze.

“Yes, he will be back soon. But we still have time to talk. Tell me what goes through your mind when you think about the new baby.”

Ed shook his head.

“I don't think about anything beyond the day he gives birth and something goes wrong.”

“But you do know realistically he's absolutely fine? You know genuine implants can't rupture?”

Ed gave a heavy sigh. He blinked away more tears.

“Knowing it and telling myself that and making _me_ believe that are very different things, Jim. All I have to do is walk in that hospital and Oz is going on about how excited he is to see that baby on the scan and I'm walking along side him but I'm not really there...” his voice began to break up as he fought back more tears, “I'm back _then_ , and Lee is telling me Oswald won't live if he has another bleed. She's telling me I should be aware that he probably won't survive. And I'm next to his bed, feeling powerless, terrified... I know I can't do anything to save him. I'm not thinking about it, I'm actually _back_ there and I'm shaking inside so hard - and I don't know how he doesn't see it when he looks at me.”

“Would it help if you talk to me about all this stuff more often? I am taking you seriously, Ed,” Jim looked intently at him, holding him in his gaze, “I don't think you're crazy, either. I know what you lived through and in some ways I think it hit you harder than Oswald because he doesn't remember the first three weeks. You must know this is trauma. Classic signs of post traumatic stress.”

Ed's breathing was shaky as he drew in more air and let it out slowly. He was starting to calm down now, he had been inconsolable when he had first admitted there was a problem, but after Jim had suggested they sit down, he seemed to be slowly calming and now, it was easier to talk.

“I'm not sure you want to hear all about my fears.”

“Does Riddler ever speak you about it?”

Pain reflected in his eyes.

“Riddler mocks me. He says I'm stupid, he makes fun of my deepest concerns.”

That came a a surprise, and Jim chose his words carefully – to say he agreed with Riddler would be too broad a statement, but in his own way, his alter ego, as insensitive as he was, had actually been trying to tell him his fears were unfounded...

“Riddler's not the most sensitive of people but I think he's trying in his own way to tell you that you're out of touch with reality,” Jim said, and Ed's eyes flashed with anger.

“No, I _don't_ mean you're crazy,” Jim briefly held his hand up gesturing for calm, knowing only too well how sensitive Ed was about his sanity being questioned, “Riddler – the other persona inside you – can see your fears are unfounded, that's all I meant by that. Have you thought about talking to Oswald about this?”

“No, I couldn't do that!”

“You don't want to spoil his happiness.”

Fear reflected in Ed's gaze again.

“I keep thinking, if these months leading up to the birth are his last days on earth -”

“They're not,” Jim reminded him, speaking softly, with patience.

“I just want him to be happy,” Ed added, “And I want to be wrong about all the things I worry about. If I told him, and I am wrong, I've ruined his enjoyment of this pregnancy by getting so worked up.”

“You are wrong,” Jim promised him, “Look at me, Ed.”

He had turned away, blinking back tears as he looked to the window.

“Ed, look at me...” as he met his gaze, Jim spoke again, “You _are_ wrong. Oz is going to be just fine.”

“I want you to be right, but you haven't lived through everything I went through after Hope was born. You can't imagine what that was like for me.”

Jim gave a heavy sigh. This was as close as he would ever get to spelling out how much Oswald meant to him, and he was definitely going to do it without hurting Ed's feelings, which was possible at a time like this, when he was feeling so raw.

“I was hurting too,” Jim admitted, “Don't get me wrong, I know you and Oz belong together. I had absolutely no right to take him to my bed, no matter how bad it was between you both back then. He wasn't mine to love. But I do care deeply for him, and I'm glad you two have worked out together, but I still look at him and I know he's the birth father of my child, I can understand how scared you must have been after Hope was born. I also felt devastated when you called me to tell me about Hope. Not because of her, I'm glad she's here, but I feel responsible for almost killing Oz, because I'm the one who got him pregnant while he had black market implant inside him. That was _me_ , Ed. _I did that and I'll always feel responsible for what happened to him_.”

Ed wasn't tearful now. He blinked, surprise registering in his gaze.

“No, you shouldn't think that way, Jim! If not you, it would have been me...What matters is that Hope is here and Oz is okay.”

“And he's going to be just fine,” Jim reminded him, “He's going to get through this birth with no problems. After what he went through the first time, do you really think Lee would have given him an implant if he was at risk?”

Ed shook his head.

“I guess not. I know I sound foolish.”

“No, you don't,” Jim promised, “But don't keep these worries to yourself. If you need me, call me. I'll always listen.”

Ed smiled. He felt stronger now. It had been the first time he had ever opened up like this and shared his anxieties with anyone, and Jim was so easy to talk to. It hadn't been easy admitting to his fears, but sharing his worries had somehow eased the weight of living with them constantly, perhaps his fears had even shrunk a little thanks this conversation.

“I think,” Jim said, “If you go with him to all his appointments, learn as much as you can about the labour and birth process, it will make it easier when the time comes. You are going to be there when he gives birth?”

Ed swallowed hard and his face paled.

“I'm not sure if I can bear to see him in that much pain.”

“Thinking back to everything that guy has been through over the years, I'd say it's a safe bet that he will cope very well with childbirth. But he does need you there, Ed. And you won't want to miss your child coming into the world.”

Ed paused for thought.

“I think I'm going to need your help, Jim. I just need you to listen to me, put me right when my crazy thoughts start scaring me!”

Jim smiled.

“I'm happy to help,” he reminded him, “Now, we should get on and do some painting. Oz will be back soon.”

They both got up and then Ed looked at Jim and now, he was smiling again.

“Thanks for listening.”

“I'm happy to help, I always will be,” Jim replied.

 

After the conversation with Jim, Ed felt noticeably happier. With the nursery painted, he was now letting go of the worst of his fears, trying to picture Oswald in there, putting their son to bed each night. Perhaps it would be okay. Maybe he could dare to enjoy this time without the shadows of the past reaching back to him...

Then one Friday night, at a time when they usually went out for a while to the Lounge, Oswald said he felt too tired to go anywhere. Ed felt a flicker of worry but Oswald shoved a pregnancy book in his face and reminded him tiredness was to be expected sometimes. Ed said he would read it later then he had taken him off to bed, where he could hold him with the lights out and try and banish his imagined fears as he held him close, his hand resting on that baby bump as he felt it move. The baby kicked and Ed smiled as he closed his eyes and they drifted off to sleep together.

He had been in a deep and peaceful sleep for a while when the light snapped on, and as Ed opened his eyes, he looked up to see Oswald wide awake and sitting up beside him in bed.

“Ed, wake up, get up, Ed!” he said excitedly.

He blinked away sleep, feeling confused. His first thought had been the worst – was it the baby? But thankfully he was wrong about that, Oswald was enthusiastic about something...

“I want you to kneel on the bed facing me,” Oswald said.

Ed pushed his hair off his face and blinked sleep from his eyes as he obeyed him, smiling at the sight of him, up on his knees on the bed as he looked into his eyes. Then he felt a flicker of pain and paused to adjust his damaged leg.

“It's the middle of the night!” Ed groaned, but then Oswald grabbed his hand, placing it between his legs.

“You put your hand like this and support everything, push up and hold me firmly...”

Ed felt utterly confused.

“Why?” then he smiled, firmly cupping his husband's balls as he took in the sight of him, naked and with that growing baby bump under the right side of his ribcage.

“Not that I'm complaining,” he added, “I do love summer nights when we sleep nude...”

“Pay attention, Ed!” he told him, “If you support me like this when I'm giving birth it helps to ease the pain of the pressure as the baby is delivered... but my arms need to be around you, like this...” As he leaned closer and wrapped his arms around him, Ed's hand was still between his legs.

“This is the best position to give birth, apparently. My weak leg won't hurt too much, either – I only need to be in this position, with you supporting me, when the baby is actually being delivered. Are you clear on all this, Ed?”

Ed started to laugh as he saw the intense look in Oswald's eyes.

“Oz, it's three am!”

“I know that, but I've been reading a book on childbirth -”

“ _At three am?”_ Ed slid his hand up from his groin and put his arms around him, giving him a gentle hug.

“You're crazy!” he said fondly as he kissed him, then he laid back down and as Oswald did the same, it was clear he had no plans on sleeping yet as he reached for the book yet again.

“Look Ed, page eighty-six has diagrams -”

Ed took the book from his hand, closed it and left it next to the bed, then he drew Oswald closer, their lips almost touching as they lay together.

“I'll read it tomorrow!”

“Can't you read it now?”

Ed laughed.

“Not at three am, Oz! Don't you want to go to sleep?”

Amusement shone in his blue eyes as they sparkled playfully.

“No, I can't sleep, this is too exciting!”

“At least let Baby Nygma sleep.”

“No, Ed, Baby Nygma doesn't want to sleep, he's excited too, he can't wait to be born and be part of this family, he wants you to know that!”

Ed laughed again as he hugged Oswald and kissed him fondly.

“I love you, my crazy little guy,” he said as love shone in his gaze.

As he turned out the light and held him close and felt the baby kick again, Ed had a smile on his face. _Maybe it would be okay._ He was actually starting to enjoy Oswald being pregnant, even sharing his excitement. The fears that had haunted him seemed to be fading away, at last.

 

The weeks passed by and summer went quickly. When Ed felt his anxieties creeping back, he called Jim, and Jim listened and reminded him of the real facts. By now Ed was accompanying Oswald to all of his appointments, and had started reading all he could on male birth and even though his fears still lurked at the back of his mind, he considered it under control.

Then one weekend at the end of summer, everything came crashing down again...

The morning was warm and Oswald had been sitting on a sun lounger sipping iced tea beneath the shade of a parasol that Ed had spent a while adjusting, then he had nagged Oswald to put on sun block, even though he was resting there wearing one of his silk robes and the sun had only just risen enough to warm the garden.

“You worry too much,” Oswald said, resting back against the sun lounger as he slid his arms around his large baby bump and cradled it as Ed rubbed sun block into his exposed legs, “I'm fine, Ed!”

“But you look tired.”

“I feel tired, I feel exhausted,” Oswald admitted, “But I'm six months pregnant. I guess anyone would feel exhausted in my situation.”

Ed put the sun block back on the table and stood there looking down at him with a worried expression.

“You also look pale.”

“I'm _always_ pale!”

“No, you don't look well. I want you to go and see Lee on Monday.”

“I'm not seeing her for another four days!” Oswald sat up sharply, and his vision blurred and he held on to the seat as he caught his breath.

“ _Oz?”_ panic was rising in Ed's voice.

“I'm fine... just a little dizzy... I think I need to go inside and lie down.”

Just then the sound of a car stopping in the driveway distracted them both. A car door opened and closed, and Ed placed his hand on Oswald's shoulder as worry reflected in his gaze.

“Wait here, I'll see who's at the door – don't get up on your own...” then he stepped back, looked at the parasol and then back to Oswald, “It's not too hot today – I don't know why you feel so unwell, I've made sure you're protected from the sunlight...”

Oswald laughed.

“I'm not a vampire, Ed!”

Ed didn't laugh.

“Just stay there, don't move!” he said anxiously, then he hurried towards the gate, taking the path around the side of the house, the quicker route to the driveway.

 

By the time he reached the front of the house, it was hard to breathe. Oswald was dizzy and weak. Something was going wrong, it was happening again and he wouldn't be able to do a damned thing to save him... _Or maybe I just need to call Jim,_ Ed thought, but then as he reached the driveway, his visitors walked over to meet him. It was Tabby and she had brought their daughter with her. That was a shock too, seeing Vanessa standing there...

“Ed, are you okay?” Tabby asked. One look at him had told her he was about to have an anxiety attack unless someone calmed him down. He was breathless and perspiring and his hands were shaking.

“Oswald's sick.”

“What's wrong with him?”

“I...I don't know, Tabby. He felt dizzy. He's been feeling weak lately. I told him to stay put, he's still sitting in the garden but I kept him out of sunlight.”

Tabby shot him an odd look.

“Have you also avoided getting him wet and feeding him after midnight? What do you mean, you kept him out of sunlight, Ed?”

“Oh very funny,” Ed snapped as he led the way around the side of the house and Tabby and her daughter followed, “I've had enough with Oswald's vampire remarks, I don't need your gremlins jokes too! He could be sick, the baby could be sick...”

Oswald was still sitting on the sun lounger. It was a surprise to see Ed return with Tabby and an even bigger surprise to see Vanessa was with her. As they met with Oswald, upstairs a curtain twitched as Hope looked down and saw her Daddy and her Uncle Ed talking with Tabby – who had brought Nessa with her. Nessa stood back, letting the adults get on with their conversation. She happened to look up at the house, and she caught sight of Hope glaring down at her, then she looked away.

“Are you okay, Oswald?” Tabby asked.

“I'm fine!” he insisted, then he reached for his cane and leaned on it with his other hand supporting his heavy baby bump as he got up. The patio spun sharply and as he staggered, he was thankful Ed and Tabby were both there to steady him.

“Go slowly!” Tabby said, “Let's get you inside. You need to lie down.”

“I think I should call Lee,” Ed sounded worried. Oswald could feel him shaking as he held his arm and led him back into the house.

“Really, I'm fine!” Oswald insisted again, and as he settled back on the sofa, Ed put a cushion behind his head, then raised his legs to make him comfortable. His face was pale and he was still shaking.

“Please be okay,” he said, and he blinked away tears.

Oswald pushed up the cushion and sat up, leaning against it as he shot Ed a look of surprise..... _Ed was almost in tears?_

“Ed, I'm okay! I'm six months pregnant... it's normal to feel weak sometimes...” the room span again and he gave a gasp, swaying as he briefly closed his eyes.

“This isn't normal!” Ed sounded scared as he sank to his knees beside the sofa and took hold of Oswald's hand. Then he gave a sob. It felt as if something inside him had just snapped and his thoughts were racing so fast he couldn't slow them if he tried: _Oz was falling ill. This was the beginning of the end, and Tabby and Nessa being here had to be a sign, he had to confess before it was too late! He couldn't let Oz die without knowing the truth..._

He looked at Tabby, then to a confused Nessa who stood there watching the scene unfold, and he gave a sob.

“ _I am so sorry!”_ he wept, then he pressed Oswald's hand to his lips and kissed it as a tear splashed on to the back of his hand, then he kept a tight hold of him as he looked up into his bewildered eyes.

“Ed, what the hell are you talking about?” Oswald said, he wanted to get up and pace the room, raise his voice, do anything more than sit on this sofa, but he felt too weak to do that, all he could do was sit there while Ed knelt on the floor in front of him, sobbing on his knees as he held on to his hand...

Ed dragged in a breath.

“I'm _not_ making an excuse. _But it really wasn't me, it was Riddler!_ ”

“Ed... please don't do this, he's pregnant!” Tabby said cautiously.

Oswald glanced at her, then back to Ed.

“What the hell is going on?” he demanded.

Ed's face was streaked with tears as he rattled off more words.

“ _It happened before we were married – only once, never again, I swear...”_ he sobbed and kissed his hand again, _“I swear to you Oz, I love you so very much, I promised after Hope was born, I said I'd never hurt you, I'd never do anything to cause you pain... I would rather die than break your heart, please_ _forgive me, please, I'm begging you, I couldn't live without you – I mean that, I need you, you're my whole world!”_

Oswald placed a hand on his cheek and raised his head, meeting his tearful gaze as he kept him steady.

“What are you talking about, Edward?”

“It was before you took off for three weeks, about six weeks before that... I was hosting my game show in the Narrows and there was this woman, she was a fan of Riddler... I was one hundred percent _him_ that night, _he_ had pushed me right away, it was his show... And after the show, _he_ had sex with her in an alley. She got pregnant.” He paused again, swallowed hard, and as Tabby said again, “Don't do this, Ed!” he spoke once more:

“ _Oz, I am so sorry!”_ he gave another sob, _“It was Riddler's fault...”_

Tabby looked sharply to her daughter.

“Leave the room!”

“Why?” Nessa asked.

“Because this is grown up business... Oswald, is Hope at home?”

“She's upstairs,” he replied, sounding as distracted as he felt as he looked down at Ed and he brushed a tear from his cheek and Ed wept harder.

“Go upstairs and find Hope. Stay there until I tell you to come down!” Tabby said sharply to her daughter.

Nessa left the room, then she headed for the stairs, but recalling how much Hope disliked her, she turned back, and softly crept up to the door and listened as Ed sobbed harder. And they carried on talking, unaware that Nessa was listening...

 

Ed was still weeping. As he clutched Oswald's hand, he felt as if no words could ever make up for what he was about to say. _Sorry wouldn't cover it, not if he said it a thousand times..._

“You did this before we were married?” Oswald said quietly, now holding on to Ed's shaking hand with both his hands, keeping him in a firm grip as Ed trembled and nodded.

“ _Yes,”_ he said tearfully, _“It was one time, Oz – five minutes... Riddler and Tabby! Vanessa is my biological daughter, I'm so sorry please forgive me, I'll do anything!”_

He crumbled, sobbing as he pushed his tear stained face into Oswald's lap.

Oswald looked up at Tabby. She looked back at him. In that moment they exchanged a wordless glance that was understood by both parties:

_Better not ever say a word about our three weeks together, he can't take it, he will have a breakdown..._

Outside the door, Vanessa gave a gasp:

_Hope's Uncle Ed was her father? All this time she had been jealous of Hope, and her own father was an uncle to her, sharing her life, while she was shut out of everything?_

Nessa's eyes narrowed as anger bubbled up inside her. She had heard Ed crying. She had never seen her mother look so nervous before. Obviously this was some kind of complicated situation that she would have been told about when she was older... but it didn't change the fact that Hope's Uncle Ed was her father and she had kept him all to herself for all these years...

She climbed the stairs as she felt her anger rising rapidly. When she got to the top, she saw Hope look out from her bedroom.

“Go away, I don't like you!” she snapped, and went back in and closed the door.

Vanessa stood there for a moment, eyes fixed on that closed door as her hand screwed into a fist.

“ _I don't like you either, bitch - you stole my Father!”_ she murmured, then she began a slow walk to towards her closed door, already decided there was _definitely_ going to be a fight...

 

Downstairs, Ed was sobbing quietly as Oswald sat there feeling tired and heavily pregnant and as he blinked away tears, he glanced up at Tabby and she saw nothing but understanding in his eyes. _Now_ he knew why she had always insisted he was not Nessa's father – and why she had quite rightly, always refused his money for her daughter...

“I'm _so_ sorry!” Ed wept again.

Oswald stroked his hair again, then gently put a hand under his chin, raising his head so his tearful eyes met his gaze.

“Edward,” he said gently, “I'm _not_ angry. This happened _before_ our marriage. You haven't broken any promises to me. I know when Nessa was born – she's very close to Hope's age – and back then I was weak and you were taking care of me and no doubt feeling afraid that I'd get sick or the shock might kill me if I found out, am I right?” Ed sobbed again as he nodded his head.

“And you both kept silent all these years to protect me?”

Oswald blinked away tears as Tabby nodded.

“Yes,” Ed admitted.

Oswald wiped his eyes and forced a smile.

“There is nothing to forgive,” he assured him, and then he looked to Tabby, “But Nessa and Hope need to know. There is no need for secrecy any longer. Nessa wanted a father? Now she has two. As Ed's husband, I'm her stepfather. And this little one yet to be born is her half brother.”

As Ed reached for him, Oswald embraced him tightly, kissing his wet cheek as he whispered again that everything was okay.

“Are you sure you want us in your lives?” Tabby said as her eyes glazed and she glanced to a picture above the fireplace – a picture of Oswald's mother, “After what I did, are you sure -”

Oswald had one arm around Ed as he clung to him, and now his tears were drying as he rested his head on his baby bump. Oswald had caught hold of Tabby's hand, pulling her closer to the sofa as he stroked Ed's hair and looked up and met her gaze.

“Tabby,” he said calmly, “Let me say something from my heart. Believe me when I say this to you: _If she was here now, Mother would have loved them both_.”

Tabby had no words as she leaned in and gave Oswald a hug. Then as she let go, Ed got up from the floor, his hands still shaking as he wiped his eyes. He briefly hugged Oz and kissed him again, then he took in a deep breath.

“You think we should tell them?”

“Definitely,” Oswald agreed, “I think you should ask both girls to come down stairs and we will sit together and talk, and explain.”

Ed nodded.

“Yes, we'll do that. I shall explain carefully, explain everything – sensitively - break the news to them slowly.”

“Sounds like the best way,” Tabby agreed, “We have to be sensitive.”

Just then there was a crash from upstairs and the sound of two girls yelling as they started a fight.

“You stay there!” Ed said to Oswald, who could only look on as Ed and Tabby ran out of the room and headed for the stairs.

 

They both reached the upper floor together, and then Ed led the way, reaching Hope's room first as he burst in to find Hope and Nessa rolling on the floor as they struggled, and then Hope clasped a hand about Nessa's throat.

“ _Get off me you lunatic!”_ she raged.

Ed stood over them, looking down in alarm.

“ _HOPE, STOP KILLING YOUR SISTER!”_ he yelled.

“Oh, bravo, Ed,” Tabby said in a voice heavy with sarcasm, as Hope stared at Nessa in shock and let go of her, “That was _really_ sensitive, nice work, idiot!”

Seconds later both girls were up from the floor.

“We need to talk to you both, downstairs, right now,” Tabby said.

Ed glanced to Hope and then Nessa.

“Hope, Nessa, you're family whether you like it or not. And I won't stand for any more of this fighting, because my husband is pregnant. He's not feeling too good today and I'm worried about him.”

“I'm sorry,” Nessa said quietly.

“So you should be!” Ed told her sharply, “That baby he's carrying is my kid – your brother, Nessa – and yours too, Hope!”

The two girls exchanged a glance. Then they said nothing as they followed Ed and Tabby from the room and made their way downstairs.

 

For the next two hours, they were all gathered in the front room, Oswald was resting on the sofa, but had by now sat up to listened as Ed and Tabby sat on the rug with the kids and explained.

“Me and Ed, we didn't date,” Tabby had said, “It was a brief romance -”

“It was a one night stand,” Ed corrected her, and he looked apologetically at Nessa, “Grown ups can do dumb things sometimes, and not think about the consequences. With us, it's a case of not knowing what was for the best. You know Oswald nearly died when Hope was born?”

Nessa nodded.

“Well, that was the main reason we kept quiet, also there's the fact that I have a psychiatric disorder, I have a split personality, Vanessa. At the time, it wasn't very well controlled. I take pills for it now but back then I didn't. My other personality is called Riddler and he used to cause a lot of trouble. Your Mom was worried that he might break the law and be a bad influence on you...” he glanced at Tabby, “And I don't blame you for feeling that way at the time,” he added.

Then Hope giggled as she glanced at Nessa, who was sitting beside her.

“Riddler's fun!” she exclaimed, “There was this one time when Uncle Ed forgot his pills and he changed into this other person, he said Riddler was out of his box again. He stole a car and went for a joyride and my father Jim Gordon caught him! Then Father took him home, made him take his pills, then he drove the car out of the city and set fire to it! He said, he did it _because if Ed got arrested, Oswald would be upset, so someone had to get Riddler out of the shit!_ His exact words, I heard him on the phone!”

“When was this?” said Oswald in surprise.

“When I was about five!” Hope exclaimed, “Did Uncle Ed or my Father not tell you?”

“No they did not!” Oswald replied, shooting a look of astonishment to Ed, then he looked back at Hope,

“And don't use foul language, Hope!”

“Sorry, Daddy,” she replied, then she turned to Nessa, “But that's what happened. My Father actually burned the car – _and_ he's a cop!”

Oswald saw Ed's apologetic look and smiled, shaking his head. He had never heard that story until this moment – but he certainly wasn't about to get angry over it. Something good had just happened. The girls were giggling about Jim burning the car, and they were laughing together.

As the hours went by and more conversation followed, Hope and Nessa had already cast aside their former dislike of one another. Nessa was thrilled to learn she had a father and a step father – and that Oswald was carrying her unborn brother. She had gone from having just her mother to having a much bigger family, and it was all she had ever wanted. Hope was happy to make friends with Nessa too, when she asked her why she had come over, and Nessa had said she had some paints in the car and her mother had asked her to paint something on the wall of the nursery for Oswald, Hope had said she was not very good at painting, and Nessa had asked if she could show Hope how to do it. Tabby had been only too happy to agree.

When the girls were finally upstairs, making a picture that Tabby had promised would be a great surprise, she looked to Oswald, then to Ed and smiled.

“I guess that worked out just fine in the end,” she said.

Oswald took hold of Ed's hand as he sat beside him and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“It certainly has,” he assured them both.

Then Ed suddenly recalled the reason that had prompted his confession and he looked at Oswald with a flicker of worry in his eyes.

“Are you feeling okay now? Do you think I should call Lee?”

Oswald looked at him apologetically, and then he started to smile, to think such a confession had brought so much into the open... all over nothing to worry about...

“I realise you made this confession out of worry for me, but Ed, there is nothing to worry about. I just remembered why I'm feeling so lousy. Last week Lee told me I was slightly anaemic – it's to be expected at this stage of pregnancy – and she gave me some iron pills. I forgot about them, I left them in the car.”

Ed blinked.

“I worried for nothing?”

Amusement sparkled in Oswald's eyes.

“Yes, Ed, you did,” he gave his hand a squeeze, “But I can't say I'm sorry about the outcome.”

 

Later that evening after Nessa and Tabby had gone home after promising they would definitely be visiting more often - and Hope had added she would see Nessa at school on Monday - Ed and Oswald stood in the nursery admiring the painting on the wall. It seemed Nessa was very blessed with artistic ability – unlike Hope, who had added to her mural of a family of penguins with her own attempt, when Ed had asked why there was a small whale in the picture Hope had reminded him she couldn't paint – and surprisingly, Nessa had smiled and said it was a penguin and Hope was doing just great at trying wall art for the first time. It seemed the two girls were starting what would be a great friendship.

As they stood there in the nursery looking at the picture together, Ed was behind Oswald, his arms wrapped around him as his hands rested gently over his baby bump. He felt the baby kick and smiled as he softly kissed the back of Oswald's neck.

“Won't be long until Baby Nygma's here,” he reminded him, “And by then I'll make sure I've spent a lot of time with Nessa. Now the truth is out I can see her, I can be a proper father to her.”

“Tabby agreed there's no reason for you to stay away any longer,” Oswald replied, “And I'm glad it's worked out this way. It just makes our family bigger.”

“As you get bigger every day, my pregnant Penguin!” Ed said fondly.

Oswald turned his head and looked up at him as Ed smiled down.

“Three months to go,” he reminded him, “And this baby will be here.”

Ed held him closer, stroking his swollen stomach as his heart warmed through with love and he embraced his Oz, who was carrying his child. At that moment all his fears were distant. He was only thinking of what Oswald had just said, and sharing his excitement : _Three months to go, and then Baby Nygma would be here. It wasn't long to wait. Their son would soon be born..._

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

By the time Oswald was nine months pregnant, winter was on the way. By now Hope and Nessa had forged a strong bond, and spent a lot of time at each other's houses. Tabby was a frequent visitor to the Van Dahl mansion too and it seemed that all it had taken for the family to gel together was that admission from Ed. So much had changed since he had tearfully confessed. Now he and Nessa were starting to get to know each other. They were getting closer, now she called him Dad and every time she said it, he wanted to smile. Hope's time was now divided between home, Jim's place and her sister's house at weekends.

It was working out well, and the baby was due any day now – but there was one small fact Oswald had decided _not_ to mention until the end of his pregnancy, because after the way Ed had reacted to his anaemia making him weak, he didn't want to worry him, and Ed could be quite a worrier - something he had not actually noticed until he was well into the pregnancy. But he had to be told. So one evening after dinner, while Hope was staying over at Nessa's house, he had decided to have an early night with Ed, take him upstairs, explain his plans and then take a shower and then go to bed early, just to hold Ed, allowing for plenty of time to talk to him about the unnecessary worries that he felt sure would come up once he knew his plans. Hopefully, it would work out okay and with any luck, Ed would come around to his way of thinking and maybe he would even get some sleep before midnight. He wondered if Ed had worried himself sick all the way through the pregnancy. But now wasn't the time to ask, as he had enough to handle explaining a simple fact to him...

“ _Ed, I'm having the baby here, at home.”_

Oswald had broken the news as Ed had joined him in the bedroom. Ed shot him a look of alarm. Oswald tried to ignore the panic he saw in his eyes as he took off his jacket, then loosened his tie and slipped it off as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“You can't do that!” Ed told him, standing there staring at him in alarm, his gaze shifting from his baby bump and back to his eyes once more, “You really can't take that risk, Oz! What if something goes wrong? You could be at risk, the baby could be in danger... you need to be in a hospital!”

Oswald gave a weary sigh. If they had been disagreeing on anything else, he didn't doubt he would have got up and maybe yelled at him in frustration – but not right now, not when he was nine months pregnant and had suffered flickering aches and short bursts of pain along the right side of his body for the past six hours. He was sure his bump had dropped lower too, but at his last visit to Lee, she had said the scan showed the unit had extended down to the implantation scar, so the baby would drop a little before the implant started releasing fluid and labour started. She had also warned him that sometimes, it could start very quickly and the fluid wouldn't be released beforehand, but the pains he had felt were nothing like before, when he had been pregnant with Hope. He assumed the start of labour would be much more painful than this. And Ed was still nagging him about why he shouldn't give birth at home. He felt his temper starting to rise as pain nagged at the right side of his body and his belly felt heavy and then _everything_ started to ache.

“Will you _stop_ this, Edward!” he snapped, “I have a healthy, low risk pregnancy, there's no reason why I can't give birth at home! I could give birth anywhere I like, I could give birth in the Iceberg Lounge and I'd be fine, there is _no_ reason why I can't have this baby at home!”

Ed blinked.

“Are you okay?”

Oswald had glared at him, and his face had flushed around the same time he started to perspire and then as a sharp pain caught him, he placed a hand under his swollen belly and sucked in a sharp breath.

“Oz?”

“I'm fine!” he snapped, and he struggled out of the rest of his clothes and threw on a silken robe, then got up slowly.

“I need a shower, I'm too hot...”

“Let me help you -”

“I'm okay!” he said angrily, feeling sure the combination of the aches and pains and Ed's anxiety were making his temper worse and those pains even sharper.

He made it to the bathroom. Then a heavier pain cut through his body and he cried out, grabbing hold of the edge of the bath as he went down quickly to his knees, and he wasn't sure if kneeling on his damaged knee made it worse, but that heavy dragging pain had just hit so hard he felt like throwing up.

“Oz?” Ed sounded scared.

Oswald clung on to the edge of the bath as he closed his eyes, panting and then remembering to breathe slowly and deeply through the pain, and as the next contraction eased off, he looked around at Ed.

“Call Lee,” was all he said, and then he took in a deep breath as he tensed, ready for the next wave of pain.

Ed dashed from the room and grabbed his phone, calling Lee and stammering that Oswald was in labour.

“He's in the bathroom and he can't get up and -” Oswald gave a brief cry of pain and then breathed hard, “You need to get over here now!” Ed said as he felt his throat go tight and a wave of panic wash over him.

“Okay, calm down, Ed,” Lee replied, “It sounds like he's having quite a quick labour. I'll be over very soon, just stay with him and get him comfortable.”

“ _Comfortable?”_ Ed exclaimed, but she had hung up. He knew she was on the way and he didn't want to delay her by calling back. He paused to send a brief text to Jim: _Oswald in labour, at home. Help me!_

Oswald gave a groan and breathed hard again, and Ed looked around the room in panic and then grabbed a pillow off the bed and on the way back into the bathroom, he ripped a stack of clean towels from a shelf and set them on the floor as he knelt down beside him.

“Let me help you with your leg,” he said, and as he put the pillow beneath Oswald's damaged knee, he barely noticed as he felt more pressure and tried to breathe through the pain.

As clear fluid ran down Oswald's thighs and onto the tiled floor, Ed saw it and shoved a towel beneath him.

“Oh shit,” he said, “I think that's the start of it!”

“No...that's the start of the last phase of labour...” Oswald's face was heavily flushed and his hair was soaked in sweat as he clung to the bath with one hand and put the other low on his belly, “I've had pains for hours... I thought it was nothing... but it fucking hurts now!”

“Do you want to try and get over to the bed?”

“No!” he panted again, “I can't move...”

Ed's heart was racing in panic as he checked his watch and stayed beside Oswald, keeping a hand on his back as he spoke to him softly, reminding him he was not alone. Ed just wanted Lee to show up, but most of all, he wanted to Jim to be here, to remind him nothing bad was about to happen - and now he was starting to fear the worst, because Oz was in labour, and they were all alone in the house. He didn't even have pain relief...

 

After a brief wait - that to Ed had seemed like forever - he heard a car on the driveway. Then he got up and promised Oswald he wouldn't be gone long, and he hurried down the stairs, ran to the door and opened it sharply. Lee greeted him with a smile as Ed looked back at her with an expression of utter panic on his face.

“Isn't this exciting!” Lee said warmly, “Your baby's on the way, Ed!”

“He's upstairs in the bathroom...” it was all he could manage to say as he pointed to the stairway, then Lee went inside and headed for the stairs clutching her medical bag. As Ed was about to close the door a second car pulled up and he breathed a sigh of relief to see Jim had arrived. He got out of the car and hurried to the open door and went inside. Ed looked seriously scared.

“Oswald's in labour?”

Ed nodded.

“He's in so much pain!” he blinked away tears.

Jim put his hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes.

“Ed, your baby's on the way,” he reminded him, “And Oswald will be just fine. Now get upstairs and support him, don't miss this moment.”

“Come with me!” Ed whispered as his face paled.

“No, I can't do that... I can't share a moment like that, it's for you and Oz. I'll wait outside in the hallway. And nothing will go wrong,” he reminded him, “It's going to be fine.”

Ed nodded as he mentally clung to his words.

“And Oz needs me.”

“Yes, he does.”

Ed turned away and hurried back up the stairs as Jim followed, letting Ed go on ahead without him. He felt sure witnessing the birth of his son would lay his fears to rest forever, but he had no intention of doing more than wait outside, this was as far as his support went – it was Ed and Oswald's moment, the birth of their child, and he felt as if he had no right to share in that. But at least he could be here for Ed. He walked down the upper hallway then waited outside the bedroom door, where he heard Oswald panting hard in the en suite bathroom, and Jim felt a small flicker of anxiety, clearly, Oz was in pain – but nothing outside the normal boundaries of labour pains. He waited silently, leaning against the wall, wishing he could be in there to support Oswald, who gave another yell.

 

Oswald was no longer clinging to the bath, now Ed was sitting on the floor with his back against the bath as Oswald knelt in front of him, clinging to him for support. Ed rubbed his back as Oswald breathed hard and his body tensed and trembled as another contraction shot through him. He leaned his head on Ed's shoulder, his damp hair soaking through Ed's shirt as Lee withdrew her gloved hand and finished her examination.

“Oswald, you're almost there,” she said, “The implantation scar is fully dilated and I can feel your baby's head. You just need to wait until you feel the need to push and then do it as hard as you can, okay?”

Oswald raised his head, closing his eyes as he breathed through more pain.

“ _Okay... yes, I can do this...”_

He was breathing hard as more pain and pressure shot through his lower body. His grip on Ed's shoulders got tighter.

“ _Ed, support me... hurry up...”_

Ed recalled what they had practised and pushed his hand between his legs, pushing upward and supporting his body as Oswald took a deep breath and pushed, as his body trembled, he gave a scream and then clung to Ed, gasping for air.

“Can't you give him anything for the pain?” Ed demanded as he held on to him, looking over Oswald's shoulder at Lee.

“There's no need, it's almost over,” she replied, “And again, Oswald... you're almost there, baby's head's out....”

Oswald's grip on Ed tightened as he pushed again.

Outside in the hallway Jim was waiting, watching the clock, wondering how much longer it would take. Then he heard Oswald give another sharp yell, and suddenly another sound cut through the air and it brought a smile to his face: It was the healthy cry of a new born baby.

 

In the bathroom, as their son gave a cry, Oswald felt the pain melt away as joy reflected in his eyes, matching the tears of happiness he saw in Ed's gaze as he clung to him.

“We did it!” Ed exclaimed, and as he hugged Oswald, he laughed and cried and they shared a kiss, then Ed heard Lee ask him to help his husband turn over, and he carefully turned Oswald around, as he pushed aside wet towels and grabbed a clean one and placed it beneath him. As Oswald rested with his back against Ed, Lee handed him his newborn son. Despite the exhaustion of labour, Oswald felt renewed strength as he looked into the eyes of his child – who had brown hair like Ed and blue eyes like his own.

“He's beautiful!” Ed said as he shed tears of joy.

Oswald was smiling like he would never stop and he cradled his son, then as he held him close to his chest and the child relaxed, pressing his tiny cheek against his skin and listening to the sound of his father's heartbeat, Oswald spoke softly.

“Hello, precious little one, we love you so much! I have waited so long for this moment, my little baby Edward!”

Lee had finished examining Oswald, and then she had picked up a silver, almost transparent sac from a pile of clear liquid that was soaked into towels and Oswald's cast off silk robe.

“Your implantation scar has closed and will be healed within two weeks,” she told him, “And the implant has come out intact. You did so well, Oswald! That was one of the easiest births I've ever attended.”

Oswald smiled proudly as his attention was still on his son as he cradled his baby, looking into his eyes and feeling sure this moment would stay with him forever.

“It was much easier than I expected,” he told her, “Oh, it was amazing, he's amazing, look at him...”

“He's perfect,” Ed agreed, and as he smiled at Lee, joy was shining in his gaze.

“Thank you so much, Lee.”

She smiled too.

“I really didn't need to do much at all - Oswald coped very well on his own!”

“I need to get up off this floor!” Oswald said.

“I'll take the baby,” Lee told him, and he handed his son to her and Ed got up, then he lifted Oswald into his arms and carried him through to the bedroom. Lee watched as Ed turned back the covers, then laid Oswald on the bed, resting against pillows. He folded the covers back over him and asked him if he was comfortable, and Oswald responded with a hug, then they shared a tender kiss.

“I love you,” Ed whispered as he looked into his eyes, “I'm so proud of you, Oz!”

Lee handed baby Edward back to Oswald, then she took a packet of pills from her bag and left them next to the bed.

“I've given you some pills for the discomfort as everything closes up - just take one every four hours when you start to feel the bruising.”

“Yes, I'll do that, Lee,” Oswald said softly, still looking in wonder at his new born son as he cradled him once more.

Lee turned to Ed.

“Oswald will be very tired soon,” she reminded him, “He will need to sleep very deeply. You need to take care of your son while he rests, and tomorrow morning make sure Oswald takes the pain relief if he needs it. If there's any problems just call me – but I think you'll be just fine. I'll be calling in every day for the next week to be sure Daddy and baby are doing well. And before I leave, I'll just remind you that you need to make up some formula milk for the baby.”

“Yes, I should go and do that now,” he said, and as Lee closed up her bag and turned for the door, she laughed softly.

“You might want to clean up the bathroom too!”

Ed looked towards the mess on the floor, the wet towels, the transparent liquid that was all over the tiles and Oswald's wet silk robe. It was a real mess, but that was what birth was like – it wasn't clean and quick and easy, it was painful and messy, but the end result was worth it a thousand times over.

“I'll do that as soon as I've made up the milk,” he told her, then he glance aback at Oswald, “I won't be long, I'm just seeing Lee to the door and then I'm making up a feed for Edward.”

“Okay,” Oswald said, still smiling down at the baby in his arms.

As they left the room, Lee smiled warmly at Jim.

“I take it all went well?” he asked.

“Oswald had an easy birth, a short labour, no complications and he's had a healthy baby boy,” she replied.

Jim smiled too.

“That's fantastic news,” he said, and as he stepped forward and gave Ed a hug, he knew his theory had been right: Ed's fears were gone. Pure joy was radiating in his gaze.

“It was amazing!” Ed told him, “Oswald was incredible, I'm so proud of him. He just popped that baby out so easily!”

Jim laughed.

“I told you so,” he reminded him.

“I'll see myself out,” Lee told them, and she headed for the stairs.

“Jim, would you like to go in and see Oz and the baby?” Ed asked.

“Are you sure? I mean, you might want tonight to be just for the two of you, I'd hate to get in the way.”

“You're not in the way,” Ed promised him, then he looked back into the bedroom.

“Oz, Jim's here. Can he come in and see the baby?”

“Of course he can!” Oswald said.

“You go in and sit with him, I'll go and make up some formula,” Ed told him, then he hurried off towards the stairs. Jim felt a sudden wave of emotion crash over him as he turned for the bedroom door. _He had not been there for Hope's birth. Knowing Oz had just had such a good experience this time around was wonderful, but he still felt tearful as he entered the room, thinking how different the last birth had been twelve years before..._

 

“Hello, Jim, meet Edward Oswald Nygma,” Oswald said proudly as Jim walked into the bedroom.

Oswald was sitting up in bed cradling his son and his face radiated complete joy. Jim sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Oswald as he thought how different Hope's birth had been. But today, Oswald was happy. His face was still flushed, his hair was still damp with sweat, but he was overjoyed as he cradled his newborn in his arms.

“He's beautiful, Oswald,” Jim said, and as he met his gaze, he blinked away tears, “I just thought about Hope's birth. I wish I could have been there for you. I missed it all.”

“And so did I!” Oswald exclaimed, “Oh Jim, don't think about what happened back then – I trusted a black market implant. It was ultimately my fault. And it doesn't matter now. Hope is here and she's fine, now I've had a wonderful experience of birth and my son is also perfectly fine. And so am I!”

“I know that, I just wish I could have been there for you.”

“You're here now,” Oswald reminded him, “And you're a great father to Hope...” his eyes widened as he remembered something, “Hope! She doesn't know her brother has arrived – neither does Nessa!”

Just then Ed returned to the room with a bottle of milk and he handed it to Oswald, who began to feed his baby for the first time. While he cradled his son and he drank deeply from the bottle, he looked up at Ed.

“We need to let Hope and Nessa know! Let's have a picture!”

Jim got up and stepped out of the way as Ed sat down and took out his phone. He held it out, leaning close to Oswald as he cradled Edward, who was still feeding, and they both smiled joyfully as Ed took the picture. Then he paused to add a message:

_Hope, you and Nessa have a brother! Daddy went into labour tonight and it happened very quickly. He's okay and so is baby Edward. Daddy needs a lot of rest and will be sleeping soon. I will call you later, be sure to share the good news with Nessa and her Mom. I'll speak soon, and I'll see you tomorrow, love Uncle Ed._

Then he sent the message and put the phone back in his pocket.

“I need to clean up the bathroom,” he said.

“And I should get going now,” Jim added.

Ed smiled warmly.

“Thanks for being here, Jim.”

Jim smiled back at him.

“I wouldn't have missed it for anything,” he replied, then he paused to fondly bid farewell to Oswald, leaning close and kissing his cheek, and as he turned to Ed, he gave him a hug.

“If you need me, just call,” he reminded him, “I'm not just here for Hope – I'm here for you guys, too. We're family.”

“We certainly are,” Oswald agreed, smiling proudly as he cradled his son in his arms.

 

Six Months Later:

 

When he looked back, Ed was sure he would always feel thankful he had trusted Jim with his deepest fears. Jim had helped him though the worst of his worries, and now he had experienced the birth of his son, Ed was no longer haunted by the past. There was nothing about birth that held fear for him now, when he thought about Oswald giving birth, he recalled the amazing experience of Edward's birth. The trauma of Hope's entrance into the world was faded like a bad dream. Hope and Nessa were thrilled to have a baby brother, the new baby had brought them all closer as a family.

The birth of Edward had also attracted the press due to Oswald's previous work to outlaw black market implants, and they had all got together as a family for a few pictures for magazines, and then Oswald had turned down a few TV interviews because, he said, he was too busy raising his family at the present time.

He was still a hero in the eyes of the people of Gotham for the changes he had made to the law, and the book about his life was definitely going to be made into a movie, with words from his law changing speech used as the title: _Not a Victim_. Ed was thrilled, and even more proud of him, but Oswald was very modest about it, saying he just did what he had to do at the time to set things right in the city.

Life was perfect. Ed had never known a level of happiness as great as this could exist. Every time he looked at Oswald cradling their son, he felt overjoyed. And that led him to make a decision, it was one that Riddler agreed with too, and Ed kept it to himself, until the time was right to share his decision with Oswald...

 

The right time to tell him happened one evening after Oswald had put Edward to bed in his crib, Ed had gone into the nursery and while their son was sleeping, Oswald had walked over to the window and looked out as the sun began to set over the garden below and he sniffed and briefly raised his hand to brush a tear from eye.

“What's wrong, Oz?” Ed asked softly as he joined him.

Oswald turned to him with a tearful gaze.

“I guess I should just be thankful I have two children. But I'll always regret what happened with that first implant. I'm sure if I'd had an easy birth with Hope, I would have had a baby with you sooner. Then maybe, we might have three kids by now. I'm so happy we have Edward, but I'm also sad he's my last one.”

Ed leaned in and kissed him tenderly, wrapping his arms around his waist as he gave him a gentle squeeze, enjoying the feel of the weight he had gained around his middle, left over from nine months of carrying his son. It was a reminder that Oswald was the birth father of his baby, and every time he thought about that, he was sure he loved him even more.

“He doesn't have to be your last one,” Ed told him, “We can wait until Edward's around eighteen months old, then we can go and see Lee and get another implant. That will be good timing too - make a nice age gap between our youngest kids.”

As Ed let go of him, Oswald looked up at him with a stunned expression.

“Ed, I can't have another implant. I'm in my forties, I had a complicated birth with Hope, I've had a second birth all these years later with Edward, I won't be able to have another implant. Safety regulations are very strict these days.”

“Thanks to the amazing man I married who changed the law and saved lives. I love you so much, Oz.”

“And I love you too Ed, but I won't be able to have another implant. I can't have another child.”

Ed took hold of his hand, then raised it to his lips and kissed it as he started to smile. He looked like he had a secret, and Oswald noticed right away.

“I just said we can't have another child. Why are you smiling, Ed?”

Ed kept hold of his hand as he took a deep breath. _It was time to tell him..._

“You're right,” he said, “You can't have any more children – and I won't let you run the risk of having any more over the age of forty five! But I am younger than you. _And we will have another baby. But this time, I will carry it for you._ ”

Oswald's eyes widened. His jaw briefly dropped and Ed laughed softly as he saw his stunned expression.

“Ed, are you sure you want to do that?”

“Yes!” he said excitedly, “Seeing Edward born changed everything for me! I'm not scared to do this. I know you want another baby - and so do I. And this time, _I_ want to go through the experience. I can do this, and I want to do it, for both of us, for the next baby Nygma.”

For a moment, Oswald couldn't speak.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Ed told him again.

Tears of joy filled Oswald's eyes as he started to smile.

“I don't know what to say!”

Ed laughed softly.

“Just tell me you love me, that's all I need to hear.”

“You know I love you! Oh Ed, this is wonderful! We can have another child!”

“We most certainly can!” Ed promised, then he pulled him into his arms and they embraced by the window as dusk fell, then as if sharing the magic of the moment, the moon and stars set on the ceiling of the nursery began to glow brightly as Ed and Oswald stayed in a tender embrace, sealing plans for the future with a kiss.

 

End

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is followed on by:   
> Unconditional Love Part 2 (Complete)   
> Unconditional Love Part 3 (Complete)   
> Unconditional Love Part Four (Complete).


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